


Equius x Gamzee story

by Lost_souls



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Bulges and Nooks, Dubious Consent, Hurt/Comfort, Illusions, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Sober Gamzee Makara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2019-07-08 07:22:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 89,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lost_souls/pseuds/Lost_souls
Summary: Blankly he starred out at the ocean.It was just another night of waiting for his good for nothing lusus, that would never show up when it mattered. Why did he even bother anymore.The stars reflected in the ocean water giving the scenery a dreamlike quality and if he had still believed in miracle he might have called this a stupid, good for nothing miracle.How dumb he had been for ever believing in such things. Miracles obviously never existed, especially not for people like him.





	1. Chapter 1

Blankly he starred out at the ocean.  
It was just another night of waiting for his good for nothing lusus, that would never show up when it mattered. Why did he even bother anymore. 

The stars reflected in the ocean water giving the scenery a dreamlike quality and if he had still believed in miracle he might have called this a stupid, good for nothing miracle.  
How dumb he had been for ever believing in such things. Miracles obviously never existed, especially not for people like him.

His eyes drifted to the person beside him. Why the blue blood once more decided to show up uninvited and simple sitting down beside him, without saying a word, was still beyond his comprehension. Then again Equius had always been a strange guy.

“Not that I all but mind, but what you up and doing here.” Gamzee asked, trying to make his question sound casual, but his voice sounded strange even to his own ears.  
When Equius didn't even bother to look at him he finally snapped and spat: “I motherfucking asked you something, motherfucker. “

For a moment it looked like Equius wanted to say something, but then he just shook his head  
and gave him this smiles that portrait sadness instead of happiness.  
And Gamzee instantly hated that smile, he had always wanted to make Equius smile, but certainly not like this. 

With a frustrated sigh he pulled his knees to his chest and said: “Just tell me what you want and then please leave.” Once more Equius didn't answer and he pulled his knees even tighter to his chest.  
“Do you want me to say that I am sorry? “ Still no response. “You know that ain't going to happen.”  
His lips stretchered in his best, certainly not fake, smile as he said: “I ain't sorry that I killed you and being able to kill your little kitty bitch on top of it was so much fun.”

When Equius moved, he thought he finally done it and made the other angry enough to start a fight, but unfortunately the blue-blood just mustered him with a stern expression before turning his gaze back to the ocean, leaving Gamzee with no outlet for the frustration and rage that pumped in his veins. 

“Fine. If you ain't going to move than I'm gonna.” He yelled and moved to stand up, but a hand on his arm held him back.  
“Stay.” It was the first word Equius had spoken this entire night and it was almost enough to make him reconsider his decision, but then he brushed the others hand away and stood up.

“I told you to never all but come here again.” He growled and Equius once more gave him this sad smile, he hated so god damn much. It make his blood boil. It made him want to punch the look of the others face.

And then he just did it. With an angry snarl he smacked Equius, but then immediately regretted it  
when the others sunglasses disappeared into the night and he came face to face with deep blue eyes that looked at him with so much sorrow and pity.

Why did the other had to look at him with such eyes. He didn't want his pity.  
He didn't need it.

Blue blood ran down Equius face and Gamzee didn't feel bad at all. No, he certainly didn't feel bad. It was the others fault anyway. Why the fuck was he here anyway. What did he fucking think he would achieve.

“I forgive you.”  
The words were like a punch to Gamzee's stomach, for it was clear that the blue-blood didn't merely refer to what just happened.  
“And I know that Nepeta forgives you as well.”  
And there was the answer to the question he never dared to ask. 

“Shut up,” Gamzee whispered, his hands clenching to fists.  
“We forgave you a long time ago.”  
“Shut up.”  
“We miss you.”  
“Shut up.”  
“Please come back with me.”

“Shut up,” He finally screamed and tried to attack Equius again, but the problem with the blue-blood was, that he could easily match his strength if he set his mind to it.  
The fight was over before it even began, but that didn't mean that Gamzee didn't fight like his life depended on it when Equius pull him into a hug. 

For more that five minutes he trashed in the others hold, before he finally gave up and let his head sink against the blue-blood's shoulder.  
“You know, you don't have to spent your time in this silence anymore. Everyone is waiting for you already.” Equius told him, then added in a small voice. “I am waiting for you.”

When Gamzee felt warm fingers run through his hair, he was torn between letting it happen and once more trying to fight, but at last he realized he was just to tired to fight anymore.  
“Do you know what human's call this kind of relationship you are all but aiming for?”

“What would they call it?” Equius inquired and pressed a kiss to his temple.  
“Stockholm-Syndrome. That's a motherfucking sickness the victims of a severe trauma suffer. It makes them fall for the person that causes them harm. They will even so much as say they love their tormentor, when in truth it's just their sickness that tricks their mind into thinking such stuff. And I think you suffer that sickness.”

“I see.” Was the only thing Equius said, before gently turning Gamzees head towards himself and kissing him. “If it helps you to think that's the case than I won't intervene with that decision. As long as you let stay with you I will endure the pain you cause me by doubting the truth of my feelings.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty late where i live, so there will be grammatical errors. (sorry)  
> If you liked the story please leave a comment, but i know that ain't going to happen and i will properbly delete this stroy soon enough.  
> Im just not good at writing, so i don't understand why i try it so often anyway.  
> I guess that's about everything wanna say. Bye :)


	2. Chapter 2

It was to the soft sound of waves rolling over sand to which he awoke.  
High above the stars were still following their unknown course, but soon they would disappear, for dawn was just across the horizon.

Equius didn’t had to open his eyes to know that Gamzee was gone, after all this had become a common thing between them. A foolish game that neither of them enjoyed playing, yet a dangerous addiction that neither of them were willing to let go.

The sand was still carring Gamzee’s footprints and Equius knew this to be intentional, for if Gamzee trully wished it, he would have left without a trace. The highblood was rather good in the art of dissappearing if he wanted to be. 

His bones cracked undignified as he stood up.  
Sleeping on the ground was never a smart idea, yet he found himself doing so almost daily, for he never manage to stop the highblood from choosing these poor sleeping locations. Once in a while he wondered if Gamzee choose them specifically in an attempt to drive him away. If that was the case he needed to try harder. 

The footsteps led to a small wooden house, worn down by age and weather. For a moment he contemplated knock on the frontdoor, but then decided against it after all he didn’t wish to break this whole place down. Gamzee wouldn't be happy about that.

Carefully he stepped over the broken door that lay halfway in and halway outside the house and inspected Gamzees 'new' hive. There were so many broken things that just begged to be fixed, but he knew that Gamzee wouldn't be pleased if he 'wasted his time on things that would just end up being broken again.' 

He finally found the highblood in a room that once could have been a living room, but was now just a dirty place with a destroyed couch and fanatic scribbles all over the walls.  
The scribbles were drawn in purple blood. Great. 

“Highblood,” he said softly, but Gamzee ignored him in favor of mumbling to himself and staring at these strange symbols on the walls, that made no sense.  
It always scared Equius when he found Gamzee in this condition. At first he had thought that Gamzee had found another kind of drug that caused these symptoms, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case.

“Gamzee,” he tried again and sat down beside his friend, gently touching his face and making him turn away from the symbols.  
"The game is over. All of us survived, so please stop going back to these dark places that keep your mind captivated." 

Blank eyes stared back at him and he felt his heart sink, as Gamzee continued to looked right through him. 

"please." He begged and pulled Gamzee into a hug.  
For several long minutes he could only hold on to Gamzee and speaking reassuring words in his ear, before he finally heared it: “Equius.”  
His name was being spoken so softly, that he almost didn't hear it. 

“Yes I am here, I will always be here for you” He promised and held on thighter, afraid of letting Gamzee go.

"Have I been gone again." Gamzee asked quietly, but he found himself unable to tellt the truth, maybe because he didn't wanted to believe it himself. "You just fall asleep for a while, nothing more." He said reassuringly, even though he knew Gamzee would never buy that lie. 

For a while they just sat there in silence, then he felt cold fingers touch his shoulders and sensed the highbloods conflicted emotinons, as he pushed him away.  
"I never up and gave you the permission to touch me." Gamzee said sternly, but couldn't look him in the eyes as he said it.

"Kneel." Gamzee told him, still not looking at him and he followed the order without question.  
And maybe it was wrong of Gamzee to turn their relationship into this twisted kind of game. And maybe it was wrong of him to go so willingly along with it. 

"You once all but said you would do anything for me, right?"  
Quickly he nodded his head and stated: "As long as you want me i will help you however i can."  
"Good then there is something you can be helping me with." Gamzee said and pressed a knive against his hand. "Your blood has a... interessting quality, Void-Player. I want it. " 

And once Equius would have been overjoy to simply follow the orders someone gave him, especially those of a highblood, but if the game tought him anything then it was that he couldn't mindlessly follow orders anymore.

"Why do you need it?" He asked sharply and Gamzee almost flinched. Not having expected him to talk back it seemed.  
"None of your fucking concern." Gamzee snapped, but he could see the highbloods eyes flicker over the symbols on the walls. 

"These symols, you can read them. Isn't that so, Gamzee?" He accused, specificaly using the highbloods first name to make the subject more personal and it didn't escape him which effect this had on the highblood.

Gamzee's body stiffened and purple eyes glared at him.

"But that's not everything, is it? These symbols hold power don't they? You wish to use my blood because you hope it will also erase the power they hold over you, right?"  
Gamzee's lips pressed into a thin line. "Why you all but motherfucking asking if you all but having made up your answeres in your head already. Whats the fucking point of it?"

"The point is that I want you to be honest with me for once and not trying to keep everything a secret. That's the point."

Gamze didn't reply anything to that and he gave a deep sigh.  
"What do I get in return for helping you?" Equius finally asked and once more Gamzee's expression truned to one of suprise. 

“I give you them opportunity to help someone of higher cast. Aint that what you always fucking wanted?” Gamzee questioned and Equius shook his head.

“No that's not enough for me anymore.” He responed and somehow Gamzee almost seemed pleased with that reply.  
With the sunlight falling through the broken roof, it almost looked as if Gamzee was smiling, but not one of these sarcastic or threatening smile he like to portrey so often, but a real smile.  
Equius wanted to see more of them.

“And what would you all, but want.” Gamzee purred and Equius noticed that he hadn't thought that far ahead. There were still many things he wanted to ask the highblood, but he knew that Gamzee would simply deflect them or outright lie if he could help it. So what was it he could ask of Gamzee that would scare the purpleblood away. 

“I want...” His eyes trailed over the highbloods face."..a kiss.”  
Gamzee snorted as he heard his answer.  
“Nothing else. All but giving you the opportunity to getting all kinds of things and you just want that?” 

Slowly he nodded his head and then leaned closer to Gamzee. “So are we having a deal, my highblood.”

Purpleblood eyes flickered to his lips.  
“I guess so.” Gamzee said softly and in return leaned closer himself.  
The rising sun, colored the room in a redish shine and made the highblood look even more beautiful. 

And it was there under the light of the rising sun that he kissed his beloved highblood and felt like he got more than he gave in their deal.

When he broke their kiss he could see that Gamzee wanted to tell him something, but he didn't even needed to hear the highbloods words to know what he wanted to say.

“I know, I will not read to much into it.” He answered and turned to the writings on the walls. Now it was time to fulfil his part of the deal.


	3. Chapter 3

In his dreams he wandered through the same darkness that always surrounded him.  
An endless space that was his prison.  
A land with no light, no sounds and no escape.  
The perfect place to be forgotten.  
And maybe it was for the best.

Someone was shaking him, but he didn't wish to wake up.  
The grip on his shoulder thightned.  
He felt like a broken doll someone tried to bring back to live merely by shaking it.

When his eyes did finally open, he found deep blue eyes looking at him.  
Why was Equius looking so worried?  
He didn’t like it. He wanted the blueblood to be happy not sad.  
Was it his fault? Did he put this sadness into Equius soul?

“Gamzee, what happened you suddenly collapsed when I tried to erase the symbols.”

Gamzee's mind was spinning, he couldn’t understand what the other told him.  
He just wanted to make the sadness go away.

The face he touched was warm and felt so alive.  
So very different from the cold corpses that had been his only companions for so long.  
His fingers wandered down the bluebloods neck and shoulders till they lay over Equius heart.

The steady heart-beat he felt under his finger was hypnotic.

“Gamzee…” Equius started, but he didn’t let him finish.  
Softly he pressed his lips to the bluebloods, trying to express all these feelings he couldn't allow himself to have, through the kiss.

Everything was spinning. He couldn't think clearly.  
He had to break the kiss or else he would black out again.

“Gamzee." Equius voice was soft, but Gamzee knew that tone of voice and it scared him, for it meant that Equius wanted to talk about everything Gamzee wasn't even able to think about.

His body was shaking, he couldn't talk about this.  
“Gamzee?” Equius tried again and he shook his head, trying to keep himself from remembering.

He couldn't put his faith in Equius, because if he did it would make everything to real and then he had to face the fact that he not only murdered Equius, the last time the blue blood put his heart on the line, but that he had also enjoyed killing Equius.

“Please don’t make me talk.” He whispered, as scenes of Equius and Nepeta’s death flashed before his eyes.  
He wished the sickening joy he always felt when he remembered their deaths would just disappear.

This was wrong. He shouldn’t find joy in the looks of terror on his friends’ faces.  
He didn't wanted to be that monster anymore, so why couldn't he change.  
"Once a monster always a monster," the voices whispered in his mind and he wanted them to shut up. He wanted to press his hands over his ear, but Equius still held them captivated and while his warmth had felt soothing before, now it was a tortures heat that burned Gamzee’s skin.

“Let go.” He shrieked in pain and Equius instantly followed the order, a shocked expression on his face.

Gamzee's hands were red and blistered from the heat, and even though he knew it to be nothing more than an illusion, it did nothing to help with the pain.

"It's just your own broken mind using your chuckle-voodoo against you," he told himself, trying to get his mind to realize that nothing of this was real, but it wasn't helping.  
"You just have to get your fucking powers back under control."

It hurt. It hurt so fucking much.  
His flesh was melting and his skin as peeling of his bone, but none of it was real.  
"It's all just fake." He told himself, but it was of no use.

“Gamzee, what’s wrong?” Equius asked, but he couldn't answer the pain was to much.  
Searing hot pain shoot through Gamzee's nerves, as Equius placed his hands on his shoulders, trying to comfort him, but only causing more harm.

Violently he shoved the blueblood away, his eyes tearing up from the sickening stench of burned flesh and hair.  
“None of that is real,” he whispered to himself over and over again, but the pain didn’t leave. It only doubled by the second. “It’s all just fake. All just in them stupid head of mine.”

He could feel Equius hands hover over his skin, wanting to console him, but too afraid of hurting him again and for once Gamzee wished for the darkness, the emptiness and loneliness his dreams provided.

“Say that you hate me. Say that you could never forgive the monster that killed your moirail” He bite out between clenched teeth and Equius stared at him with wide eyes.  
“I could never…”Equius started, but he cut him off.  
“Just do it.” He snapped, then added in a softer voice. “Please.”

He saw the conflicted emotions crossing over Equius face, then the pain in blue eyes as Equius said: "I hate you for everything you have done. You are nothing more than a monster”

The words were spoken barely above a whisper and held no conviction at all, but it was enough to lift a part of the crushing guilt from Gamzee's soul. Just enough to give him back the controll over his abilities.

Before his eyes he saw his flesh knitted back together or more truthfully he saw the illusion he had been trapped in disappear. Leaving only completely intact flesh behind.  
The sharp smell of burning flesh was gone, for it had never been real in the first place.

Gamzee fucking hated his own ability.

“Would you please tell me what just happened with you? I never intended to hurt. So please tell how did I harm you?” Equius voice was shaking, his eyes turned away and it was only now that Gamzee realized that Equius hadn’t been able to see anything due to the Void-Ability protecting Equius from his chuckle-voodoo.

Slowly he reached out his hand to the blueblood, already expecting another wave of pain to wash over him, but none came.

Gently he cupped Equius face.  
And when these beautiful eyes looked at him, Gamzee was remember how truly precious living things were.  
He never wanted to kill again.

“Nothing is all but wrong anymore.” He mumbled and kissed Equius. "I am okay now."

“I don’t understand you at all. One moment you are affectionate the next you push me away. One moment you are happy, the next you scream from the top of your lungs. Tell me: How can I help you, if you don’t even tell me what is troubling you.”

For a long moment Gamzee contemplated telling the whole truth, but something in the back of his mind was keeping him from doing so. Half the truth was all he could tell.

“I can’t control my own abilities anymore.” He said quietly and let his hands slip from Equius face.  
“Ever since the other Players created this world for all of us, I felt the powers of my cast pulsing through my veins, but their ain’t no one that could all but teach me how to control it. My dancestor up and left so now the only ones I could ask are the Serkets because their abilities are kinda similar to mine, but I ain’t don’t thrust them. They will just find a way to use me and I all but done enough damage as is. I don’t wanna hurt anyone anymore.”

For a long moment they set in slience, then Equius pulled him into a hug and for once he let it happen.

“I ain't don't want to hurt anyone, anymore.” He sobbed and balled his hands to fist. “So why must it feel all kinds of good when I do. Why does it make me smile whenever I break bones? Why does it make me laugh whenever I’m able to kill someone? Ain't i nothing more than a monster that craves blood and destruction?”

Warm fingers brush through his hair, trying to calm him down and he hated it. He hated how much Equius knew him. He hated how Equius could always tell what he needed. Whether it was support, someone to talk to, or simply someone willing to listen.

“And I fucking hate you.” He blurred out, making the gentle caress stop. “I killed you. I ripped your moirail to shreds. You ain’t supposed to like me. You ain't supposed to love me and yet you do and I hate you for it. You are nice to me and it makes me feel all kinds of guilty. I hate you for forgive me, when both of us know that I don’t deserve it. I hate you for every time you are there for me and I hate you for not understanding that your life would be better off without me.” Tears were forming in his eyes, but refused to let them fall.  
“And the thing I hate the most about you, is that you made me fall in love with you, when I tried my best to keep away from everyone, so that I wouldn’t end up hurting anyone again.”

A gentle kiss was placed on his lips. “I love you too,” was all that Equius said to his outburst and somehow that was enough to finally make the tears roll down his face.  
"I hate you."

“I know, but I promise I will never leave you as long as you need me to stay. And I promise we will find you someone that can help you.” Equius told him and kissed his forehead. “I will never give up on you, my beloved high.... my beloved Gamzee.”


	4. Chapter 4

Equius POV: 

Unmoving he sat on the ground, trying his best not to wake the sleeping highblood in his arms. He knew how difficult it was for Gamzee to find real rest, so he willingly suffer through the discomfort his highblood brought him, by once more choosing such an uncomfortable sleeping location.

The things he was willing to do for his highblood.

The symbols on the walls taunted him with their remaining presence.  
He hadn’t even been able to erase a single one of them before Gamzee began to scream and then completely blacked out. It scared him, how much power they held over Gamzee. .

A fond smile formed on his lips as he heard Gamzee mumble his name i slumber.  
The highblood could be so cute when he wanted to be.  
“I am here.” He promised and placed a soft kiss against the highbloods hair.“I will always be here for you.”

“Wow, so you are even sappier when you think no one is listening.” Gamzee grumbled and set up.  
“Who said that I didn’t know that you were already awake?” Equius replied and brushed Gamzee’s hair down, but of course they didn’t let themselves be tamed. They were just as stubborn as their owner. Just as capricious as Gamzee.

“What gave me away then?” Gamzee asked and he shook his head, for in truth he also didn’t know, it was just something he felt. He couldn’t really describe it.  
“Let’s just say it’s one of my special abilities.” He replied and then added. “But what would you say if I make us breakfast.”

For a long moment Gamzee was silent and he already feared that he had said something wrong, when Gamzee’s replied: “Would you all but allow me to make it? You gone and done so much for me. Can I at least do this for you.”

There was a faint blush on Gamzee's face as he said these words and Equius nodded his head.

Leave it to Gamzee to first make him worry and then turn the tables on him and make his heart sing in joy.

“I love you.” The words were out of Equius mouth before he knew what he was saying, but that didn’t make them any less true. He really loved Gamzee and after what happened this morning he finally knew that the highblood felt the same for him.

It made him so happy. It made him so feel so grateful.  
It made it hurt so much, when he noticed the look Gamzee gave him and heard the highbloods whispered reply. “So do I, but I wish I wouldn’t.”

With dread he watched Gamzee stand up and leave for the kitchen, wanting to run after the highblood and get him to talk, but knowing that wouldn't solve anything. Gamzee wished for a few minutes alone and so he obeyed the unspoken order.

 

When he entered the kitchen 5 minutes later there was a cup of coffee waiting for him.  
“I all but didn’t know how you drink your coffee. So I made you a strong aroma and put the milk next to it, if you want some.” Gamzee said, his back turned to him, but it was clear from the nervous way he held himself that he cared very much about Equius approval and somehow that made him smile.

“Thank you,”He replied and when Gamzee looked back at him, he took the cup and drank the bitter substance in one go. It tasted awful, but he would never let the highblood know that.

After putting the cup back down he walked up to Gamzee and lay his hands around the highblood.

“It was perfect” He lied and kissed the highblood.  
To his surprise Gamzee’s gaze turned sad and it was only now that he realized the things that were amiss.

“You are not making breakfast.” He said and Gamzee’s head dropped.  
“I’m sorry,” Gamzee whispered.  
“There was poison in the coffee wasn’t it?” He realized and stumbled back.  
“I’m sorry.”

“Why.” He pressed out between clenched teeth, feeling the poison set in .  
No answer was given, not that he expected any.  
Cold hands caught him, when his legs gave out.  
“Please forgive me.” Where the last words he heard before his world turned fully black

++++

 

There was something wrong with his hand.  
It was bleeding and two of his fingernails were completely gone.  
When his gaze wandered over the table, he found the device that had taken them from him. Blood was still dripping down from it.

“I heard that the flesh under ones fingernails is all kinds of tender and therefore it’s especially painful when ripped open. Is that true?”

There was a low hum in the back of Equius mind that almost sounded like whispers.  
“Why?” He crocked out through dry lips, but Gamzee ignored his question, asking instead:  
“Was it worth it? Were your lies really so important to you, that you were willing to pay in blood for them?”

He didn't understand what Gamzee was talking about, but apparently the highblood also didn't wish for an answer, because he continued: “Tell me, what you feel for me and this time don’t lie.”

The noise in Equius mind became louder. The whispers telling him an answer that wasn't his own.  
“I love you.” He bite out between pressed lips, keeping the hateful thoughts the whispers told him to himself, but instead of looking happy Gamzee’s expression turned dark.

The noise became deafening and Gamzee asked again. “What do you feel for me?”  
Once more it took him all his willpower to reply. “I love you..”  
For several timed this line of interrogation continued, until he notice something that made his heart sink.

Purple blood was filling Gamzee's eyes and running down the highbloods face. Gamzee was hurting himself by using too much of his power.  
“You know, it appears that it's still not easy to control a Void-players, even when you get them all kinds of drugged up.” Gamzee whispered and Equius flinched as he watched the highblood trying to wipe the blood away, only succeeding in smearing it all over his face.

  
“Gamzee I don’t understand what you trying to achieve with this, but you are hurting yourself and I…”

“THEN STOP LYING.” Gamzee screamed and he fell silent.  
“You know what I want to hear, so why can't you simply say it.”

Purple blood was dripping onto the table and he couldn't watch this anymore. If he needed to lie in order to make his highblood happy then so be it.  
“You mean nothing to me. Your feelings mean nothing to me. You were never important to me to begin with.” He said and felt like a traitor to himself and Gamzee, as he voicing the words the whispers muttered in his ear.

He wanted to reach over and comfort the highblood, but his body was fully under Gamzee's control for now.

  
“Why do you try to change my feelings for you? I thought you loved me too.”He asked and a long silence followed.

“I do, that’s why I do this.” Gamzee’s whispered, his gaze turned back to the ground. “I know that you are all but trying to be there for me and help me, but the thing you have to finally understand is that I can’t be saved anymore. I’m already lost and if you all but gonna stay I’m only gonna drag you down.”

Real tears mixed with bloody ones, as Gamzee said. “So please don’t let me be your murder again.”  
It hurt so much to hear those words, but he didn't know what he could say to comfort the highblood, for he knew that any kind words he had to offer would only hurt Gamzee.

“Do you know which planet the humans assigned to my symbol?” Gamzee asked and the change of topic caught Equius of guard.“A very pretty planet by the name of Saturn. It had these majestic rings all but circling around it and many of them humans said that it was the most beautiful planet in their solar system. But do you know what they all but associated the planet with.”

“Death and Destruction.” Equius answered in a low tone, finally understanding were Gamzee was going with this.

“Yep and them majestic rings the humans found so pretty, were nothing more than the asteroids Saturn tore apart and then decided to all but keep for itself, to form them pretty rings the humans like so much. And ain’t it all kinds of funny that they assigned that planet to me. It’s just so laughable accurate that it’s almost sad.”

The smile Gamzee gave him was filled with sorrow and regret.  
“I finally accept that I will always just be good at destroying and killing all the things I love.”

Harshly Gamzee rubbed over his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears and blood again.  
“I accept it. I truly do.” New tears rolled down the highbloods face. “But for you it's not too late. You can still find them happiness you deserve. You just have to give up this  love you hold for me… you just have to forget all about me.”

“How would I be able to do that, now that you told me all of that?” He wanted to scream, but Gamzee’s mind-control kept him from voicing his thoughts.  
He felt the whispers dragging him down below and he became unconscious again. 

 

+++

 

“Tell me what you feel for me?” The highblood asked, his voice far away and muffled.  
Numbly Equius looked up. There was a strange device in front of him that was drenched in blue blood.

“What do you feel for me?” The highblood asked again.

His hand’s hurt. Where had all his fingernails going? Why were they lined up in front of him like that? Would they grow back in, if he pressed them into the still open wounds?

“What do you feel for me?”  
Nothing. nothing. Nothing. nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. Nothing. nothing. Nothing. nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. Nothing. nothing. Nothing. nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. Nothing nothing. The whispers said and they were right. “I feel nothing for you.”

His gaze drifted back to his bloody fingers. “If you were hurt, I wouldn’t care. If you needed help, I wouldn’t care. If you felt lonely, I won’t care. If you needed someone to talk to, I won’t care. If you need someone to love you, I don’t care. Because I don’t care about you. You mean nothing to me. And if you get in the way of my happiness I will kill you.”

The highblood nodded his head, “I guess we are finished. You may rest now.”

Sleep.sleep.Sleep.sleep, the voices whispered and his eyes grew tired.  
Yes, sleep sounded very nice right now.  
Slowly he leaned forward and let his head sink against the wooden table.

Just when he was about to drift away into sleep, he heard footsteps approach him and felt someone kiss his forehead and though he held no feelings for Gamzee anymore that kiss still felt rather nice

* * *

Gamzee POV:

  
Warm sunlight fell through the broken roof and filled the room with its lovely colors.  
It was so nice to just stand there and let the sun warm him.  
For a moment it almost made him forget the terrible thing he had done yet again, but of course he could never forget fully.

Blood gathered on his fingertips, before dripping to the ground below.  
And wasn’t it funny that he was standing here in a ray of light while the rest of the room was drenched in darkness. 

Find me. Was written in cryptic symbols on the wall, the blood fresh enough that it was still running down the wall. And when Gamzee saw his new objective he began to laugh, for what else was he supposed to do, when the false god he served under was still not done with him yet?  
Would he ever be free of his past? Probably not.

Numbly he walked into the kitchen and regret filled his heart as his eyes wandered to the sleeping blue-blood on the kitchen table. He knew he should get the Equius back to his own hive before he woke up, but something kept him from doing so. It felt so final and he just wasn’t ready to let go yet. He didn't know if he would ever be ready to let go.

Slowly he sank down to the floor and let his head rest against Equius legs.  
“I just don’t know what I should do anymore." He whispered and felt more alone than ever before. "My old master has a new mission for me. Needing my help to rise again, but I ain’t don’t wanna help him anymore, for I know now that he never was anything more than a false god. Still he holds so much power over me and I don’t all but know how much longer I can deny his commands. Could you please tell me what I should all up and do?”

He tried to imagine the advice Equius would give him, but the blue blood was far smarter than him, so nothing came to mind.

“I’m scared you know. Terrified even and I really wished there was someone I could ask for help, but I know that I will put them at too great a risk and I don’t ever wanna see one of my friends get hurt again.”  
Once more he tried to imagine what Equius would tell him, but it was no use.  
He just couldn’t think like the blue-blood.

"I know I told you a thousand times that I don't need you and I wish it would be true, but in reality you are the only reason I was able to keep myself for doing them horrible things till now... I truly wish I could keep you at my side."

The continues silence was starting to get to him.  
“Do you remember the times we wrote each other before everything went to hell?” Gamzee asked and a fond smile appeared on his lips, as he remember all the conversations he had with the blue-blood on these long nights where his lusus had been gone yet again.

“Did you know that I always considered you a good friend mine?" His smile turned sad as he spoke his next words. "But I know you never felt the same for me, always told me that my blood was my only redeeming quality. Do you still feel that way?”

When warm fingers started to brush through his hair, he didn’t even notice it, the feeling so familiar and soothing that his mind just didn’t register it. “Could you please tell me that you like more about me than my blood, even if you had to lie?”

“You should know by now that I am not one for lying. So no I won’t lie. But the answer is still yes, I love you for so much more than your blood. In truth I love you even though you have purple blood."  
Surprised he looked up and was met with a loving smile he didn’t deserve.  
“You are awake?” Gamzee mumbled. “You shouldn’t be awake!”

A look of confusion settled over Equius features. "What do you mean with I shouldn't be awake?”  
A short pause followed. “What have you done Gamzee?”  
Another short pause. "There were sleeping pills in the coffee weren't there?"

Dumbfound Gamzee looked at the blue-blood.  
“Is that all you remember,” He finally asked? Not understanding how the blue-blood could forget everything that happened in-between.

“Is there something else I should remember?” Equius replied and mustered him with a hard glared, but somehow that made him smile even brighter. Gamzee knew he shouldn’t be so glad that his plan failed, but he couldn't help it he was overjoy about it.

“Nah, nothing really important all but happened.” He lied and was glad that he already cleaned the table and put all them suspicious things away. Of course Equius hands were still far from okay, but if the blue-blood noticed the wounds on his hands, he didn’t say anything about it.  
Like so many things between them, they just didn’t speak about it and while this might not be the best solution, it worked for now. And so what was there to complain about. 

His eyes drifted close, when Equius hand brushed against one of his horns and whether it was on accident or intentional he couldn’t tell, with Equius both could be true. “Would you all but do that again?” He asked and then started to purr when warm finger started to caress his horns. The sensation was just so wonderful.

Many hours he had spent worrying about the way Equius would react to him once he woke up and it had taken its toll on him. It was so nice to know that he never actually had to worry at all.  
So just for now he would let himself enjoy this.

 “Please more,” he whispered and nudged his head against Equius hands.  
It felt so nice to be taken care of. To have someone that loved him enough to give him this kind of affection.  
When Equius leaned down to kiss him, he gave no objection, opening his mouth willingly to let the other inside.

"If it would be okay with you, may we go a bit further then kissing this time around" Equius asked once they broke the kiss and Gamzee nodded his head. In a smooth motion he moved up from the floor and set himself on Equius lap.

“What did you all but have in mind.” He asked the blue-blood and kissed his nose.  
This wasn’t the first time they slept with each other, but somehow Equius always managed to act like it was, looking around all shyly and such, before saying. “I don’t really know, what would you like to do?”

Gamzee smirked as he asked. "You still like them horse-beasts really much, don't you?”  
"You mean." Equius inquired and Gamzee smirked got larger: “How would you all but feel to be my horse for a while. To be them horse I could ride?”

"But... I mean… Are you certain about this, highblood? I mean… a lowblood like me."  
He hushed Equius with another kiss. "Blood doesn't matter anything to you anymore, don't you all but remember how you told me that the first time we met on this newly created world and then you punched me straight in the face."

Equius flinched at his words and then whispered: “Could we maybe not talk about that unfortunate event.”  
Gamzee chuckled: "Why not. I mean it hurt really fucking much when you punched me, but believe it or not I really enjoyed that moment a lot. Do you know why?” Softly he kissed Equius mouth. “Because for the first time you stopped seeing my blood and started see me for who I am. And that made me really happy.”

“I saw more than your blood long before that.” Equius replied and Gamzee raised an eyebrow.  
“Really, then tell me all about it. When did your believe-system all but fall apart.” He tipped against the blue-bloods heart. “Or should I say, when did your lies finally all but catch up with you?”

There was a darkness that settled over Equius gaze as he replied: “You were in my head, weren’t you?”  
Gamzee smile innocently, but something inside him really wanted to drive the nail in further. To awake the rage he had found in the blue-blood’s heart.

There was just something so pure about rage, it was hot tempered and destructive, but at least it was truthful. In a world full of lies it was the only thing you could really believe in and maybe that line of thought was what had made him the Bard of Rage in the first place.

“Yes I was and I saw so many things in them head of yours. So many lies.” Gamzee whispered and then chuckled in glee. “I find it so funny that the person that claims to like the truth so much, is them greatest liar of them all. I mean you really got us all convinced that you truly believe in your own lies.”

He felt Equius grab his arms, silently telling him to shut up, but there was just this one problem. He couldn’t stop, once he knew he had gotten under someone’s skin. Especially when it was someone that seemed so fucking calm all the fucking time.

With a taunting smile he said: “And how you got us all fooled. Not a single person could have guessed that Equius Zahhak, the one that constantly went on and on about the merits of the blood – system, did in fact hate said system more than anyone else.” The grip around his arms tightened. “Tell me when was it that you all but realized that you were a mutant? When did realize that your only chance to survive conscription would be if you became completely loyal to the cast system?”

“Shut up.” Equius growled and it was like music to his ear.  
“And if your exorbitant strength would have been your only mutation, it might even have worked, but then came the other problem didn’t it? Your ability to shield your mind from anyone that tried to enter it. But when you realized the problem with such an ability, you were already so caught up in your own lies that you couldn't stop anymore. All but werent you .”

Equius shut his eyes. His body was shaking and Gamzee knew he tried his best not to give in to his rage. The sight was beautiful and he knew he only needed to push a little further.  
“You became a slave to a system you hated only to then realize that your efforts were pointless from the very start, for if only one purple-blood noticed them strange blue-blood whose mind couldn’t be controlled you would have been beheaded on the spot.”

And just like this he had done it.  
With a low roar Equius pushed him against the table and it was like they were back into their black mindset all over again. “I am not a slave anymore, especially not to the likes of you.” Equius growled and bite his neck with enough force to draw blood. And Gamzee loved every second of it. They had never gotten around to sleep with each other while they were still in a black quadrant so Gamzee had always wondered how that would feel, seemed like he was about to find out.

“Oh really, if that’s the case why don’t you fuck me already?” He screamed back and rubbed himself suggestively against Equius. “I can tell how much you always wanted to fuck a highblood. So here is your chance, lowblood.”

“I hate you.” Equius hissed and then kissed him like he wanted to suffocate him.  
Their kiss was all teeth and tongue and blood and so much delicious rage. It made Gamzee drowsy.

“I never dared to say it out loud, but I always hated you purple blood’s so much, with all your stupid religious nonsense and your horrible abilities. I never understood how a cast that was literally nothing more than a ticking time bomb could be so high on the spectrum. The only person that maybe has an even worse ability than yours is the Condesce and sometimes I think even her life expanding and shortening ability is nothing compared to the harm your cast can do with your blighted chuckle-voodoos. Tell me do your victims beg for death whenever you enslave them with your chuckle-voodoo?”

Instead of answering the question, Gamzee replied with a statement he already knew to be true. “But that’s not the real reason you hate us purple bloods so much now is it?!”

“You are right. It’s not. My reasons are a lot more personal and some may say a lot more pathetic. But screw them and their fucking opinion. I hate you and your kind so much because after everything I gave up to model myself into the perfect servant you would have still killed me without a second thought the moment you would have realized what I could do. So obsessed with keeping your power that you would eliminate everyone that might get in your way. Even before they ever did anything to harm y.”

“Then what will you do now, to show me that we don’t hold any power over you anymore?” Gamzee asked and within a second Equius replied. “I want to bring you to your knees and make you scream my name like I’m the only god you believe in. I want to hurt you like your cast intended to hurt me and I want you to realize that your life is mine now and that the only reason you are alive is due to my mercy.”

“Then do it.” He whispered, expecting Equius to give in to his suggestion, but instead he was let go and Equius stepped back.  
The eyes that stared him down where filled with hate and rage and was there even a glint of purple in Equius eyes? “No I won't! For I know that's what you want me to do and I refuse to be anyones fool ever again.”  
Equius growled and then used his Void-Abilty to disappear from sight.

“I loved you and this is what you gave me. I hope you are proud of yourself.”  
Gamzee thought he heard the emptiness whisper, before nothing remained.


	5. Chapter 5

Equius POV: 

A cold wind brushed past him, as he stood there at the edge of the balcony and looked down at the world below. There wasn’t much to see beyond a stormy ocean that reflect his current state perfectly.   
Something had changed within him and he wasn’t certain if he was alright with it. Not that he really got a say in it. 

As another wave rolled against the shore, he noticed that he wasn’t alone anymore and so he cautiously turned around, expecting to find Gamzee, but it wasn't the highblood that stood before him. Or at least it wasn't his highblood.

In dismay he watched Kurloz waving his hands at him, telling him something through sign language that he couldn't understand.  
“If you have to tell me something, I would suggest you opened your mouth and talked. And if you want to lie about your ‘condition’ then please don’t, I can’t stand liars.”

For a few seconds Kurloz just stared at him with wide eyes and he almost believed that his words had gotten through to the purple-blood, but then Kurloz just pulled a notepad from his pocket and started to write him a message and this was the moment Equius decided he was so done with all these stupid purple-blood's and there twisted mind-games. 

“Just talk or leave. I have no patience for this.” He growled and Kurloz gave a deep sigh.   
“No wonder my brother took a liking to you. You are almost as stubborn as he is. Always needing to have things your own way.” Kurloz whispered, his voice rough and low from all these years of self-chosen silence.

“Just get to the point already.” He snapped and went back to watching the waves roll over the sea. The water had such a nice dark blue color and he wondered what it would be like to get lost in this stormy ocean. To be swept away by the waves and leaving this empty land behind.

“I worry about my brother.” Kurloz told him and he felt the urge to laugh.   
“Well if you are so worried, then why don’t you go to him instead of wasting my time?” He hissed and rubbing his temple to keep the oncoming headache at bay. Why did all purple-bloods have to be so infuriating?

“Because he doesn’t let me.” Kurloz gave back and that was when Equius rage changed into concern. Not that he wasn't willing to admit it.   
“I don't care about Gam... the highblood anymore, if you are looking for someone willing to help. Go and look somewhere else.”

When a hand was placed on his shoulder he wanted to push it off, but something held him back. Maybe it was because Kurloz and Gamzee looked rather similar in a way and he had never been good at hurting Gamzee. 

“This is as far as I can go before I am being blocked out. I don’t know how to reach Gamzee and I know you are the only he lets in. So please help my brother.” Kurloz told him, then added. “He is dealing with powers he can't hope to control and I fear he will rip this world apart if he continues on with the path he has chosen. So I beg you to make him stop.”

For a moment Equius thought about it and his eyes drifted over the ocean and it's beautiful display of power and destruction. He couldn't allow Gamzee to destroy this world.   
“What do I need to do?” 

“Just go and talk to him.” Kurloz said and suddenly he stood in front of Gamzee's 'hive' without having any recollection of how he got there. 

Jegus, he really hated purple-bloods. 

The faintest smell of aromatic plants was in the air and he instantly knew what he was dealing with.  
He had known that Gamzee had been keeping secrets from him, but never would he have thought that the highblood was actually foolish enough to preform witchcraft. Really just how dumb and desperate could one be to try something like that. 

With a beating heart he went into the hive, hoping that it wasn't already to late, but knowing that it most likely was. The aroma of plants was thick in the air and grew steadily stronger the further he went.  
The walls were humming with magic and emitted a soft purple glow. A whispered song was playing in his mind and he knew that he might not make it out alive if he went any further, yet he couldn't turn around anymore.

There was someone waiting for him in the center of the house, but that someone wasn't Gamzee.  
It was a person of his past. Someone he thought he would never see again.   
Someone that died in his arms and still haunted his dreams and nightmares alike. 

She looked at him with loving purple eyes and when she reached a hand for him, he took it without a second thought.

 

 

Gamzee POV:

Dark clouds passed above him, forming unnatural patterns in the sky and he knew he should leave this place as soon as he could, but first he needed to find something here. What that something could be he had no idea.

So many graves where all around him and though he didn't know any of the hous-sign engraved in the stone-plates, he knew he was responsible for their deaths. He and everyone else that had been stupid enough to play the game that destroyed their home -planet. And wasn't it funny that all the other players saw him as a monster for killing two of their teammates, when in truth they also were responsible for the deaths of thousands. What hypocrites they were.

A small stony road lead down to the ocean, but he didn't dare to follow the path, for he knew what would await him there.  
Seeing his lusus die once had been difficult enough, he wasn't able to go through that pain ever again.  
He would never go down that path again. 

Harshly he turned his gaze away and found that he wasn't alone in this dead place anymore.  
How Equius ended up here he didn't know, but somehow the blue-blood always managed to find a way to appear in the strangest of times and places and so he had become used to it.   
He was about to call out for the other troll, when he noticed something that made his blood run cold. He remembered this place, but not from his own memories, but from the things he had seen in Equius mind. 

This place had not been created for him, but for Equius.  
He was the intruder and not the other way around. 

„I never thought I would be able to see you again.“ He heard the blue-blood say and his heart sank as he watched Equius sink to his knees in front of his dead matesprits grave. 

He knew now that he should have never entered Equius mind in the way he did. It had been wrong from the very start and he wished he had never done it. He wished he hadn't found out about the blue-bloods past in the way he did. 

„You saw her right?“ It took him a moment to realize that Equius was talking to him, but when he did he could only muster a small. 'I'm sorry.'  
„That's not what i meant. I'm asking you, because i can't remember her all that clearly anymore.“ When he didn't answer right away Equius continued. „I know that I loved her with all my heart. I know that she had the most beautiful smile and that i loved her personality. I know how happy it made me each time I manage to make her laugh and how she lightened up my world just by being there. But I forgot so many things about her.“ In a whisper the blue-blood added. “I don't even know here name anymore.”

In silence Gamzee averted his eyes, as Equius began to brush the dust of the worn down gravestone that held no name, nor any other information about the person that was buried here. “What kind of matesprit forgets the name of their beloved?!” Equius said, the question barely audible, but filled with so much pain that Gamzee wanted to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. But that would be a lie, wouldn't it be? 

There was no cure for death, at least not for those that weren't Players in a twisted game of Sgrub that gave them the power to create a new universe, through the destruction of the old one.   
But now the game had ended and even they wouldn't be able to cheat death again. 

No matter if king or pawn you were all the same in the eyes of death. 

“So what are we doing in this graveyard, where only the dead are supposed to be?“ Equius asked, apparently needing a change of topic and Gamzee was all to glad about it. He had never been all that good about consoling others. Or maybe he had just lost that ability a long time ago. 

Thoughtfully he looked up to the sky, were black crows were circling above them.   
“I don't really know. This 'adventure' was ordinarily being planned for only me and I was trying to dissolve my connection to Lord English by going into my subconscious and destroying the thing that binds me to him. When you all but decided to tag along, you messed things up a little, especially because you once also were one of Lord English components.“

Black feathers drifted down from the sky and when Gamzee reached out his hand he managed to catch one of them in mid air, but the moment his fingers closed around the black feather it dissolved into nothingness. And that wasn't a good sign at all.  
“How did you even find this place.” He mumbled, the question meant more for himself then Equius, but the blue-blood answered anyway. “She was the one that showed it to me.” Equius said and nodded his head to the grave and in a way it made sense, because.. “She had been a witch, hadn't she been?” 

Gamzee didn't even needed to wait for the blue-blood's confirmation, for the truth was all around them.   
This place didn't belong to Gamzee, but neither did it belong to Equius.  
It belonged to the witch Gamzee had never met but felt a strong connected too. 

In the era that Gamzee and Equius were born in, witches and magicians had been almost extinct, but once there had been a time where that craft had been special but not uncommon on Alternia, but that had been eons before. Most likely the highbloods of that generation didn't like how magic didn't favor one blood over the other and therefore found this power to be a threat for the ruling class and decided to burn thousands upon thousands of witches and magicians, till they thought there were none left.

“I truly wish I would have had a chance to talk with her.” Gamzee stated and Equius gaze turned cold.  
“You mean to trade information's from one witch to another.” Equius snarled, not having had the best experiences with magic in his life so far. 

“Magician.” He replied and Equius expression turned to one of confusion. “The male form of a witch is actually called magician, not that it makes much of a difference. For a long time I also referred to myself as being a witch mostly because my lusus used the word magician and witch as synonyms without telling me the difference. I guess the old goat didn't real care for gender all that much. It was actually Karkat that told me the difference between the boys and girls and made me aware of them fact that only certain clothes can be worn by guys. Though I still find that rule rather stupid. Why can't I just wear what I all but want to wear? It doesn't make much sense to me?” 

When the crows changed their formation, Gamzee watched them wearily.   
“But what I was actually wanting to say is that she might be the reason for our predicament. I always found it weird that you were one of Lord-English components when there was nothing binding you to him. You a heretic, a blue-blood and a Void-Player. There was nothing there.” 

On black wings the crows landed all around them. Drenching the graveyard into this black void.  
The biggest of them, landed on the grave of the witch and finally Gamzee knew what he was meant to do. 

Cautiously he made his way forward, as he continued to explain. “But maybe it was never all but you that had the connection to the Lord of Time but her and in her death she transferred that duty over to you.”

Black wings spread in a warning gesture, as he reached a hand for the large black crow.  
He knew that the crow readied itself to attack, but he also knew that he needed to connect with it, for if the witch had left a massage for them then this crow was most likely her messenger.

Upon touching soft black feathers, Gamzee felt the energy that had created this place flow through him, but to his surprise there was nothing else.   
There was no message to be heard. Their magic so similar that he couldn't pick up a conversation, for it only echoed his own voice back at him. 

When he let go of the crow it gave another loud shriek and flew away, leaving him with nothing but more confused emotions. Just what was all of this supposed to mean. 

He was about to turn back and tell Equius all that he wasn't able to find, when he saw the black feather that lay on top of the grave. 

Carefully he touched the black thing, expecting it to dissolve like the other one, but instead it transformed into a small silver necklace.   
It showed Equius sign and he knew this necklace had something to do with the connection Equius shared with the witch, yet still he was hesitant to even show the blue-blood what he had found.   
Not willing to give away something that had never belong to him in the first place.   
And maybe it was wrong to steal form a dead person, but whatever. The witch gave him the necklace willingly and so it was his now. He wouldn't give it up without a fight. 

“There was nothing to find. We should go and look around if anything is here that might help us.” He told the blue-blood and began to walk away, doing his best not to notice the judging gazes the crows were giving him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> I always like bringing fantasy elements into a story, but I hope I didn't make things to confusing through it.
> 
> I guess I really like to write stories with Gamzee in it, because through his chuckle-voodoo I have an excuses to make the worlds I describe surreal and a bit confusing.   
> I also like how Gamzee can be sweet and naive at one moment and then become dangerous and unpredictable in the next. Yep I really like having Capricorn as my sun sign. 
> 
> Anyway I would really appropriate it if you told me what you think about this story and leave kudos to help me stay motivated :)


	6. Chapter 6

The sun was a flaming orb above him, the sand a hot desert below him.  
There was nothing to see but sand and more sand.   
His lungs were burning from all this fiery heat and his legs were heavy like stone. 

He only wanted to lay down and give up.  
What did he even hope to achieve anyway? He would never be free of his masters hold. All of this was pointless.

His feet dragged over the sand. How long had it been again? An hour, a day, a week he couldn’t tell anymore.   
The blazing sun and the unbearable heat were the only constants of this place and he would fall to their powers sooner rather than later. 

His vision was swimming before him, but it was okay. For there was nothing more to see then sand and more sand anyway. Everything was okay. Everything was fine.  
Silently he stumbled along his way, trying his best not to trip over his own feet, but knowing it would become a hopeless endeavor. 

When someone grabbed his arm and kept him from falling, he was torn between being grateful and lamenting the fact that he was kept from resting on this nice looking ground. He was just so exhausted. He didn’t wanted to go anymore. He just wanted lay down and rest. 

“You know everything would be far easier when you stopped being so stubborn.” Equius told him and it was only after a while that he noticed that the blue blood was carried him.

“Why do you still help me?” He asked tiredly and felt himself shift in and out of consciousness. The necklace was dangling for his wrist and if Equius had noticed, he didn't said anything about it.  
“Because you are really bad at taking care of yourself and I will not allow you to die that easily. There are still things you need to redeem yourself from.”

Softly Gamzee hummed to himself. “Do you still love me?”  
A long silence followed his question and he began to suspect that he wouldn’t get any answer, when he heard Equius reply: “I don’t know.” 

A smile formed on his face. “I’m glad.” He said quietly and let his head rest against the blue bloods shoulder. “For it means that I’m not completely irrelevant to you yet.” 

“You should rest now. I will tell you once we reach our destination.” Equius told him and it was the confidence in the others voice more than anything else that made him wonder.  
“Where are we going?”

“To the place you have been running from ever since we got here.” Equius replied and his heart sank. Harshly he pushed against the blue-blood's shoulder and tried to free himself, but it was of no use.  
“Let go off me.” He screamed and gave a surprised yelp when Equius actually let him drop.

“Ow,” he whimpered as his back made contact with this mean sand that had spontaneously decided to take on the structure of stone.   
He was about to complain about this harsh treatment, when he noticed the hateful glare Equius was giving him. 

“And just how much long do you wish to keep on run away from your problems?” The blue blood asked, the tone of his voice turning the question into an accusation. “Ever since I know you, you did nothing else then run away. First through your sopor slime, then through your self-serving isolation and now you even physically run away from everything.” 

Another surprised yelp escaped Gamzee as he was harshly pulled back up to his feet. “Why can’t you stop being such a coward for once in your life?! Is that really so much to ask for?” 

When he wasn’t able to formulate an answer in due time, he was shoved back to the ground. “Pathetic. I should have known better than to get my hopes up, after all you are nothing more than a self-centered purple blood.” A cold look was in blue eyes as Equius continued. “All of this your fault. I tried my best to be there for you. To be what you needed me to be, but you couldn’t help but push me away, while also pulling me in. So scared of letting anyone close, yet so afraid of being left alone. And I let you lead me on, for I thought you were worth it. And I let you hurt me, for I thought I could bare it.”   
In the light of the sun it almost looked like there were tears in the blue-bloods eyes. “But I wasn’t and you broke me. My mind is in shreds and it’s all your fault. But do you know the worst thing about it. ”

Gamzee reach out his hands wanting to make the pain go away.  
“I want to kill you.”   
His body froze up and his hand hung awkwardly in midair.

When Equius kneeled down beside him, he couldn't help but winche “I want to hurt you and break you in the same way you broke me.” A soft kiss was pressed against his lips. “I want spill your blood and be the last thing you see before you die.” Another kiss was pressed to his lips and the gesture was so familiar that he leaned into it.   
“But I also want to be loved by you. I want to help you with every obstacle you face and I want to be the one you can always rely on. And I hate you so much for creating this conflict inside my mind that is slowly tearing me apart. Someday soon I will stop being the person I was before and it’s all your fault, because you couldn’t make a clear decision if you wanted to love me or not. You lead me on and like the fool I was I let you do it.” Gently his hair where brushed out of his face. “But right now this is not about me, but about you. You need to make a decision. Do you want to move forward or do you want to go back."

Roughly Gamzee bite his lip.   
It wasn’t like he wanted to be a coward, but the prospect of seeing his lusus again and then having to lose him again, wasn’t something he wanted to go through. How was he supposed to do that? He loved his goatdad, so how was he supposed to watch him die again.

Yeah his dad had left him alone for many moons at a time, but it wasn’t because he didn’t care. It was because he was really old and couldn’t stay on land for long. It drained his energy to much. It wasn’t his dads fault. It really wasn’t. 

Warily he looked up to the sky where the sun was still high on the horizon and realized that it wouldn’t sink until he went to the place he needed to visit. Equius was right, he needed to make a decision, but was his heart ready to go through such pain again.   
If he continued on this road he had been following as of now, he would only go round and round in circles till the heat would kill eventually him. In truth he only had two options: 1 Moving forward 2. Going back. And he had never had been one for turning back. 

“I’m ready.” He said quietly and his stomach formed into a tight knot, as he closed his eyes and started to concentrate. This was his mind, it was time that he took control of it.   
When he felt the cold water brush against his feet he knew he knew he had found his way back home. Expectantly he opened his eyes and was met with a face he trully missed to see.  
“Gamzee.” Equius spoken his name sternly, but he couldn’t turn his gaze from the person that stood before him. Old white eyes looked at him with a found expression and there was this gently smile he had missed so much.  
“Dad” he whispered and the man nodded his head.  
Without a second thought he fell into his lusus arms and sobbed against his chest. “I missed you so much. Please don’t ever leave me again.”   
Cold fingers brushed through his hair and he heard his lusus hum a soft tune he had never heard before. It was beautiful, yet why did it make him feel so sleepy. Well it didn’t matter anymore he was finally back home and there was nothing to worry about anymore.   
\------------------

Equius POV:   
When he heard the soft hum emitting from the ‘seagoats’ mouth he knew exactly who he had to blame for Gamzee knowledge in the art of magic and somehow he wasn’t surprised at all. Gamzee’s lusus had always appeared rather sketchy to him. 

When milky white eyes turned to him, he felt rather exposed.   
“I remember you.” The old goat said and he couldn't help but flinch.  
“What have you done to Gamzee,” He asked and move a warry step forward.

“I sent him off to sleep, for he appeared very tired.” The old goat said and mustered Gamzee with a fond expression, making Equius tension reduce slightly. Though he didn’t trust the lusus at all, at least it didn’t appeared to want to harm the highblood. 

“You know where you are and that none of this is real.”  
Slowly Equius nodded his head. “I am aware. And yes, I also know that this doesn’t mean that we are save from harm. If something kills us in here we will die for real. If the host dies then the all components will break apart.” 

“And still you are willing to help my son freeing himself from the Lord that keeps him trapped? Even if it means that you might break this world of yours apart?”

For a moment he thought about it, then he answered: “I know what it’s like to have your freedom taken from you. To wake up one morning and find yourself entrapped in the choices you made throughout your life. It’s nothing I wish on anyone.”  
His gaze drifted over to the ocean. For all the flaws Alternia had, it was still his home-planet and he missed it dearly. “I always hated the hemospectrum for all the rules it forced upon us, yet I still followed them willingly for I knew that once we were adults we would have no other choice then to fulfill the roles fate decided for us.” 

A rough wind pushed past him and made the sand dance in the wind.   
“I thought that if only I changed my view on this system that I could be free in my confinement. But a prison is still a prison even if you manage to make yourself believe that this is for the best and that you don’t need more. Every illusion is bound to break at one point. Freedom is a right everyone deserves. ” 

He couldn’t read the seagoats expression, but something told him that the lusus approved of his answer. 

“You truly are your ancestor’s son.” The seagoat said and the statement took him by surprise.  
“You knew my ancestor?”  
“He was the moirail of my first son. So yes I knew him indeed.”

 

Equius head was spinning and he really hoped that his assumption wasn’t correct. “And your first son was?”  
“Kurloz Makara or as your world titled him the Grand Highblood”   
He felt sick, how could his ancestor be the moirail of such a monster. And yes maybe he was being a hypocrite but he didn’t think so for Gamzee was nothing like his ancestor.

“Kurloz wasn’t the monster your history makes him out to be, in fact he was a really good kid until your world went and changed him. He was idealistic and naïve and only ever wanted to change the world for the better, but in the end it was the world that changed him and not the other way around. His ambition turn to determination and finally led to destruction. He was so fixed on making a change that he couldn't even stop when he realized just how much he himself had changed.” 

A large wave rolled over the sand and Equius shivered, whether it was from the seagoats words or the coldness of the water he couldn’t tell.  
“You know, your ancestor once promised me that he would protect my son, but in the end he only came back too apologized before disappearing and never be seen again. After that I swore myself that I would never raise another troll again.”   
“Then why did you take Gamzee in?”  
“Because I didn’t had the heart to let him die. When you are born with magic powers it means two things: One your magic pattern will be similar to the one of your ancestor and two no regular lusus will ever willingly take you in. And before you ask why, let me tell you this: Your race is rather obsessed with keeping the structure as it is. Not only did you burn the witches and magicians of your race in thousands you even trained us lusus to never want to raise a wiggler with magic abilities again.   
So many times I had to see a small magic light being born into this world only to then feel it flicker out and die. I couldn’t let this happen to the descendent of the son I loved so much and so I took Gamzee in. It felt like fate gave me a second chance to make everything better, instead I failed him so much. Unlike his ancestor my dear Gamzee wasn’t born with gills, so he couldn’t follow me into the ocean which is my natural home and the source of my magic. In my old years it costed me a lot of energy to stay on land and so I could only visit him for a certain amount of days before I needed to return to my resting place. I really tried my best to be a good lusus for Gamzee, but I fear it wasn’t enough.”  
Equius wanted to say something nice, for it was obvious that the seagoat really cared about Gamzee, but his inability to take proper care of the highblood had led to all kinds of problems.  
Not only had Gamzee developed an eating disorder from all the sweeps of being malnourished, he also had abandonment issues, trust issues and not long ago a severe case of drug addiction. All in all be wouldn’t even be able to give this lusus a D- at parenting, for its only accomplishment had been to keep Gamzee alive long enough that he learned to take care of himself. Well at least more or less. 

So instead of confessing his real thought on the matter he asked a question that had bothered him for quite a while now. “But why did you teach him magic? You of all people should know how dangerous that art is. ”

“Because it is part of who he is and if I hadn’t done it his magic would have gotten as out of control as his chuckle-voodoo is right now and no I can't teach him how to control that purple ability, for I don't have it.”

Equius gave a deep sigh. He really hated all this magic and purple blood stuff, so why did he always find himself entangled in it. “When I was younger I knew someone with magic abilities, do you might know who that someone was or which lusus could have taken her in?”

The seagoat looked truly surprised at his question. “I don’t know any lusus that would be old enough to know the art of magic anymore. Maybe the lusus of the fuchsia blood, but I always kept away from her so I don’t know if she knows magic. Other than that I can’t tell, but it is possible. After your race decided they didn’t wanted to have any magicians around anymore, they also began hunting us lusus with magic abilities down. They killed so many of us. It was a truly a dark time.”

Equius heart sank, as he heard that answer, but then he harshly shook his head for he needed to focus on problems of the present.   
“So what can we do to help Gamzee break the connection to Lord English?”


	7. Chapter 7

He awoke to the sound of an loud argument. Well at least one of the participants was loud, the other just sat there in complete silence and took his time, yet it was the quite one Gamzee had learned to fear the most.  
   
“WELL THEN DO WHAT YOU WANT, MOTHERFUCKER. BUT DON'T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN YOUR PLAN FAILES.” The loud one screamed and stormed out of the room, without so much as glancing back .  
   
Once the door had fallen shut, purple eyes turned to him and Gamzee shrank in on himself. He never like visiting his subconscious, for he had to share it with these two psychos.  
“you are awake.” His other self said and Gamzee forced his eyes shut, trying to block him out, but it was already too late, the song had already began to play.  
His ‘brothers’ chucklevoodoo had taken control of him.  
   
Without his will his eyes were reopen and he was forced to look into a face that was identical to his own, yet it wasn't him at all. “did you miss me, brother.” His split persona asked and icy fingers traced over his face, making him shiver.  
   
“Silence.”

The name feel from his lips like a broken prayer and the other smiled.  
“so you haven't forgotten about me after all.” Silence whispered and broke his skin with his sharp claws. “but no tell me brother dearest, why don't you wear our face-painting anymore.”

A pained scream fell from his lips as Silence craved the symbol of their house into his flesh and then traced the open wound with his fingers. “you know that only heretics can get away with not wearing any painting. and we aren't heretics.”

Gently his face was cubed in cold hands. “shh, brother. there is no need to look so frightened anymore. you already pay for your treasonous actions so i forgive you, better yet i will personally see to it that you get a special paintings for today. aren't you excited..”  
   
When Silence pulled on his hand he had no other choice then to follow along.  
For many sweeps now his brothers chuckle-voodoo had been far stronger than his would ever be.  
   
In a messy pile on the desk lay all the painting tools Gamzee had thrown away sweeps ago.  
So many colors were waiting for him, but he couldn't remember ever possessing so many.  
“sit down,” A voice in his head said and he had no other choice than to follow the order.  
   
“i was thinking that I wanted to go for a different mask for tonight.” Silence told him and gently picked up some of the colors from the pile. “make your true soul shine through.”  
A cold glance was sent Gamzee's way. “you don't mind right, brother?”  
   
Even if he would have wanted to answer, Silence gave him no time to do so.  
He simply grabbing his chin, and flung a white powder into his face. Instantly his eyes watered from the burning sensation but Silence didn't even allow him closing his eyes. And it was then that he truly remembered why he hated all his abilities so much. For they were never truly only his.  
   
For a blissful while he was kept unaware of the mask Silence painted on his face, but then the realization struck him like a lightning bold and he shook his head in horror. Or rather he would have shaken his head in horror if he would have been allowed to do such a thing. But of course Silence kept his movement under control while drawing all these fine lines across his face.  
   
Gamzee himself had been the one that came up with the structure of this painting and he had only worn it on the holy days of prayer, for the structur took rather long to paint.

 “you look beautiful like this.” Silence told him once he was finished and Gamzee almost wished he would have said it in a sarcastic manner, but of course Silence would never lie unless it brought him something of value. And Gamzee had learned a long time ago that Silence simply didn’t care about him or his feelings.  
   
Comforting arms lay themselves around him and a soft voice spoke into his ear. “i will free you from these moral burdens others put on you to drag you down. don’t fear brother, in due time you will be yourself again.” Cold arms tightened around him. “i will never let them win.”  
   
When a knock sounded on his door Silence stepped back.  
“seemes like one of them is already here to try and take you away again. why don't you go and invite him in, let us have some fun?”

There was a coldness in Silence voice that Gamzee didn't like, but what other choice did he have then to obey his brother’s orders.   
“Come in,” he called out in a small voice and with a bow Equius entered his room, before placing a bowl of soup on his nightstand.

“I heard noise coming from your room and assumed you were awake, but my highblood what are you doing on the desk. My last examination stated that you have fever and therefore should stay in bed.”  
 When he didn't get up to lay back down in bed, Equius gave him an annoyed look.   
“Gamzee. Get into bed right now!”

He really wanted to follow the blue-bloods orders, but he really couldn't. Silence was keeping him from doing anything other than looking at the mirror and seeing the reflection of a man he never wanted to be again.  
   
When he was roughly picked up from the chair and carried to the bed, he could have sobbed in relive, but even this he couldn't do anymore.  
“Why do you always have to be so troublesome,” Equius questioned, as he put him down on the bed and wrapped soft blankets around him. “Sometimes I really…” Abruptly Equius stopped his sentence and stared at his face.  
   
“I remember that face-painting. From whom did you learn it?”  
A dip on the bed made Gamzee aware that Silence had set down beside him and was now mustering him with curious purple eyes. “Go on ahead i will let you talk, as long as you don't approach any bad subjects.”  
   
“I created it myself. It was once meant to show my devotion to my religion, but now it only reminds me of all the horrible things I have done.”He stated and a tense silence fell over the room, making him wish he had just keept silent.  
   
“I see” Was everything Equius say after many agonizing seconds, then he offered Gamzee the soup he had brought along. "You should eat now. You might feel better afterwards.”  
   
“there are pain-killers in it. seems like your matesprite doesn't trust you enough to take the pills on your own free will.” Silence told him and he knew that his brother was right. There was something off with the soup, yet he didn't say a word about it and simply took the first spoon of soup.  
Whatever reasons Equius had to trick him, they must be good ones. For Equius never trick him without a good reason.  
   
“that's a nice thought, but so very naive.” A voice in his head whispered, but he ignored it.

The soup was warm and filled his body with a pleasant heat.  
It didn't taste right, but it was okay after all he was used to eating far worse things.  
Food was food as long as it didn't make you sick that was his motto  
   
“Thank you,” he said once he was done with the meal and a small smile appeared on Equius lips.  
“Always, my highblood.”A soft kiss was placed against his lips. “Rest now. I will look after you in an hour or so.”  
When Equius took the empty bowel from his hands and stood up, he started to panic.  
In a quick motion he grabbed Equius arm and pulled him back onto the bed.  
“Stay,” he begged and wrapped his arms around the blue blood.

Low snickering came from his brother and he heard him whisper. “seems like we have a slumber party all up in here. just me and you and this peasant blood you invited into our bed. if i didn't know better i would think you intend to make me jealous.”  
   
Blue eyes looked at him with concern. “What is it Gamzee, did you have a bad dream?”  
Several times Gamzee's mouth open and closed, before he finally was able to say something, but the words that left him were completely different from the ones he prepared to say. “I want you to fuck me.”  
   
A concerned looked passed over Equius face. “That’s quite the change in topic and even if I wouldn’t mind such an… activity, I think it would be better if you let your body rest first. We can still do that later.”

He just wanted to nod and be done with this conversation, but ofcourse his brother had other plans   
“Karkat always told me that the first time you slept with someone it should be with someone special.” He blurted out, hating Silence for making him admit this secret.

Equius gaze turned to one of confusion. “I fear I can't follow, we have already slept with each other on several occasions. This wouldn't be the first time.”  
   
Gamzee's face turned a deep purple when he heard himself say these next words: “Well we have, but not in the way were you... fucked me.”  
Jegus he just wanted to disappear right now, did Silence plan to kill through an overexposure of embarrassment or what?  
“I...i didn't know.” Equius stammered his face also gaining color and Gamzee just wanted to hide away. This was terrible.  
 Deep laughter came from the person to his left. “both of you look so cute when you are blushing. i think i might keep both of you.“

An akward little cough left Equius mouth.  
“I still think we should wait till you are better.”  
He really wanted to agree, but instead he had to bite down on his lip with all his power to keep the next words from coming.

“you know we can also play a different game if you don’t like the one we are playing right now.”Silence told him and place a knife next to his hand. "if you don’t want to humor me anymore, i might see no other chance than to humor myself.”

When Silence took the kinfe back in hand, Gamzee decided it was safer to play along.  
“Please Equius, I need you right now.” He whispered, his ears turning purple from embaressment.  
   
A shuddered of fear went through him when icy fingers petted his head.  
“that was a smart decision my pet. now let this peasant blood know how desperately you want to be fucked by him. how much you want his bulge in your tight little nook, that never has been filled before. Tell him that you want to be all full inside. And maybe if you give me a good show, I might fuck you myself afterwards.”

On the inside he was screaming, but on the outside he was forced to say.  
“Please Equius, I need you in me right now. I finally want to know what it’s like to get my nook all kinds of filled up and have your genetic material in me. Please do me this favor.”

Blue eyes scanned the room as if they were looking for an escape, but the way Equius held himself made clear that he really wanted to give in.  
“That’s an order, Equius,” Gamzee was forced to say and for a moment everything stood still, then he was pushed deeper into the bed and kissed with a force that made his head spin.

“You should know by now that I don’t follow your orders anymore.” Equius growled against his lips, before devouring his mouth again. A mixture of flavors assulted Gamzee senses, but he couldn't identify a single one of them, because Equius just didn't give him the time to do so.

Over and over again the blue blood stole his mind with the force of his kiss.

“and see who is enjoying himself now.” Silence whispered against his ear. “for someone who was so against this idea you gave in rather quickly. Could it be that you are a nook slut after all, my dearest brother?”

 A shudder went down his spine, as Slience grabbed his horns and started rub them.  
“to bad that the peasant blood can't see me, i think we could give him quite the show."  
When Silence started to lick his horns he couldn't help but moan against Equius lips.  
And is to torture him further Equius double his efforts with the kiss, leaving Gamzee completly breahtless.

The sensation of having both his horns and mouth assaulted like that was simply too much.  
And by the time Equius and Silence finally stopped, he was shivering from head to toe..  
    
Cold arms wrapped themselves around him and a kiss was pressed against his temple.  
“Ready for the next step, brother.” Silence asked, but didn’t wait for his reply before making him say: “Equius, I demand of you to get me out off these clothes.”

Once more everything was still for a moment, before Gamzee felt the sharp pain in his neck and realized that Equius had bitten him with a force that broke skin. Purple blood dripped from the blue bloods mouth, as he growled. “I told you before, that I don’t like it when you order me around, my highblood.”

An it was at this moment that Gamzee forgot the situation for an moment and smiled. He had gotten Equius to growl his title like a curse instead of this honorable thing that needed praise. He always loved it when he got Equius to do that.

“Then maybe you should punish me, so that I finally learn my lesson,” He growled back, this time reacting completely by his own free will and found himself supprised that Silence didn't interfere. His distraction had the consequence that Equius was able to pin him to the bed and rip his clothes apart. “You are right, maybe I should do teach you a leasson.”

“who would have thought that my baby brother is not only a slut, but also a masochist. i’m learning so many valuable things today.”

Ignoring his brother’s spiteful words, he gave himself to the blissful pain Equius provided him by tracing kisses and bites down his body.  
“But do you know what really pisses me off about you?” Equius asked and Gamzee’s smirked for he gotten the blue blood to curse, an accomplishment he was truly proud of.  
“That you are just so stubborn that you can't even listen to the simplest of advices. I told you to rest, yet look at what we are doing instead. Is it really so hard to follow a simple order.”

“I don’t know, is it? I remembering ordering you to fuck me, but instead you’re just wasting my time. So maybe you should answer the question yourself.”

He heard his brother snicker again, but chose to ignore him for a second time.

His smile formed on his face when he watched Equius strip naked and saw his fully unsheathed bulge wiggle in the air.  
For all that Equius liked to pretend to be so proper and polite, he was just as much into rough sex as Gamzee was and just like him Equius was both a masochist and sadist, which suited both of them rather well.

Cold fingers entwined themselves with Gamzee's and his brother leaned closer.  
"and now I will let this peasent blood fuck you. for you have sinned in the eyes of our gods by falling in love with a heretic. And by the way thank you for breaking his shields for me" Silence whispered and Gamzee saw a flicker of purple light in Equius eyes.

“Wait I .…” he began, but his sentence turned into a scream as Equius pushed his long thick bulge all the way inside him, without giving him a chance to prepare.

Harshly he threw his head back, scrapping his horns on the wooden bedframe  
For a moment his entire world turned black and a blinding white pain filled him. There was a ringing sound in his ear and his horns were throbbing like crazy.  
But somehow the pain was… fucking perfect and he wanted to feel it all over again.

His brother smirked at him and started to pet his head again.  
"i knew you would like it. i just know you to well" Silence stated and kissed his lips. "But before we continue there is something I need from you."

Nervously Gamzee looked up at his brother. "What is it."  
"oh it would be to easy to tell you right now, i will demand my favor later on. soooooo, what do you say do we have a deal, or not?"

Roughly Gamzee bit his bottom lip, he knew that Silence would get his way no matter what he did. And he really didn't feel up to being cut to pieces yet again.

Slowly he nodded his had and instantly hiw world filled with pain again, as 'Equius' entered him a second time without warning.  
“What a pathetic weakling you are.” 'Equius' growled into his ear and fucked him in a rough unforgiving rhythm, while his brother watch the 'show' with sadistic amusment. The pain was delightfull, but the purple shine in Equius eyes filled him with fear.

"that's right my dearest brother, just give in to your true nature and let yourself be fucked like you were always meant to be fucked. rough and brutal and most of the time by those that are lower then you. for you have sinned and this is what you deserve for breaking our holy rules. "

Gibberish words left Gamzee's mouth when the blue-blood hit a spot inside his body that made him see stars.

"seems like we found the special spot inside your body that will make you sing for us." Silence teased and pressed a kiss to his lips. "but i must admit i never thought you would be such a sight. you look beautiful like this. all streched out under a peasant blood your nook begging to be filled with the colors of a heretic."

Over and over again 'Equius' hit the spot inside his body, that made his vision turn black.  
After a while his screams turned to moan and finally to whimpers as Equius bulge tore his inside apart, and he couldn’t help but love ever second of it.

Maybe his brother was right about him after all. Maybe he really was a nook slut.  
"i'm always right," Silence whispered into his ear and kissed his cheek. "But you should really open your eyes, so that you can finally see the beautiful sight you and this peasant blood are making. there is already so much gentic material between the too of you. i can even see some of the hertics material already drip out of you."

In a rough motion Equius flung him on his stomach and entered his nook from behind. The angle was strange at first, but then he found himself helplessly moaned along with ever harsh trusth Equius gave him. Worse yet he even rocking back with the ryhtm Equius set, all while knowing that Silence was watching him with these cold calculating eyes.

When even his whimpers subsided, it was only the wet sound of Equius bulge penetrating his nook that filled the room and somehow the sounded was like music to him.

When Equius grabbed his waist and lifted his backside up in the air, he gave no protest. In truth he even helped him do it.  
"More" he sobbed and Silence fullfilled his request, by making Equius fuck him harder.

When the blue blood hit the spot form this angle, Gamzee came with a loud sob and then buried his face in the pillow due to all the shame he felt.

Finally it was over, except it wasn't

Forcefully the blue blood shoved his way inside Gamzee's nook not caring about the fact that he couldn't take this anymore.  
Tears of pain and pleasure streamed down his face with every thrust Equius gave and he felt his inside being torn appart more and more. His nook was burning and tried to force the intruder out by becoming thighter, but that only made the situation worse.

By the time 'Equius' finally filled him with his genetic material, Gamzee's face was covered in tears and he had orgasamed for a second time.  
With a loud wet pop Equius bulge sliped from his nook and cold fingers pushed into him.

"that was truly an amazing show you gave me brother, unfortunatly i don't think you would survive a second round, so I guess we have to keep our own little love making sessions to a different time, but here.."

Harshly the fingers that had been in his nook only seconds before were shoved into his mouth. "have a taste of the wonderfull thing the two of you created. i am so proud of you"

And then Silence was gone, leaving him with confused blue-blood and a bed that was drenched in purple and blue genetic material.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the two new charaters in this chapter are Silence and Wrath.  
> Silence is the Gamzee that only speaks in lowercase letters.  
> Wrath on the other hand is the Gamzee that only speaks in uppercase
> 
> Wrath: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS.   
> Silence: we are higher than you, brother.   
> Wrath: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY.   
> Silence: and now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand.   
> Wrath: I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE.   
> Silence: they were always both me. :o)   
> Wrath: AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. Do:


	8. Chapter 8

Harshly he rubbed over his face, trying to get the already non-existing face-painting off his face. Steaming hot water ran down his cheeks, but it still wasn’t enough. He needed to get clean. He needed to get this fucking painting off.  
The sound of shattering glass rang through the room and purple blood dripped down into the sink. Broken glass cut into his flesh but he hardly noticed it. From the fractured mirror his own reflection stared back at him, still wearing that gruesome painting.  
More and more blood dripped down into the sink and he wondered if that wasn’t for the best. The glass was glistering with promise, whispering of a way to escape all of this. Telling him stories of better days. Telling him that the only cost would be a fleeting moment of pain.  
His back collide with one of the bathroom wall and slid down into a sitting position.

Someone was knocking on the door, but he ignored them.  
“I wanted to…” Equius started, but then interrupted himself as he opened the door and saw the mess Gamzee had made of his hand and the bathroom.

“Gamzee,” His name was spoken so very softly and he hated it. He wasn’t some fragile thing that could be broken merely by being addressed to loudly. He had survived 90 gunshots to his chest, for Jegus sake.

Warm hands cupped his face and he couldn’t help but flinched back.  
Shocked blue eyes looked at him and with guilty he watched his matesprite drew back.  
“I’m so sorry.” Equius said and moved even further away.

“There is nothing you needed to apologize for, brother. If anything I should be the one apologizing. After all it were my abilities that went crazy and made you do what you did. So stop blaming yourself.” When he noticing that Equius wanted to argue with his statement, he raised a hand and said: “Please let us stop talking about this. I just want to forget, okay? Maybe at a different time I feel ready to talk about it, but not now.”

Carefully Equius place a hand over his, this time giving him enough time to prepare for the touch. “Just know that I am here for you and that I will always listen.”  
“I know.” He replied and after a moment of hesitation entwined his fingers with Equius. “And I'm grateful for it, but I'm not ready now. And anyway, you and goatdad have been coming up with a plan on how we can proceed, haven't you?”

Softly Equius hummed in agreement and tenderly removed the glass shreds from his hand. “So you already know. Did you eavesdrop on us or has it something to do with your.. abilities.”  
Equius gave a deep sigh when he didn't answer and tenderly wrapped his hand in bandages. “You know that he really wants to talk with you, don’t you?” Once more he refused to speak. “Gamzee. You know better than I do that his time here is limited. Do you really want to let him leave without so much as speaking with him?”  
Absentmindedly he let his unharmed hand brush over the marble floor. The stone was smooth, yet so very cold under his fingertips. “And what should I all but talk about with him? He was my lusus, yes. But he was never there for me when l needed him. I know his reasons, but I still missed him so much. In fact I missed him all the fucking time and he just wasn’t there. He just left me to my own devices and now he is back and I am happy and I am angry and most of I’m sad for soon he will be gone again.”  
Tiredly he let his head sink to the blue-bloods shoulder and remembered all these days he spent on the beach waiting for his father. All these nights he was alone, with no one to spend him company. The flickering of his laptop the only constant in his memories. His desperately waiting for someone to contact him.

“You always texted me at the exact same time.” He whispered, probably confusing the blue-blood with the sudden change in topic that only made sense in his mind. “I always wondered if you set a clock for it or if it was just coincidence. Did you know that I was always waiting for your texts even though I knew you would only confuse and probably insult me.”

A kiss was place to his hand and it always confused him how Equius knew exactly when he just needed someone to listen. “You always sent me such mixed signals. Going for black to red flirting and then just insulting me at a general not flirtatious level. Even while I was high I picked up on that so obvious were you. But you know, it always made me happy when you texted me, for it meant that I was important to you. For a few minutes I was not alone anymore and even though it most likely didn't matter all that much to you, it meant the world to me. And now you love me...”

“...but I will **not** leave you.” Equius said sternly, answering the doubt that had plagued his mind.  
“I know that you think that everything you love will leave you, but that's not true. Just say the word and I will stay with you forever.”

“Forever?”  
“Forever and always!”

A smile stole its way on Gamzee's face. “You shouldn’t promise something like this, for I might taking you up on your offer.” He replied and pressed himself closer to the blue-blood that emitted such comforting warmth.

“Don’t worry I never break my promises.” Equius told him and lay his arms around him. “But now you should really go and talk to your lusus, this might be the last chance you ever get.”  
Tiredly he nodded his head. “I know, but I’m scared,” he admitted and closed his eyes. “Won’t it hurt even more if I get close to him now only to lose him later on? Yes, there are all so many questions I never got to ask him. So many things I wanted to tell him over the years, but he was not there to hear my words and so I kept them all inside. I just don’t want to lose him again.”

“So you keep hiding away from him and refuse to talk with him, because you wish you could spend more time with him?” Equius asked and putting it like this, made his action seemed really contra productive didn’t it?

“You're right.” He mumbled and Equius let go of him. “I need to use this chance I was being given, even if it hurts more afterwards.”

“Would you like me to go come with you?” Equius asked, but he shook his head.  
“I have to do this on my own.” In a soft voice he added. “Thank you… for everything.”  
This time he didn't back away when Equius touched his face. “Always. And please remember that you are not alone anymore, I will always be there for you no matter what. Never forget that.”

“Same goes for you, my blue-blooded brother. You won’t get rid of me so easily anymore. I’m of the house Capricorn and we are not known for ever letting go of things that belong to us. Sorry to inform you, but it seems like you are stuck with me from now on.”

A mischievous glint appeared in Equius eyes. “Oh the tragedy that has befallen me. What might I have ever done to be met with such a terrible fate? Is there still a chance to save my soul?”  
Gamzee couldn't help but smirk. “Nah, you’re already lost my friend. Better give in to them fate of yours. Your soul is mine now and I will never give them back. I guess you will just have to learn how to deal with it.”

Another kiss was placed to his hand. “I love you, Gamzee. Please never forget that.“  
“I love you too, Equius.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A hot cup of chocolate was waiting for, as he entered the room.  
“I’m really glad that you decided to join me.” His lusus said, as he set down at the offered chair. “I hope you still like hot chocolate as much as you did when you were younger.”

Carefully Gamzee took the cup in hand and drank. The taste was still so familiar and reminded him of all these cold winter nights spend with his father in front of a fireplace. Being told stories of a time that had long since passed.

When tender fingers touch his face, his first instinct was to back away, but than he felt the magic wash over him and remembered that his father was a gifted of healer.  
Under a beautiful song his pain disappeared and he was made anew.  
But it was a bittersweet experience, for he knew it was the last time his father would ever heal him.

“Why couldn’t you be there for me?” He whispered and felt his heart overflow with pain as he admitted: “I missed you so much, yet you never stayed with me. I know your reasons, but I needed you so much and you were never there. You always left me alone and I never knew when or even if you would ever return. And now you are going to leave me again and I don't know how to deal with that. Please tell me who I should deal with this.”

Gently his hairs where brushed out of his face. “Gamzee, my son. Please look at me.”  
Slowly he followed his fathers request and looked in purple eyes that reminded him so much of his own.  
“Each time I had to leave you, I feared what would become of you. I was so afraid that someone would take you from me and that I would be all alone again. Yet each time you were waiting for me, having grown a little bit older and a little less dependent on me. It made me sad to know that I could never truly see you grow up, but it also made me happy that you learned to survive on your own. And please let me tell you this, my son, I am so proud of the person you have became.”

Harshly he shook his head. There was nothing to be proud of, he just caused more damage than good no matter what he tried.  
A hand under his chin made him look up again. “I mean it. You become everything I could have hoped for and so much more. And I am truly happy.”

Roughly Gamzee turned his head away. “You don’t know me. You don’t know the horrible things I have done. So stop speaking so casually about things you have no knowing about… whatever you see in me you go it wrong.”

“I talked with your friend. He told me all these things you would never speak about. So I know you better than you give me credit for and my statement still stands I am proud of you Gamzee. I know that life has been unfair to you and that you deserved a better lusus than I could have ever been, yet you still turned out to be such an wonderful person and I wished you could only see yourself the way I see you.”

Gamzee bit his bottom lip. He really wanted to make his lusus understand that he got it all wrong, but know it was no use. His father was as stubborn as he was.  
Once set on a opinion it was impossible to change his mind.

“Then tell me. When will you all but abandon this – oh so wonderful- son of your again” He asked sarcastically and then his eyes widened in shook as his lusus replied. “I only have a few more minutes to spare, my body is reaching its limits. I waited as long as I could to be able to talk with one last time, but now I need to rest.”

His father was reaching for him, trying to comfort him, but he back away.  
He had known from the start that his lusus time was limited, but still he had hoped that they had more time. Just a few more hours. Just a bit more. It just wasn't fair.

“I needed you. I always needed.” He whispered and let the shook sink in. “I needed you and you always had better places to be.” He accused and his hands clenched into fists. “I needed you and you were never there.” He screamed and flung his cup of chocolate to the ground.  
“So why can’t you be there of me for a change. Just one time. Just this fucking once.”

Cold fingers pulled him into a hug and he wanted to scream and he wanted to cry, but instead he turned motionless in his fathers arms. He was going to lose him again and there was nothing he could do about it. Fate had already decided.

“Gamzee, there is a favor I need to ask from you. Could you please remember me in kind and not for all the flaws I had?”

Harshly he shook his head. “No! No, I won’t. For you will stay here and make everything better.”  
His father’s touch softened and in a whisper he was told. “Gamzee, it’s time. Please don’t let us depart with such bitter emotions. You mean everything to me and I don’t want this fight to be the last memory you have of me.”

“Fuck you, I will certainly not smile while my father leaves me yet again.” He screamed and pushed against his lusus chest, freeing himself from the others hold and it was only then that he noticed how fragile his father had become. Their time was up and there was nothing he could do about it.

“I wanted to have more time with you. I wanted to tell you so many things that you missed out on. I wanted us to really be a family.”

When he saw his lusus form turn unclear, he knew he had only seconds left.  
“But for all the flaws that you had, you are still the only lusus I ever wanted. I love you, I have always loved you and I will always love you. And this is the only way I will remember you.” He said and tears of anger rolled down his face, as his father disappeared from sight. Leaving him all alone yet again.


	9. Chapter 9

Equius POV: 

Softly the leaves moved with the wind, creating their own sweet melody.  
Warm sunlight fell through the greenery and touched his face.  
The grass was warm beneath his feet and he felt the calming effect this place had on him, yet he couldn't shake the felling that something wasn't right.

Slowly he moved closer to old the tree that stood lonely in the middle of the clearing.  
A foreigner symbol was carved into the old tree and it almost felt warm under his fingers as he touched it. 

„Equius, look.“ He heard a voice called out for him and he could almost see them smile that sweet smile of theirs that he loved so much, but when he turned around no one was there and it was only the leaves that continued to play their soft melody. 

Suddenly a harsh wind picked up, making him take a few steps back and close his eyes. When he opened them again nothing was like it had been before. The trees had died. The grass had wittered and a lone grave had replace the once so towering oak.

Someone was waiting for him by the grave, holding their hand out to him and he knew that even if he would have wanted to run away, he couldn't do so.  
Cold fingers closed around his arm and pulled him to his knees. „I waited for you.“ The formless figure said and looked at him with dark eyes. „You told me that you would always be there for me, but you never were.“ Harshly he was shoved to the ground. “You ran away the first change you got and left me all alone.“ They growled and he gave no resistance as cold fingers closed around his neck, for what right did he have to fight back.

White clouds moved above him, as his lungs screamed for air and he wondered if fate was always bound to repeat itself. Just how many times had it been that a purple-blood had tried to kill him in this way? And how many times was he unable to fight back out of fear of hurting them? 

Strange, hadn't that been the problem the first time around?  
Wasn't the reason why his first matesprite died, because he dared to fight back?

He almost saw it. The purple blood that covered his face. The broken bow he had pushed through their stomach. The sobs of pain and despair that shock his body, as he held his dying matesprite in arms. 

No he would never be able to do that again.

When cold tears feel on his face, he reached up to his beloved and gently brushed them away.  
„It's okay.“ He whispered and smiled, for he wanted to see them smile again. 

To his surprise the hands around his neck loosened instead of thightned and he was able to breath again.  
When he looked around he found that the scenery had changed back to this lively green clearing and instead of his former matesprite it was Gamzee that sat beside him. 

“Why?” Gamzee screamed, tears running down his face. “You know that there are times that I ain't in control of what I am doing and you promised me that you would fight back when something like that happened and yet...” More tears where running down Gamzee's face. “you did nothing, when I almost killed you again.”

Carefully he reached a hand for the purple-blood, but Gamzee slapped it away.  
He knew that the highblood wanted an explanation, but there was nothing he could say to defend his actions and so he watched in silence as Gamzee stood up and whipped his tears away.  
“Well whatever I was a fool to think that you would ever keep them promise of yours. No one ever keeps them promise of theirs and I'm all kinds of stupid for still getting my hopes up.” Gamzee snapped and turned away. “Go and do what you want, but I still got to find them place my lusus mapped out and whether you coming or not I don't care.” 

The short look Gamzee gave him as he walked away, made clear that the highbloods words weren't in sync with his feeling, but that he need time to proceed what had happened and so he followed in silence as his highblood lead the way.

Tall trees were loomed above them, their green branches swaying in the wind and whispering words into his ears that he couldn't understand. The road was overgrown with roots and he had a feeling that he had walked this road a thousand times before, yet he just couldn't remember when that should have been.

Soft blue light flickered before him and he knew they had to follow them in order to get where they needed to go. That this was the only way to move forward.

A sudden pull on his hand made him stumble back and nearly hit his head against one of the trees.  
“What is wrong with you today.” Gamzee growled holding his arm in a crushing grip.  
“Do you have a death wish or something? This is all but the third time you try to run of on your own, getting both of us in danger. Do you think this is a game or something?”

His eyes wandered past Gamzee to the blue lights that were still waiting for him. 

“I think we have to follow them.” He said and Gamzee's expression darkened.  
“Do you all but know what these things are?” When he didn't answered, Gamzee continued. “They are Irrlichter or ghost lights. They all but wait for travels that are stupid enough to follow them and make them get lost in the forest, walk of a cliff or get eaten by some kinda creature. Is that what you want?” 

“I still think we have to follow them.”  
For a moment Gamzee positively looked, as if he wanted to hit him, but then he just forced him to sit down and took a place beside him.

“I'm sorry,” Gamzee whispered and he didn't know what the highblood as apologizing for until he continued. “I underestimated the power this place would hold over you. Old magic runs through every plant and ever tree of this forest. I was wrong in assuming that you would be immune to it, just because you are naturally better at shielding yourself form such influence. We will rest here for a while and then I will do my best to get you out of here alive, okay?”

“I'm not under anyone's influence,” He proclaimed and Gamzee bite his lip with enough force to make purple blood drip from his mouth. He didn't know whether he should find it sweet that the highblood was so worried about him or disappointed that his highblood didn't appear to believe him. 

Gently he traced his fingers over the highbloods mouth, making Gamzee stop attacking his own lip and stated: “And I would appreciate it if you finally stopped hurting yourself, it always makes me really sad to see such a thing” Tenderly he kiss the highbloods lips and let his tongue flicker over the bleeding wound in an attempt to soothe the pain. 

“Than what is it that makes you behave in the way you do?” Gamzee asked and his eyes turned sad as he added. “You promised that you would remain by my side, yet you would have let me kill you again. You promised you wouldn't allow me to be your murderer, yet you did nothing when I tried to strangle you.”

Carefully he pulled the highblood into a hug, feeling the tremors running through the purple-blood's body. “I lost my father only hours ago, don't let me lose you on the same day. I rather do this on my own if it means to keep you save. Just please don't die on me.”

Gently he ran his fingers through wild black hair and explained in a soft voice. “You won't be able to find what you are looking for without me. The thing you want, I think I have found it in the past and she is trying to help me remember.” 

“You mean witch sis. But why was she making me all but attacking you than? Surely she ain't wouldn't want to hurt you.”

His eyes turned distant as he confessed: “Because that is how she died...” His grip around Gamzee tightened, for he needing to know that his highblood was still with him and save.  
“She tried to preform some kind of ritual, but something went terribly wrong and she attacked me. I tried to stop her. I tried to make her see reason. But in the end...”

Cold arms closed around him trying to give him comfort, but it only made it harder to say the next words. “...I killed her.” The hold around him tightened, but it only made him feel more lost. “She broke my right horn and it hurt so much. There was so much blood running down my face and I couldn't think clearly anymore. When she began strangle me I started to panic. I tried to push her off myself, I just wanted her to stop, but nothing I did was enough. When my fingers found the broken bow lying next to me, I used it... I pushed the sharp end through her stomach and when my mind caught up with what I had done it was already to late. She was bleeding out on the floor and there was nothing I could do to save her.” 

“Equius.” The voice speaking his name was soft and comforting and he wanted to give in to it, but he needed Gamzee to understand.

“So please, my highblood. Don't ever make me promise to harm you again. I can't do that. I just can't. Everything else you can demand of me, but not this.”  
His heart pounding a violent pace, as he finished his speech, for he feared that Gamzee could think less of him for not being able to follow one of his orders and maybe even hate him for the things he had done to another purple blood. 

When Gamzee's fingers moved under his chin and made him look up, he almost wanted to refuse, but at last he gave in to the others touch. “I'm sorry that I demanded something like that of you. I should have known better. Guess I still can't help but being rather self-centered at times. And I'm really sorry about the thing that happened to your matesprite. I don't even want to imagine what it's like to lose them loved ones of yours in such a way and I really wish I could be better at comforting someone, but.. yeah.. I'm really bad at it.... I'm sorry...”

The dreadful feeling in his body went way, as he heard Gamzee's words.  
“It's alright. It happened a long time ago, but I needed you to understand why this is happening and why we need to proceed in the way I stated.”

Gamzee's eyes flickered to the blue lights before them. “I still don't like following these creepy light around, but if you say that's how it's got to go than I believe you. Just please... be careful.”  
He was about to stand up, when Gamzee pulled him close again. “And please remember that I also try to be here for you. Whenever there is something you need to talk about or need help with, then please let me know, okay? This relationship isn't a one-sided deal you know?!”


	10. Chapter 10

Gamzee's POV:

_Once there were two young trolls merely 3 and 4 sweeps of age. They were full of live and ambition. In their search of new excitement they left the traveled path and explored the forest on their own. They had no fear, for they thought they could deal with everything._  
_Oh how wrong they were…_

Slowly he followed Equius into the darkness, the warning of his lusus ringing in his mind. The sunlight could no longer reach them, for the leaves of the trees build a masive wall between them and the outside world. After a while even the last bit of light was left behind and it were only these ghostly orbs that illuminated their way, casting everything into their ominious shade of blue.  
Gamzee's expression grimed as he looked back behind himself and found what he had already feared. Something was following in the darkness behind them, always just out of lights reach.

  
_In the darkness the young trolls found that they weren’t alone anymore. Something was follwing them. But no matter how hard they tried to get away, the beast was always right behind them. Waiting paithently for their lights to die out._

  
“Something is following us,” he said quietly, but instead of looking concerned or even remotly suprise, Equius answered in a way that he hadn't expected: “So you noticed.”  
He didn't know if it bother him more that Equius had aparently known and didn't said anything or that he wasn't concered at all. "Equius, I don't think you..."He was cut off mid-sentence, as the blue blood explained: "I didn’t wish to speak about them for I knew they would scare you."

When blue eyes shifted to him, he could barely suppress a shudder. Something was wrong with his matesprites eyes."Let me assure you that they mean no harm. They are just lost and hope that we can guide their way,” Equius said, but now that he paid closer attention he noticed that even the blue bloods voice sounded different.

Carefully he drew a dagger from his pocket and hid it behind his back. He didn’t like fighting his friends, but at this point it was clear that something was influencing his matesprite and whoever was able to control Equius was certainly good at mindcontrol.

Forcing ones way into a Void-Player's mind wasn't exectly easy. Even Silence looked pleased with the challange it offered. And god, did he hope that it wasn't his brother the were up against now.

With growing unease he followed Equius deeper into the forest, until the lights stoped moving and returned to Equius as if he had been controlling them all along.  
“Do you finally remember where we are, my highblood?” Equius asked and gestured to the darkness around them, as if that would make things clear.

  
“Before I met you this was my home and now see what you have done to it.” A bright light blinded him and it was only when he could see again that he noticed the large double that stood before him and should by all means lead nowhere.  
" _when the lights of the two trolls were about to die out, they found themselves standing before a large set of double doors and in their exictement they almost forgot about the looming danger they were still in.”_

  
A white key was placed into his hand and he was guided closer to the door.  
_“It was the younger of the two that found the key that should unlock the door and give sight to what you are about to witness too”_ Forcefully his hand was pushed to lock and even though he tried to fight Equius grip, he had no other choice then to unlock the door.

_“And once they lay eyes to the place behind the doors, they finally understood where they were going and that it had been Death all along that had followed so close behind.”_

********

  
Equius POV:

  
When the door opened he found that nothing was the same anymore.  
Where were the beautiful gardens and magnificent temples? Where was the library he had spent so many days in. Where was the market that sold so many wondrous things? Where was the joyful laughter of the other children and the nice lady that had always offered him tea?

On numb legs he passed through the door and followed the broken road to all these ruins that once had been inhabited by his friends and family. He had failed them. He had failed all of them. He had been their guardian and he had failed every single one of them.

When a soft yellow light emitted from a house in the far back, he felt new hope bloom in his chest. Maybe not everyone was dead. Maybe he could at least save one person.  
In an instant he had crossed the distance to the house and stepped through the door.

*****

Gamzee POV:

  
Shadowy creatures hid behind the wreckage of a town that must have been rather beautiful at one point in time. Dead trees reached their thin branches for him and he understood why the story describe this place as the town of the lost.  
Whispered curses followed him around, as he made his way deeper into this unholy land. He didn't like this place, but whatever they were looking for it was going to be here somewhere, he could feel it.  
When Equius suddenly jumped up and made his way to one of the houses in the far back, he did his best to keep up, but it wasn't enough. Equius was far more athletic then him and that would be fine if it wasn't for the black smoke steaming out from under the door.  
"Equius...", he called out, but his mouth was covered before he could say anything else.  
Without a second thought he bite down on his oppressors hand and then elbowed him in the face for good measure.

“Equius, watch out!” He screamed, but it was already too late.  
In horror he watched his matesprite open the door to an endless darkness and step inside. When the door shut with a loud boom, the realization of his failure slowly sank in.

He didn't even fight as his attacker grabed his wrist and draged him away, for why would it matter anymore? His matesprite was dead and his soul would forever wander in this darkness that had tricked him.  
It was a fate he wouldn’t even wish on his worst enemy.

Cold iron shackles bound him to an execution chair, but he hardly cared.  
“NO NEED TO LOOK SO GLOOMY. HE AIN’T DEAD YOU KNOW.” The person beside him said and for once he really looked at them.  
"Wrath," he whispered and his evil double nodded his head.

“I CREATED THIS TRAP TO GET HIM AWAY FOR A WHILE, SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. HE WILL JUST REVISIT SOME OF HIS FORGOTTE MEMORIES AND WILL RETURN UNHARMED TO YOU.”  
"Why would you tell me this? Why would you even go through the trouble of doing something like this?" He asked, as Wrath put more shackles onto him.

  
"SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T PAY OUR GAME ANY MIND IF YOU THOUGHT YOUR LITTLE LOW-BLOOD WHORE WAS DEAD AND I COULDN'T LET THAT HAPPEN. SO I COLLECTED HIS MEMORIES FROM THE FOREST AND PLACE THEM SOMEWHERE BENEFICAL, FOR I KNEW THEY WOULD PROVIDE ENOUGH OF A DISTRACTION. EVERY MIND WANTS TO BE WHOLE AFTER ALL. ALSO I FOUND IT FUNNY BECAUSE I TOO PLAN TO GO ON A LITTLE MEMORY TRIP WITH YOU. IT'S CALLED: 'ALL THE SINS THE WITCH COMMITED'. AND TELL YOU SOMETHING BROTHER DEAREST, YOU EVEN GOT THE MAIN ROLE IN THIS GAME OF MINE. AREN'T YOU HAPPY."  
An evil smile streched across Wrath face as he continued. "AND LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE THAT ARE ALREADY HERE TO TESTIFY YOUR EVIL DEEDS AND WATCH YOU BURN AT THE STAKES, LIKE EVERY WITCH SHOULD BURN."


	11. Chapter 11

Equius POV:

From high up on his “watch-tower” (= an old oak tree from impressive height) he looked out at the forest and found himself amazed by the beautiful scenery that lay before him. Green, red and yellow trees stood together and created a beautiful mix of colors.  
Autumn truly was a wonderful season.

The soft rustle of feathers brought him out of his thoughts and to his surprise he found a large black crow sitting on a branch next to him. Curious purple eyes stared at him and he could only stare back. Since when did crows have purple eyes?

More rustling could be heard, when he slowly reached into his bag and pulled a few slices of apple from it. For a long moment the crow only stared at him, then it snatched the food from him and flew away with its ‘stolen’ goods.

A smile was on his face, as he watched the crow take flight, but instead of disappearing into the sky -like he expected- the bird made a sharp turn downward and landed on the shoulder of a troll that was waving up to him.  
Long black robes, a pointy hat. Was this troll a witch and the crow that just visited him their familiar?!

Carefully he made his way down, for he was curious to learn more about this strange visitor.  
When beautiful purple eyes turned to him, he felt his body freeze up. A highblood?!  
A witch that was also a highblood! He wasn't prepared for this.

“Hi there. I didn't all but meant to bother you, but Moon here found you standing all the way up in the tree and it made me all kinds of curious. Wanna be friends?”

His mouth opened and closed several times, but all that come out were pathetic whimpers.  
Great job Equius, why don't you look even more stupid in front of your superior, or was that already the worst you could do. He berated himself, but it didn't help. He just couldn't find his voice.

“Are you hurt? Did one of the branches slam into you on your way down?” The highblood asked and he just wanted to disappear. This certainly wasn’t how he wished to be remembered by the first highblood he ever met.

Cool hands cupped his face and he instantly felt his heart pound more intensely.  
“Your temperature is kinda high. Might be an incoming fever?” The highblood told him and when he felt his cuts and bruises heal he understood that they were able to use healing magic. A very rare ability.

“Don’t worry you will feel all better in a second.” They told him and lay their forehead to his. “Will make you feel all kinds of better.”  
His temperature rose higher and higher, with every second the highblood remained in such close proximity and he felt like he was slowly dying. But it felt so good and he never wanted them to stop.

“umm… you look even more feverish then before.” The highblood said once they moved a step back and somehow he already missed their presence.  
“Yes and I also still feel a bit dizzy. Could you maybe heal me some more?” He asked and wasn't even ashamed about this half-lie he was telling the highblood. Truthfully he would say about anything to have them close again and when the highblood only gave a friendly smile, before healing him again, he realized two important things.

1\. The troll before him didn’t understand the delicate social standards of their race at all.  
And 2. He definitely wanted to marry them.

 

“Marry me.”  
The words were out of his mouth, before his mind could catch on to what his mouth was saying, but when it did, he wanted to punch himself in the face. How could he be so stupid to voice his inner thoughts like this. Was there anything more embarrassing he possibly do.

“Sure, sounds great.”  
His heart forgot how to beat when he heard the highbloods reply. They couldn't be serious, now could they? “Under one condition.” Okay, there it was. The moment they either made fun of him for saying something so stupid or demanding something nearly impossible so that they wouldn't tell anyone else about this. Just what of the two things would it be?

“You gotta tell me what 'marry me' means.”  
His mouth dropped open, when he hear the highbloods question. Did the purple-blood seriously just agree to something without knowing what he was agreeing to?  
Seriously this highblood certainly was something else. But fine it gave him a perfect opportunity to back out of this. “It’s not so important, I didn’t even intended say it anyway. Don't concern yourself with it.”

“But I wanna know. It sound’s fun and I wanna do it.” The purpleblood insisted and he made the mistake of looking in pleading purple eyes and be swept away by them.  
“It’s a sort of ritual two people that a very close preform. It starts with the promise of always remaining together, then continues with the exchange of rings or something else of value and ends with a kiss that seals the promise.”

“So its like a promise of eternal friendship?” A glint of excitement filled purple eyes.  
“If you want to put it that way, then yes. I guess?”

“Wow that sounds amazing. I wanna do it” The highblood proclaimed and he couldn't help but wonder what trouble had he gotten himself into? Maybe it would have been better if he stayed up on his tree. Far away for all this madness.

“Maybe we should introduce yourself first.” He offered than added. “My names Equius and what may I call you?”

“Gamzee Makara, House Capricorn.”  
Oh god, not only had he confessed to a witch that was also a highblood, but now he had to realize that they were a Capricorn too. Like the same sign as the Grand Highblood?! Like an heir to the purple-bloods throne?! Like royal even under royals?!  
God, he really should have stayed up on his tree. That would have been the smart thing to do.

An angry hissing sound filled his ear and a white cat was practically shoved into his arms. “And that’s my familiar, his name is Sun.”  
Angry green eyes glinted up at him and something told him that this cat was only seconds from attacking him. Sharp claws were drawn and murderous intend emitting from the little white cat.  
Thankfully Gamzee realized his discomfort and took the cat from him before a fight could insure.  
Well it wouldn't be much of a fight, because he fully intent to simply run away when it came down to it. Cats were dangerous beasts, his moirail was prove of it.

The rustling of feathers could be heard and the crow from before set down on his shoulder.  
“And that’s my other familiar, his name is Moon. I think he took a liking to you, which is unusual for he isn’t much of a people person.” Coal black eyes stared expectantly at him and he had a feeling why this crow liked him so much. Once more he pulled a few slices of apple from his pocket and the crow instantly took them.

“So now that we got them introduction all but behind us, can we finally marry? I always wanted to have a friend for life..... Or any friend at all, really.”  
When he saw the sad expression on the highblood's face, he knew he had no other choice than to go through with his stupid plan. And anyway it wasn't like they were getting married for real, right? It was more like a friendly promise between friends and maybe a little kiss at the end. Yeah a kiss sounded great, but only if the highblood was okay with that.

“Yeah, I mean sure... let’s marry?”  
The way Gamzee smiled at him, almost convinced him that this wasn’t a completely terrible idea. But of course it was still a terrible idea and he should be ashamed of himself.

“Equius” His heart skipped a beat when he heard them say his name like that and god even his low-blood name sounded magnificent when they said it. He wanted to hear them say it again and again and again. He doubted he would ever get enough of it.

Yes maybe they were to young to marry, but this purple-blood was definitely his type. Sweet and kind with this air of innocence around them, yet so very powerful with all their special abilities. Someone that seemed so vulnerable, yet could probably kick your ass into next week when it they set their mind to it and somehow that just added to their charm.

He felt their strength in their grip, as they took his hand.  
And if it wouldn’t be completely inappropriate he would sink to his knees and pledge his alliance to them and only them. He would swear on his ancestors grave that he would only ever follow their orders and never put another purple-blood above them.

“Let me serve you.”He whispered and when Gamzee looked more surprised than unsettled, he elaborated.  
“I want to serve you with my whole body and soul. I want to be the person you can rely on no matter what. Let me be your servant, your guardian, your friend and everything else you need me to be. Please let me stay by your side and let me make you happy. Let me serve you forever.”

“Is this the promise part you mentioned before? If so, then yes I accept and promise to serve you too.”  
His heart did a double-take as he heard those words. Did a highblood really just promise to serve him? That was unacceptable. A highblood wasn’t supposed to promise anything of that kind to a low-blood like him. It was against anything their society stood for, yet... why did it fill him with such warm feelings?

He didn't get much more time to explore his conflicting feeling, before the highblood demanded his attention again, by placing a purple seashell into his hand.  
“My lusus gave me this for my 3 wiggling day.” The highblood told him and his expression turned sad again. “My lusus isn't around much. He’s a Seagoat and naturally lives in them depths of the ocean, so he can only visit me once in a while. This seashell is very important to me, so I want you to have it.”  
All the color drained from his face, as he heard the highbloods story.  
“No! I will certainly not take this from you. I said something precious not something irreplaceable.”  
He proclaimed and tried to give the seashell back, but Gamzee was having none of it.  
“I would only all but loose it anyway. I'm ain't good at holding on to things, but you appear responsible, so you keep it save, couldn't you?”

“Yes of course I would keep it save, but...” Before he could say anything else, he was interrupted.  
“Then there is no more need talk about it.” Gamzee insisted and seal his fate with the their next words. “Please, Equius. Do this for me.”  
And well, what other choice did he have then to obey his highbloods request. He was a mere blue-blood, not allowed to question the orders of his superiors and somehow he didn't even wish to question them, for it felt nice to receive such an important task.

“If you insist, then I will hold on to it for now. But know that you just have to say the word and I will return it to you, okay?”  
Once the highblood gave him a approving nod, he wrapped the seashell into many layers of fabric and put in his bag.

After taking a moment to calm himself down, he held his own gift out to the highblood.  
“I received this necklace from my ancestor and it is very special to me, but if you say it is to soon for you to wear my symbol I...”  
He didn't even get further before Gamzee shoved the necklace back into his hand and well that stung.

“Help me put it on.” Gamzee ordered and oh, that was a indeed an acceptable reason.  
Nervously he moved closer to the highbloods and put the necklace around them and oh god who would have thought that his purple-blood could manage to look even more magnificent.

“How do I look?” Gamzee asked and he found himself speechless again.  
“Great... just.. real great.” He finally managed to get out and the highbloods smile turned larger.  
“And now for the last part of the ritual.” Gamzee whispered and then pressed a kiss against his lips.


	12. Chapter 12

Gamzee's POV:

“It’s getting late. We should leave. My hive is close by. That is if you would like to stay. Otherwise I could accompany you to your own hive, if that is acceptable?” A faint blush was on his friends face, as he held out a hand to him.

“I would love to see your place.” He replied and took the offered hand. As they began to walk he noticed Equius blush growing deeper and couldn't help but think that blue really suited his friend. How far apart was that color from his own again? He couldn’t quite remember. It had been a long time since his lusus told him about the cast system. Why couldn’t they all just have the same color? That would make things so much more easy.

“Is them temperature of mine too cold for you?” He asked nervously and tried to pull away but Equius held on to him.  
“This forest holds more dangers than one can notice on first glance. I would feel better if you were to hold on to me... If that is okay with you. As for your question. Your temperature is fine and even if it wasn't, your safety is more important to me.”

Gamzee felt his hands starting to shake.  
“Thank you.” He whispered and couldn't help but smile when Equius held on to him a little tighter. This was the first time anyone -other than his lusus- had voice such a concern. It was the first time another troll had ever cared enough for him to say something like this. And it made him really happy, it really did, so why was he feeling so sad too. It didn't make sense.

“You know, I also know a thing or two about loneliness. If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen.” Equius told him, but he roughly shook his head: “No, there ain't much to talk about. My lusus just isn't there most of the time and all them Sea-Trolls that come to my beach see me as vermin at best or attempt to kill me at worst. I tried to become friends with them. I really tried my best, but they all hated me. Once Sun even had to claw out someones eye or else he might would have killed me for real.” In a small voice he added. “Am I really such a horrible person that no one wants to be my friend?”

Equius expression darkened as he said this and it worried him, for he couldn't read the others mind at all. Normally he caught the thoughts of the people around him without even trying, but with Equius it was like there was a black abyss where his mind should be. It was kinda scary.

“Sea-dweller.” Equius muttered his voice took on a strange tone. “Don't worry I will make them pay for their insolence.” Cold blue eyes mustered him. “I shall carry out your order in due time.”  
“I didn't actually...” He began, but wasn't able to finish his sentence before he was pulled into a hug.  
“And please don't ever think such negative things about yourself again. You are a wonderful person and they were all wrong.” Warm arms held on to him and he had a feeling that Equius said these words as much to himself as he told them to him.

After a moment of hesitation he returned the hug and replied. “you too. you are them nicest person i ever met. Please don't ever forget that” Once more the arms around him tightened and he let his head sink to the others shoulder.

“Are you also a witch.” The question was out of his mouth, before his mind could stop him from asking. Then Equius took a step back and he truly regretted his decision. He should have keept quite. “So you already noticed. Most of the time it takes others longer to figure out that there is something wrong with me.”

Slowly Equius turned his back to him and all he wanted to do was pulling the blue-blood in for another hug, but then found himself not daring to do so.  
“I'm not a magician in the common sense. I can’t learn any spell or preform a ritual. My magic is limited to one ability that is passed down in my house and I don't know if I should call it a curse instead. It helps me stay undetected and to some extend even invisible...”

“You can become invisible?” He asked and the blue-blood nodded his head.  
“To an extent. But it's actually more like people starting to overlooking me.” For a moment Equius was still there, then he was gone without a trace. After several moments he reappeared and Gamzee found himself amazed by the others abilities, but before he could voice his amazement, Equius continued. “This ability is truly great if you want to stay hidden, but it comes with a price.”

“What's the price?”

“Someday the void will erase all there is to me. I am the Heir of Void which means that I was always bound to return to the Void. Technical I turned 9 this year, but time moves different inside the Void, so I can't really tell how old I truly am. The void showed me so many things I shouldn't know and it makes me feel old.” Equius gave him a smile that didn't reach his eyes. “Sorry, I shouldn't have troubled you with such a depressing thing.”

A hand was held out to him again and because he didn't know what to reply he took it without question and let Equius guide the way. When he couldn't stand the silence anymore, he said: “I think that ability qualifies you to become a witch. Now we only have to find you a Familiar so that you can become the real deal.”

“Wouldn’t I be a magician instead?” Equius asked and he shook his head roughly.  
“Why would you all but want to be a magician, when you can be a witch instead? As a witch you can wear such nice costumes. Them thing I wear today is more of the traditional side, but there are so many cool costumes to be had. And most importantly you get to have a Familiar. Magicians don’t all but run around with Familiars, which means I would never want to be a Magician. I would never give up on Sun and Moon like that and neither should you give up on your Familiar like that. We will find you a kindred spirit and then you will understand why it’s so much better to be a witch than a magician.”

“I think magicians can also have Familiars...” He gave the blue-blood a hard look. “..but I understand. A witch I will be then.”  
Happily he bounced up and down and replied: “That makes me so happy. Are there any kind of animals you like best? It’s said that if you envision it enough there is a high possibility that your Familiar will be the animal that you want. So which one would you like? A wolf? A raven? A squirrel? A Horse?”

Equius eyes flickered to the ground, at the mention of horses. “I like horses best. They are so elegant and strong. I always wanted to have one.”  
“Then I will help you get your horse.” He replied with a smile and remembered the time he had also wanted to have a horse as his Familiar, but then Sun and Moon came into his life and now he would trade them for anything in the world. They were the best. He didn’t know what he would do without them.

A vision of a large baroque building was projected in his mind, when Moon came back from his flight. “Is that large building on the edge of a cliff yours?” He asked and Equius looked at him in surprise.  
“Yes it is, but how do know. It shouldn't be visible till another minute.”

Affectionately he brushed over Moon’s feathers.“Moon showed it to me. He always gives me them memories of his whenever he returns from flying around. Sometimes he even lets me come with him to the sky.”

“So that's why the crows eyes have been purple the first time I saw him. That's truly impressive. I didn't thought you would be able to use your chucklevoodoo like this already.”  
“What do you mean with Chucklevoodoo?”  
“It's the name of your blood casts special ability. It allows you to hear the thoughts of other people and to some extend even control them. Normally it manifests far later in life, therefore I was rather surprised to learn that you already use that ability.”

Chucklevoodoo?!  
He had never heard that word before and it sounded somewhat sinister, therefore he didn't like it.  
He was about to voice his thoughts, when the forest thinned out and gave few to a beautiful building. “Wow that house looks amazing. You must be really high on the hemospectrum to be having such a beautiful home. Mine is rather small, but I do love my little home on the beach. It’s warm and for the most part it has enough room to move around in.”

“Your hive is smaller then mine.” Equius asked horrified, but he couldn’t understand why that would bother the blue blood.  
“My lusus build it for me. He said that them hives are normally build by Imperial Drones, but that wasn’t a possibility for me do to them special abilities I have. Said that these drones don’t like witches and magicians and that I should stay away from them or else they might kill me.”

“That is..” Equius started and began walking up the road, lost in thoughts.  
The way to the blue-bloods hive was rather steep and while Equius didn’t seemed troubled about this at all, he found himself having quite the difficulties. Stones rolled down beside him and were lost to the darkness below. He didn't like this at all. Why did the blue-blood think it would be a good idea to build his hive here?

“I was aware of the way the Empire deals with magicians, but never would I have imagined that these rules also apply to a highblood. How can it be that they dare to target a ruling class, is the Condesce really that afraid of us?”

Gamzee found it hard to keep up with Equius thoughts, the winding road beneath him only made things a little more difficult. Did his friend just imply that he was a highblood? No that couldn’t be, for all these Sea-dweller had always called him a lowly purple-blood so he must be a Low-blood, right? Maybe his friend was getting them colors mixed up just like he did sometimes. God this Hemospectrum was so confusing.

He was just about to reply something, when the earth beneath him gave away and he slipped from the road. The black abyss widened below him, stretching it's black fingers out to him. But before he could fall into the darkness, he was pulled back by Equius. His heart was pounding like crazy, as he listened to the stones rolling down the hill and disappearing into the darkness.

 

“I'm truly sorry I forgot how difficult this road can be for those that aren’t used to it.” Equius said and gave a tired sigh. “Once this hill was overgrown with flowers and everything was so very pretty, but then my neighbor thought she knew the perfect way how to ‘improve’ things… She was the one that always made fun of me when I was younger and made me doubt the worth of my own existence. It was only when I met my wonderful moirail that her influence on me loosened and I understood that she never had been right to begin with... I hate her so much.” There was something dark in the blue-bloods eyes, as Equius continued in a flat tone. “I took out her eye and it was so much fun. I made her stupid crystal-ball explode right in her face and the best thing about it is, that she believes that her Teal-blooded friend Terezi was solely responsible for it. Well it has been Terezi that asked for my help and after she told me what my 'wonderful' neighbor had done yet again, I just had the perfect idea how to make her pay. Truthfully I wouldn't have minded if my explosive had killed her for real.”

Indigo blood. 4th highest class of the hemospectrum. Not murderous by nature, but if pushed or trained able to commit the most atrocious acts of manslaughter. More stealthy then highbloods but just as brutal as them. A shudder went down Gamzee’s back as he remember his lusus tale of a certain blue-blood that poisoned an entire city just to kill a single traitor.

Blue eyes muster him with a strange expression. “Maybe that wasn’t something I should have told you. It makes you afraid of me, doesn't it?... I guess it's better if you forget. Yes let's just forget what I told you about my neighbor”

For a moment Gamzee's head was spinning and he couldn't understand what was happening, but then he came back to himself and found himself standing in front of a large double door. When had they crossed the hill to led to Equius hive. He couldn't quite remember.  
“What were we all but talking about?” He asked and massaged his temple, his head was hurting like crazy.

“You told me about your hive and I voice my disdain that the Imperial Drones would dare to go after a purple-blood.”  
That was strange. He was almost certain that they had been talked about something different after that, but he just couldn’t remember what. Then again was it really importantly enough to question his new friend about it? Would it make him appear weird?

In the end he decided not to ask and when Equius opened the door and gave few to the impressive interior, Gamzee’s found it all to easy to leave the strange situation behind.

The ceiling was so high that it almost seemed endless and the night sky that was painted on it only added to the illusion. Mosaic depictures of the creation of their world was portrayed on the walls and statues of mystical beings were looking down on them. This entrance hall looked more like a temple than someones entrance hall. It looked so cool.

A creature between a horse and a man stepped out from the shadows and held out a ...rose to him. Confused he looked at Equius and then back at the creature.  
“That is my lusus, his name is Author. Most likely he saw us arrive a few minutes ago and now tries to be a gentle man. If the gesture makes you uncomfortable then please just hand the rose over to me. Also please don't worry about it, he won't take any offense if you refuse his gift. ”

For a moment Gamzee thought about it, but then decided it would be to rude not to take such a gift and therefore carefully took the rose in hand. It had a deep red color and smelled really nice.  
“Thank you.” He said with a smile and the lusus bowed to him before disappearing to another room, leaving him only mildly confused about this whole exchange. Before he could think to hard about it, Equius took his attention away.

“There is a question l have to ask you.” The blue blood said and lead him to a room that was essentially a library. Rows and rows of bookshelves were stacked in the room, reaching up to the ceiling and Gamzee really wanted to inspect all these books, but unfortunately Equius lead him to a sitting area with a warm fireplace. And well that wasn't so bad either.

A cup of tea was placed beside him and Equius smiled as he tried it. The tea was delicious, but there was something else on his mind and so he asked. “What did you all but wanted to ask me?”  
With a tired sigh, Equius set down beside him. “I hate to bring this up, but I know that you were looking for something in the forest, weren't you?! Would you please tell me what it was?”

“I have been searching for a special place. It’s a sanctuary for witches and magician, protected by some kind invisibility spell. My ancestor wrote about it in one of his journals, saying that he and his morail created this place when the persecution of witches and magicians became especially bad. I don’t know how much is left of that place, but I need to find it. Maybe there are more books of my Ancestor there and maybe even some witches or magicians.”  
Gently he lifted Sun out of the bag and set him down on his legs. After petting the cat for a while it stop giving him the death-glare and he was able to pull a map out from his bag. “I found this map in one of my ancestors journals, but up to this point it doesn't tell me anything for I don't know the environment.”  
Before he could even unfold the map, Equius had already taken it from. For a moment the blue-blood studied the map and then threw in the fire! Without a second thought Gamzee sprang up and tried to save the paper, but Equius held him back.

“You don't need this anymore. I know the place you are talking about. Indeed my Ancestor has been the one that created the ‘spell’ of invisibility. Having a map that leads directly to the place is too dangerous… I'm sorry.”

Black smoke rose from the burnt paper and it saddened him to see the map go up in flame, but if Equius was speaking the truth, then. “You can lead me there?!”  
“I can indeed, but first I need to know you a little better. There aren't many witches and magician left, so we have to be careful who we let in. I'm sorry but those are the rules, but don't worry. I have no doubts that you will succeed in all the trials we have for you. ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys and girls so I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> If so please consider writing me a comment or leave a kudo. That would be really nice of you.  
> It always makes me really really happy when someone let's me know that they still like this story.  
> And if it becomes to strange please also let me know.


	13. Chapter 13

The star-constellations were all wrong.  
This sky didn't belong to Alternia, so why was it so familiar to him.  
“Unable to find sleep again?” He asked and looked at Gamzee who stood there on the threshold to the balcony, acting like this hadn't become a common occurrence by now.  
Since more than two weeks the highblood had been staying with him, but apparently it wasn't easy for the highblood to find sleep in this new location and once he found about that he had chosen to spend them company.

On silent steps Gamzee moved closer, his feet bare of shoes or even socks and he didn't approve of this at all, but it wasn't his right to tell a highblood what to do. "Aren't you cold?" He asked, more out of routine than anything else at this point.

“I like feeling them ground beneath me. It makes me feel more connected with the world.” Gamzee explained and set down beside him. In truth he was worried that Gamzee would get sick running around barefooted, but address such a topic would mean over-steeping his boundaries, wouldn't it?

His eyes drifted back to the stars that weren't his own. “Do you believe that the things that happen in our lives are planned by some unknown entity and we have no influence over them?”  
For a long moment Gamzee was silent, then he answered: “In my religion we believes that there are two angles of death that guide us on our path and make sure that our lives turn out like they plan it to go, but I ain't don't want to believe that. I rather want to think that I’m in control of my life and that even if them someone says that I will turn out one way, I still get to choose for myself. Change them path others push me on."

“And what if I told you there will be a time in which our signs are portrait in the sky of a different planet? In a universe that doesn't exist yet.” The moon of this world was so very pale. It's light soft yellow glow barely able to illuminate anything and he wondered how the people of this world were able to see in this darkness. “And nothing we ever do will change that?”

“I still would like to think that my choices are my own." Gamzee replied and pulling his legs to his chest. "Even if I'm all kinds of wrong with that. Even if I'm getting prove all kinds of wrong. I will keep on being stubborn and try my best to keep them from making me into the monster they want me to be.”

Before he could ask what Gamzee meant with this, they changed the topic: "But what's my sign doing up there in the sky of a different planet anyway?"  
Noticing the force cheerfulness in the highbloods tone, he found himself unable to ask the question that filled his mind and answered instead: "It will be the star-constellations of the planet we help to create and will serve as reminder of what we did. In due time the people of this foreign world will start to believe that being born under a certain star-sign means to receiving the blessing of said sign and be able to have their powers."

"But you don't sound all that happy about it," Gamzee observed. "Aren't you happy with them description they gave your sign?"  
Slowly he shook his head. "It's the opposite actually. They say that my symbol is the sign of the adventurer, the explorer, the truth-seeker. A fighter for freedom. A person of high intellect and philosophical depths. A natural teacher and loyal friend whoever..." Was he really willing reveal this truth about himself? Searching purple eyes look at him and he felt his resolve melt under them. “...I don't see those attributes in me and I fear that I will live up to these expectations.”

When cold fingers entwined with his, he looked at Gamzee. “You all but taught me so many interesting things since I came here. You found them place I am looking for, long before me. You promised to be my friend forever and I know you meant that. Doesn't that kinda sums up all them things you just going on about."

“In a way, but...” He started, but was cut short with a kiss.  
“You should have more faith in yourself. But don’t worry I will remind you of who you are, until you see it yourself. Just please know that you have so more value than you give yourself credit for.” The sincerity with which Gamzee said these words made it hard to argue, but what surprised him even more was how Gamzee appeared somehow different when he spoke those words, almost like he was an older version of himself.

“And what do they say about me?”  
It took him a moment to understand what the highblood was asking, but then he said.  
“The people that are born under your sign are supposed to be: Hard-working and sincere. Blessed with a deep wisdom from an early age, dignified, dutiful, cautious and ambitious.”

“Hard-working? Dignified? Cautious? That sounds boring. Can we all but switch our sign-description yours sounds more fun.” The Gamzee that spoke to him now was fully back to his normal self, but he couldn't forget what he saw.  
“Gamzee...” Curious purple eyes looked at him and he continued. “What did you mean when you said that you won't let them turn you into a monster?”

For the longest time Gamzee didn't answer and he feared he insulted the purple-blood in a way he couldn’t make up for. He was about to apologize, when Gamzee started to speak again: “There was a strange puppet mixed up with all my ancestors belongings. When I looked into his eyes, he showed me them things I will do. Them monstrous thing I will become... I don't wanna turn out like the person I saw. I don’t want to kill my friends. I don’t want to be a monster.”  
Equius wanted to reassure the highblood and tell him that everything would be fine. But truthfully he didn't know enough about this situation and he was terrible liar, so he kept quite.

“There is a favor I have to ask you.” Gamzee's said, looking at him with pleading purple eyes. “If I ever turn out to be the thing I saw. Could you… please kill me!”

His heart stopped beating, as his mind proceeded what Gamzee just demanded of him. How was he supposed to do such a thing? Killing a highblood? Worse yet killing his highblood? That was impossible, who could Gamzee ask something like this of him?

When the highbloods eyes drifted to the ground, he knew that they took his silence as refusal and that didn’t do as well. He couldn't disobey the first order the highblood ever gave him.

“I won't let you turn into a monster. I swear I will do everything to keep you from becoming the thing you saw. But if I should truly fail and there is no other way…” He felt sick just imagining it. “I will put you out of your misery.”

The smile Gamzee gave him, was the most beautiful thing he ever saw, but it only made him feel sicker, for he knew he was bound to break this promise. There was no way he would ever be able to do such a horrible thing and for a moment he found himself hating the highblood for taking such a promise from him. It just wasn't fair. This wasn't anything he wanted.

“They will come tomorrow.” He said and Gamzee looked at him in confusion. “The witches and magicians that will test if you are suited to see the place of your Ancestors.” He explained, desperate to get away from what they were speaking about and luckily Gamzee jumped right at the chance to learn more about the things he needed to do.

“What will they test?” Gamzee asked curiously and he wondered how he had been able to hate the highblood even for just a second.  
“It's nothing to difficult. First of all they will see if you have anything against Low-bloods, for most magic users are found in the lower blood-casts. I can’t imagine you will have any problem passing this test. Next they will see if you are truly able to use magic and what form of magic you are naturally inclined to. Here I would advise you to show them your healing abilities and maybe refrain from showing off your mind-control powers, for that isn't what they are looking for. Other than that I don’t know. My test has been a bit different, most of all because I found the place without any help and well that it didn't leave a good first impression when I casually walked into a town that was supposed to be hidden from everyone.”

“What’s the place like?” Gamzee asked and he found himself smiling.  
“It’s a nice little town surrounded by nature. You will find many rabbits and other wild-life there, for some magician and witches are very good with animals. I like the feeding-place of the horses best. They are just so majestic and I really love watching them.”

“Then how come that you live here when you like it there so much?”  
It made sense that Gamzee would ask him this question, but it still gave him a headache for he had been over this with his teacher so many times. “Because my teacher, who is also the guardian of the place decided that it would be better if I grew up knowing both 'worlds'. I guess it doesn't matter to him that I already made my decision or more likely he thinks that I am still too young to make such a decision and therefore decide it for me, thinking he does me a favor with it. But he isn't. I already know that I want to be the next guardian and that will never change. It makes sense for me to take over the responsibility of keeping the place hidden. I'm able to command the Void just like him, so why can't he see that this is the perfect solution. He is getting old and there is no one else to take over beside me. So why can’t he understand that.” Roughly he brushed through his hair. “Sorry I get rather emotional when this question comes up. Anyway, what I really wanted you to know is that the town is a really amazing place with many wonderful people and I truly believe that you will fit right in.”

“You really thinks so? That makes me really happy.” Gamzee said and his smile was sincere, but his eyes betrayed how sleepy they were. No wonder they had been up for a rather long time, so it was indeed good that the purple-blood finally started to become sleepy.

“Indeed you will, so don't worry to much about the upcoming test. But how would it sound if I were to accompany you to your room now. And you finally tried to find sleep?” He asked and when Gamzee slowly nodded their head he began to lead them back to their room that wasn't far away.

In less then a minute they reached the door, but when he tried to leave it was Gamzee that held him back. “Is there something else I can do for you?” He asked and Gamzee looked nervously right past him, before they said: “… Would you mind staying a little while longer? I sleep better when there is someone with me. Or please just stay till I'm asleep, okay?”  
He gave a deep sigh for they had been over this many times before. “I’m sorry Gamzee, but you know that I can't do that. It's just too inappropriate.”

Sad purple eyes looked at him and he felt his resolve melt under their power.  
“Fine, but only until you're asleep.” He said and the cheerful expression Gamzee gave him, as they practically dragged him into the room did nothing to calm his nerves.

Awkwardly he stood their right next to the door, while Gamzee walked to the closet and took out their pajamas. For a moment he closed his eyes and tried to tell himself that this wasn't a completely foolish thing he just agreed to, but then he opened his eyes again and found a half undressed highblood in front of him.

“What are you doing?” He asked, trying his best to sound calm, but his voice had taken on a shrill tone.  
“I'm changing into my night-clothes” Gamzee said like it was the most normal thing in the world and like there wasn’t a bathroom only a few feet away.

Just how clueless could this purple-blood be? Didn't he understand the kind of implication they were giving him, by practically undressed in front him? It made him want to berate the highblood so very badly, but it wasn’t his place to do so.  
In horrified silence he watched as the purple-blood continue to undress in front of him, until they were almost completely naked. But instead of checking them out like he had feared he would do, his eyes focused on one aspect of the highblood's body that filled him with concern more than anything else.

Gamzee’s ribs were painfully visible against his skinny frame and he felt horrible that it took him so long to realize that the highblood was completely malnourished. How could he have missed such a critical detail? True, he had realize how little the purple-blood was eating, but never spoke of it for he knew it wasn’t his place to do so. God he should have said something.

In his mind he made a note to talk with Author and tell him about Gamzee’s need for more weight gaining food. But that alone wouldn’t do if Gamzee continued to eat as little as he did throughout the entire time he had been here.

“Gamzee, could you please tell me where purplebloods are on the hemospectrum?” He said and Gamzee looked thoughtfully for a moment. “I think they are rather low on the spectrum, right?”  
A few drops of sweat were running down his neck as he continued with his next question. “And where do you think blue-blood like me are?”  
Once more Gamzee thought about it for a few moments until he answered. “Rather high? 3 or 4th highest cast, right?”

Roughly he bite his bottom lip, for he still hadn’t clarified this misconception to Gamzee and worse yet he was about to exploit it. “So you know that Low-bloods like you should listen when a highblood like me gives them an order, right?” Oh god this was so wrong, but this was for the highbloods own good, wasn't it? He felt dizzy and his heart was betting so very loudly, but somehow the feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant.

“I should?” Gamzee inquired, while he put on his pajamas. “Hmm… okay. What is it that you all but want me to do?” And just like this his heart was beating so loudly that he could barely hear his own thoughts anymore. How could Gamzee agree to this so lightly? Didn’t they understand the kind of power they were giving him? And how came that he was liking this so much

He had known since a while now that he like following orders. But never had he dared to imagine what it would be like to give a highblood an order and have them follow it so obediently. It was such a powerful feeling.

_Okay get a grip of yourself Equius. This is not the time to explore this new weird obsession. This is about getting the highblood to eat enough so that he doesn't starve to death. So focus!_

“So if I were to order you to eat more would you do that?” He asked, his fingers twitching from nervousness.  
“I don’t really like eating that much, but if you really want me to eat more than I guess I will do my best to follow that order, for I want you to be proud of me.” And just like this all his blood rushed to lower regions and he cursed himself for having such a nasty reaction to something so innocent and sweet. Here the highblood was willing to follow his orders without question and there he was making all of this sexual like the pervert he was. Just what was wrong with him?

Awkwardly he turned around and mentally told his bulge to disappear where it had come from. This was exactly why he should have never entering the highbloods room in the first place. Just how stupid was he?

“Equius? What’s wrong?” Hearing the highblood speak his name like that and voicing such concern for him, only made his problem ten times worse. “I’m fine.” He said in a pressed voice and then added. “And no you don't need to heal me. Please just give me a moment.”

It was only once he was certain that he had his filthy mind back under control and his bulge had returned to where it belonged, that he dared to turn back around.  
“Better,” Gamzee asked with an worried expression and he felt so bad about this.  
“Yes I alright, but I should really leave no.” He said and tried to run away, but once more Gamzee held him back.

“But you promised you would stay until I found sleep.”  
Fiddlesticks he had promised that now hadn't he?  
“I really think that it would be better if I...” He couldn't even finish his sentence, before Gamzee had pushed him to the bed and efficiently trapped him there with their body.  
“A promise is a promise and I won't allow you to break it.” Gamzee told him and he knew there was no changing the highbloods mind.

Seems like he had lost this round.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the story :D  
> I'm always happy to get comments or kudos :3  
> If you want to see more Equius x Gamzee pictures you can check out my Deviant-Art page https://www.deviantart.com/darksouls7


	14. Chapter 14

A fluffy white tail brushing past his nose and tickled him awake. Sleepily he rolled to the sided and tried to fall asleep again, but the purring right next to his ear made it hard to do so. Warm paws touched his face and he knew Sun wanted to be pet.  
Tiredly he opened his eyes and looked at the white feline next to him. Large green eyes looked at him and a soft meow greeted him. “I also wish you a good morning” he mumbled and looked around, while gently brushed over the cat's soft fur.  
Equius was sleeping next to him, but he looked so peaceful in his slumber that he didn't dare to wake him. “How about we look around for a bit and wait till Equius wakes up all by himself?” He asked Sun and picked the white cat up. As quietly as he could he left the room and closed the door behind himself.  
“And what are we gonna do now?” He ask once they were outside and as if on cue Sun freed themselves from his grip and sprint down the hallway. “Hey wait up for me?” He called after his Familiar and did his best catch up, but the cat was really fast and agile. Hallway after hallway passed them by and he knew he would have a hard time to find his way back, but right now he didn't care about that. There was an adventure ahead. 

When Sun suddenly stooped before a large set of double doors, he knew he had seen these doors before, but couldn't quite remember when. Then he realize it. This were the doors that lead to the huge library Equius possessed. He had searched for this place for quite some time now and while he knew that Equius would have certainly be pleased to show him the way, there was something about finding things on his own that he just loved. 

When Sun pushed their paws against the door he knew they wanted to go inside, but then found himself doubtful of his cats motives. Sun had a habit of pushing stuff of tables and shelves and so this was the perfect place for them to cause havoc.  
“I don’t think this is a good idea.” He said and tried to pick Sun up, but the cat was having none of it. Skilfully they douched all his attempts of picking them up and dutifully returning to the door, glaring at him with sharp green eyes. 

With a deep sigh he set down beside the cat and said in a stern voice. “Fine I will let you go inside, but only if you promise that you don't all but destroy things, okay ?!No pushing things of high shelves and watch it break on the ground. No clawing at furniture or any such things understood?!”  
When Sun gave a soft meow he took that as their agreement and while he still knew this was a terrible idea, he was very curious as to what Sun actually wanted to show them. 

It took him some afford to open the heavy door, but once it was open and gave view to the huge amount of books that were stored inside, he was glad that he hadn't given up. Rows and rows of books reached up to the ceiling and he could only imagine the stories and information’s they must hold. It made his body tingle with the want to explore, but then he heard something break and notice that Sun was no longer beside him. 

“Sun, you promised.” He called after the white feline and only a seconds later he heard another thing break on the marble floor. “SUN!!!” He scream in disappointment and horror as he saw his cat sitting there high up on a bookshelf and pushing an expensive looking box off.

Though he did his best to catch the wooden box before it hit the ground, he just wasn't quick enough. With a loud clang it landed on the marble floor and a bunch of old looking papers were scattered over the floor.

“Sun come down here this instant.” He said sternly and to his surprise the cat actually followed his command. That was about the first time the cat ever listened to him.  
“Just look at what you did.” He said and sank down to the ground to inspected the damage. Luckily the box seemed to be fine, but still. “You promised you wouldn't destroy anything Sun.” 

For a moment Sun looked at him with innocent green eyes, then he lay down on the papers and started to roll all over them, getting cat hair everywhere.  
“Sun.” He called appalled and tried to save the paper from his mischievous cat. In total it took him more then 5 minutes to get all the papers back.  
“Finally,” he mumbled to himself and carefully brushed the cat hairs from the papers. He was about to put the letters back in the box when he notice a familiar name on one of them.

Kurloz Makara 

Makara? They had the same last name as him. Had this letter been written by his Ancestor?  
If so he had a right to read it, didn't he? Nervously he looked around, before beginning to read the letter for real. 

+++++++++++++++++++++

Horrus,  
This prison they put me in, it was build from magic resisting stone. I can't use my abilities in here and even if I could I wouldn't know where to go. There is only snow and ice as far as I can see. I would freeze to death before I get anywhere safe. 

Where are you now? Did our plan work? Did you get out alive? You did right?! Please tell me you did. I’m sorry that I ever put you into such danger. I should have known better than getting you involved in my traitorous plans. I wanted too much too soon and was too stubborn to listen to your warnings. I'm truly sorry. 

If this letter ever reaches you any you still feel the same for me, please finish the symbol. <>  
Kurloz Makara

+++++++ 

My Highblood,

Four years ago the Grand-Highblood exiled you - the only heir of the throne – due to treasons and four years ago I betrayed you to the Grand-Highblood by telling them of your 'plans'. Truthfully it has you that demanded of me to betray you, but it wasn't right and even while your sacrifice enabled me to save the witches and mages that have been capture by the Grand-Highbloods, I wish we would have found a different solution.

My betrayal got me a position as a Royal Guard and while this has always been something I wanted, it feels empty without you on the throne.

If there is something I love about my new position though, it must be the power it gives me over the current Grand-Highblood. Especially how easy it makes it to slip this delusional drug into his meal that make him listen to my plans. I only hope this drug is really as undetectable as I was made to believe.  
Their are many doctors visit the Grand-Highblood by now and I know that my time is running out.  
But don't worry if this plan should fail than I will definitely find another way to bring you back.

Until then, please don't lose hope <>  
Darkleer

+++++

Horrus,

They cut out my tongue and stitched my mouth shut before they left me here in this isolation confinement, saying this is my punishment for speaking so many lies. But I never lied now did I or is my wish for freedom truly so wrong? Do they truly have a right to kill us just because we were born with abilities we never even wished for? How can that be just?  
My position as a highblood kept me from getting tortured and burnt alive but I had to see so many of my kind suffer. They are my brothers and sisters just as much as purple-bloods are, so isn't it my duty to protect them too? Isn't it my right to do so?

++++++

My Highblood,

I convinced the Grand-Highblood to bring you back from your exile and make you his heir again. But you have changed my friend. No longer are you telling me everything that comes to your mind and I fear I can't follow your thoughts at all.  
I can't imagine what it must have been like to spend 4 years in complete isolation, but I am trying too, so please could you help me understand. Aren't I your moirail still? 

Darkleer 

 

+++++  
January 01 xxx4,

The old Grand-Highblood is dead and Kurloz coronation is in a few days.  
I know that he isn’t ready to be the king of all these people, but I fear that they will send him back into this icy prison if he doesn't accept his role as the new Grand-Highblood and I can't let this happen. I'm sorry my friend, but I need you to do this.  
Please don’t hate me for it.

++++  
January 06 xxx4, 

I found out that one of the purple houses plans to assassinate Kurloz.  
I will make their deaths a statement so that no other house ever attempts something like this again.  
No matter if gold or green or purple or red, if you dare to harm my king I will come to kill you before you can. And if I have to drench this whole world in blood to keep him save then I will do so. 

+++  
February 26 xxx4: 

The first month of my kings reign has passed without too much trouble and that makes me really happy. Unfortunately the other houses still don’t have much respect for him, but I'm certain that I can change their minds soon enough. 

++++++++++++

June 09 xxx4:  
There are rumours of a mutant blood that speaks about equality and freedom for everyone.  
It reminds me so much of the things my highblood used to say, before they broke his spirit.  
Maybe I should get him to one of the mutant-bloods ceremonies.

+++++++++++

October 10 xxx4:  
I was finally able to bring Kurloz to one of the mutant-blood's speeches.  
He kept quite the entire time, even long after the ceremony was over. But just before we returned to the castle, he told me something that gave me reason to hope.  
“I still want to change the way this system works.”

+++++++++

December 11 xxx4:  
We went to another one of the mutant-bloods speeches, but this time it was Kurzlos that found out where the event was going to be and I am so happy for he appeared more alive than in months.  
After the gathering Kurloz went to talk with the mutant-blood and I was approached by a olive blood whose horns reminded me of cat ears. I was rather surprised when she told me that she knew who we where and then even more so when she didn't use this information to threaten me, but instead giving me an opportunity to met the Sufferer in a more secure place.  
I guess I will gather informations to determine the truth of her words, before I tell Kurloz about this. 

 

++++++++++++  
December 15 xxx4: 

Today I heard the Highblood laugh for the first time since he returned from his imprisonment. It made my heart overflow with joy, but also filled it with a deep sadness. For it wasn't me that made him laugh like this, but this mutant-blooded preacher with the name Signless. 

I can see their connection and the deep pale feelings they shared for one another. Maybe that's for the best. And maybe it's time for me to admit that my diamond relationship with the highblood just isn't working any more.  
But that doesn't mean that I will stop doing my best to protect you my king. 

 

++++++  
October 22 xxx5:  
The Highbloods started seeing the Signless as a threat and demand of my king to address the problem. With every passing day they question his leadership more and bring up his 'criminal' past. At this point I don’t know how long it will take, before everything is going to fall apart. 

+++++

October 30 xxx5:

The purple Houses call for 'blood-right'. An old law in the purple-bloods society that allows them to challenge the current Grand Highblood to a fight of live and death for the crown.  
The purple committee has to approve of such a request and while they will only allow it when the current ruler is seen unfit for the position of the Grand-Highblood, I fear I already know their answer.

+++

November 12 xxx5::  
The committee decided to allow the challenge and my king was only barely able to win the fight. I hope none of the other house decides to challenge him in the near future, but as things are right now... It doesn't look good and I can't even kill these challenges before they enter the ring, because that would fall back on my king and they would find a way to hang him for treason. 

+++++++++++

November 24 xxx5::  
3 more fights occurred in the last two weeks and I don’t know how much more my king can take.  
... At this point there is only one thing I can do to end this. 

 

+++++++  
December 14 xxx5:

The Signless followed me without a word. Not once did he attempt to flee.  
When I showed him to the purple-committee none of them seemed surprised, almost as if they suspected that I had been hiding him all along. They were right about that, but they had no prove that linked me to the crime. 

When I looked at my king, I saw the betrayal he felt and knew that our moiraligance had ended for good. 

+++  
January 06 xxx6:

It was on the wiggling-day of my king that they held the Execution for the Signless.  
I was chosen as the Executioner, for it had been me that captured the 'traitor'.

Red blood was dripping from his body and my hands were shaking as I listened to his last words. I would have given everything to not be the one that had to kill him, but sometimes life is just so unfair. 

When the time came, I killed him with a single shot, making his death as painless as I could. I was about to leave the Execution platform, when the olive-blood I found myself enticed too burst through the crowed and feel down in front of where her dead matesprites hung. 

The crowed demanded her death, but when I looked in her olive green eyes I found myself unable to do so. I ran away for I couldn’t kill the person I feel pale for, even after I took exactly that person from my king. 

++++++++++++

April 21 xxx6 :

I continued to watch over the Grand-Highblood from afar, but he isn't the person I knew any more.  
Something had snapped inside him on the day of the Signless Execution.

Now he fights with a ruthlessness that bordered on suicidal and I fear he has no more compassion for anyone. The only thing the seems to want is blood and destruction.  
I think I need to talk with him after all. 

+++++++  
December 26 xxx6:

I tried reasoning with him many times, but he just isn't listening to me any more and I grow tired of the same old fight. I guess the only reason why he hasn't killed me yet is because he thinks we would make good kismesis. What he doesn't understand is that I would rather die that being black with my moirail. 

+++++++++++++

December 31xxx6:

I finally accepted that my beloved king is dead and was replace by someone that looks like him and talks like him and holds all his memories, but isn't him.  
At least for now I will return to the place me and my Highblood created when we were still young and thought we could change everything if we only tried enough.


	15. Chapter 15

It was to the sound of knocking that he awoke.  
Sleepily he moved out of the bed and walked to the door.  
He was about to thank his lusus for waking him up, when he noticed the sly expression on his face and then realized that he had fallen asleep in the Highblood’s room instead of moving back into his own one.

“N… nothing lewd happened here. The Highblood just sleeps better when someone is with them.” He stammered, somehow feeling the need to justify his actions. When he saw the way Author raised one eyebrow, he couldn’t help but continue. “..We are far… too young… for something… like that… so stop looking at me in this manner…”

Snickering could be heard and it almost sounded as if Author said: “Sure says the guy with the porn collection.”  
His face heat up. “I don’t possess any porn collection. If you are referring to my muscle beast collection than I have to inform you that this is fine art and there is nothing wrong with possessing such a thing.”

When it became clear that Author didn’t buy a single word he said he chanced the topic and asked instead: “Have you seen Gamzee. They are not in our room and I am afraid that they might got lost” More snickering could be heard and it was only then that he realized that he had referred to the highblood’s room as their room. How embarrassing.

Still smiling Author pointed at the sign to the library and with a small thanks he departed from his lusus, before he could embarrass himself any further. This certainly hadn’t been how he had wanted his morning to go.

His heart was beating loudly when he reached the library and then a smile found its way to his lips, as he opened the doors and found the highblood sitting there next to the fireplace, a book in hand. They were so beautiful and the scenery worked so well around them. It was difficult to imagine there had ever been a time were his highblood hadn’t been here. They just fit so perfectly to this scenery, to this house, too him.

Carefully he approached the highblood. Making sure to make enough noise as to not scare them.  
“Good morning my highblood.” He said softly and kissed their hand before sitting down next to them. “I hope you slept well?”

“Yeah was good, but…” The highbloods eyebrows drew in confusion and he wondered if he might had done something wrong. “I don’t understand the content of your gift.”  
“Gift? Could you please elaborate?”

Slowly Gamzee nodded his head and explained. “Author gave me this book and said it was a present from you, but I am kind of confused as to what I am looking at here. I can see that there are horses in these pictures, but they look nothing like them horses I ever saw. Them physical appearance of theirs is more troll then horse like and there is this tentacle looking thing coming out of them. I don’t understand its purpose but the book makes a point that it somehow is important. I don't understand it.”

All the color drained from his face as he listened to Gamzee’s explanation.  
Author wouldn’t do this to him, now would he?  
“Could you please let me see the book?” He said, trying his best not to panic.

For a moment Gamzee seemed hesitant about given him the book, but then they handed it over without another word and he was glad that they didn't argue with him.  
Quickly he scanned through the book, only got confirmed what he had already feared. Not only had Author gone into his secret room without his permission, he had also taken one of the most graphic books and gave it to Gamzee of all people. How was he going to get out of this?

“Could you explain it?” Gamzee asked and he roughly bite his lip, trying to find a good explanation for all of this, but ultimately coming up with nothing. Seemed like he had to go with the truth after all. Or at least a part of it.

“I never told Author to bring you this book. It was a prank he played on me, for he knew I would be embarrassed if you found this book. So...yeah... ”  
A confused look passed over Gamzee’s face and they asked: “Why would it all but make you embarrassed if I were to see them pictures. I mean yeah it’s kinda unusual to draw a horse with troll features, but other than that these things look really good, cool even. Them artist put so much detail in their work, making them bodies of them horses look all kinds of real. Must have taken them so much time and effort to draw them. Can almost imagine the horses wandering around in the wilderness. Looking all majestic and strong. Almost makes you wish they were real, isn’t it?”

He bite his lip even harder, trying not to taint the Highbloods innocent view off the pictures with his knowledge. God why did the purple-blood have to be so innocent. It was really cute, but sometimes it was really problematic. It felt like he had been handed something so very pure and now he had to do his best not to taint it.

“I am glad that you like the pictures. Not many understand the wonderfully surreal concept this artist is using to convey her messages. So I am really glad that you do.”  
When Gamzee smiled at him, he smiled back, but inside he felt terrible for telling the Highblood such an obvious lie.

“Do you wanna look at them pictures together with me?” Gamzee suddenly asked and he felt his heart give out. He wouldn't be able to go through that.  
“I would really love to, but breakfast is ready, so I think we should eat first.” Quickly he moved the book out of Gamzee’s reach and took their hand. “Maybe afterward we will find time to look at these pictures, okay?” He would definitely make sure that they wouldn't have any time.

Thankfully Gamzee didn't protest as he guided them out of the library and toward the dinning hall.  
“Do you know what I liked best about them horses?” Gamzee said and he really didn’t wanted to know. “They had all such nice muscles. Could probably carry you around all day. Or lift you up into the air make you feel like you can touch the sky.”

Equius fingers twitched from the wanted to join in on the conversation and tell the highblood in detail what made every picture so great, but he held back.  
He would end up saying too much and make all of this far too scandalous.

“I still wonder what them strange blue tentacle thing was. It looked so strong but also really soft. Makes you wonder if it would be hard or soft to the touch. Warm or cold? Dry or…” He chose to interrupt the Highblood there, for he couldn’t listen to this any longer.

“Would you like me to carry you?” He said and Gamzee lay his head to the side in question. “You stated a want to be carried around. Would you like me to fulfill that request?”  
A flicker of excitement passed over Gamzee’s face, than his expression transformed into one of worry. “Wouldn’t I be too heavy for you?”

He nearly laughed at that statement, the thought of Gamzee being too heavy for him was ridiculous. “I could lift 5 of your kind without a problem.” He said, knowing that his statement must sounded rather boisterous, but it simply was the truth. Up until this point he hadn't found anything he couldn't lift.

When Gamzee was about to state another concern for his wellbeing, he lifted them up without much effort and then couldn’t help but frown when he noticed just how light his Highblood felt in his arms. It was indeed rather worrisome.

“Wow you can really carry me!” Gamzee said excitedly and he shrugged his shoulders. “You are not really heavy. In truth I could even lift this whole house of the ground if I truly wished to do so.” The look of pure amazement on the highbloods face made his heart flutter.

“Have you all but ever tested your strength in a fight?” They asked next and he gave a sigh. “Normally I like using my bow and arrow, for they are weapons more suited for a blue-blood like me. But against Imperial Drones it’s just easier to use my strength. Their armor protects them from many other attacks. So it’s just easier for me to rip out their main frame and be done with them.”

“You can kill them Imperial Drones?” Gamzee asked, their expression being one of awe.  
“Yes I can. And had to do so many times. You see each year I and a few of the other Mages and Witches visit the Brooding Cambers to look for grubs that might have been born with magic abilities. The Imperial Drones are set to kill these grubs on sight, so it’s always a run against time. When things become especially bad I often have to lead the Imperial Drones away from the main rescue team and fight them.”

Silence followed his story and he wondered what Gamzee was thinking.  
“A few days before I met you, I all but encountered the first Drone I ever have seen. It was so huge and terrifying and made so much noise. When its eyes fell on me I could only run. I was so scared. Could you maybe…”

His arms tightened around the highblood and he answered before they could finish their question: “Yes, I will definitely protect you from them.”

No matter if gold or green or purple or red, if you dare to harm my Highblood I will kill you before you can.   
… Hadn’t his Ancestor once used these words? Strange that he remember them right now.  
For a moment he searched his memory than he understood why.  
The box that held his Ancestors letters had been moved.

“You found my Ancestors letters didn’t you?” He asked softly and Gamzee lowered their head. “I’m sorry. I know that wasn’t right of me.”  
“I’m not angry. I intended to show you these letters anyway.” He didn’t know if this was true. Gamzee had a right to know about his Ancestors past, but he was afraid of the information’s these letters held. Not only did they described what his Ancestor had done, but also what he would do if he had been in their situation. He would have done exactly the same things as his Ancestor.

When they reached the dining hall he gently placed Gamzee down in their seat, before taking his own place. Absentminded he prepared his usual meal –toast with butter and milk -and another serving for the highblood with extra butter.

What did Gamzee think of his Ancestors actions?  
Would it be improper to ask?

“What did you take from the letters? How did they make you feel?” He finally ask not able to keep the questions to himself.  
“Sad most of all.” Gamzee stated and began playing with his food, instead of eating it. “Both of them tried so very much to change the situation they were in, but only got hurt for their ambitions. It makes me all kinds of sad. Makes you wonder if it’s even worth to try and change anything.”

“What would you have done in your Ancestors place?” He asked and Gamzee stopped toying with his food.  
“Probably the same and that’s what scares me most.” Gamzee admitted and then elaborated. “I would off done all them things exactly like he had done them and I would of reacted the same way as he did... And then I would have become them same exact monster that he became… just like the person I saw in my vision.”

A cold shudder went down his spine. He had been so afraid of what Gamzee might think of his Ancestors actions, that he ignored the greater problem. He should have done a better job at hiding the letters. “Gamzee I…”

“Them toast was really good.” Gamzee said abruptly and when he looked at the highblood’s plate he noticed that a very small fraction of the toast was missing. “All kinds of full now.”  
“Gamzee you didn’t even eat a quarter of it.” In a quiet voice he added. “Have you already forgotten the promise you gave me.”

Once more Gamzee lowered their gaze. “It ain’t like I want to all but break them promise of mine, but eating always makes me sick. And I don’t like the feeling.”  
Gently he put a hand under Gamzee’s chin and made them look up. “I know this must be difficult for you, but I am truly worried about you. The amount you are eating is not enough to sustain you for much longer. So please could you do me the favor and at least eat half of it? It would make me really happy.” He knew that his words bordered on manipulation, but what other choice did he have? It wasn’t like he wanted to pressure Gamzee into eating, but he just couldn’t forget how light they had been in his arms.

“I can’t. Please don’t make me.” Gamzee whispered and his heart filled with pain as he saw how much the highbloods hands were shaking.

A heavy silence fell over them and he hated himself for putting such pressure on the highblood. Maybe it would be better if he let it go for today, but would he be any better at handling this situation on another day?  
“Would you allow me to test something.” He asked quietly and when Gamzee nodded their head, he ripped a part of the tablecloth off and held the fabric out to the highblood. “Would you allow me to bind this over your eyes?”

Nervous purple eyes shifted from him to the fabric and back to him. The nodded they gave him was barely visible and he couldn't blame them. Not being able to see was a huge disadvantage, so it really meant a lot that Gamzee allowed him to do this.

“Is this okay?” He asked softly, once he had bound the fabric around the highbloods eyes and then lay his hand on their face in a comforting manner.  
“Yeah I’m fine. It’s just a bit strange not being able to see anything,” Gamzee said and laughed nervously. Such a reaction was to be expected.

Gently he pressed his lips to Gamzee’s and asked. “But you do like it when we kiss, isn’t that right?”  
“Yeah, but I don’t understand how that will help with me eating too little.” Gamzee said and he gave them another kiss.

“Don’t worry about it. Just tell me when things get to unconfutable for you or push against my shoulder if you want me to stop.”  
“O…Okay,” Gamzee whispered, sounding as uncertain as he felt.

After once more making certain that Gamzee was truly alright with this, he took a piece of chocolate from the table and put it in his mouth. He instantly regretted his decision when the sweet flavor assaulted him, but then forced himself to calm down. This wasn’t about him or his dislike for chocolate. This was about trying to help his Highblood.

Many people liked chocolate and maybe he could get Gamzee into liking it too by doing this.  
He could at least try it.

Gently he placed his hand on either side of the highbloods face and kissed them. After a moment of hesitation he pushed their lips open and slipped the chocolate piece into their mouth.  
For a moment it looked as if the highblood wanted to push him away, but then they let their hands sink and allowed him to kiss them until the chocolate piece was gone.

“Was that okay with you my Highblood?”  
When Gamzee didn’t answer he became worried. “Gamzee, are you alright?”  
“Yeah am all kinds of fine. Just maybe …could we do that again?”

Well that hadn’t been the reaction he expected, but he certainly wouldn’t object to it.  
“Of course we can, but would it be alright with you if I took a larger piece of chocolate this time around?” Gently he brushed a lose strand of hair out of Gamzee’s face.

“That’s okay.” Gamzee replied in a whispered and he didn't waste any more time before letting the awfully sweet flavor of chocolate assaulted his nerves again.  
Quickly he moved closer to Gamzee and gave the chocolate to them. Combined with the highbloods own aroma it was almost bearable, but he certainly would have liked the kiss better without this piece of chocolate between them.

He didn’t know how long the kiss lasted, but he certainly was glad when it ended and he could shove the reminder of his toast down to get rid of the flavor. Once he was done eating toast, he asked: “And what do you think, do you like chocolate now?”

“It’s not bad. I guess I could get used to it, especially when you give it to me like that. But now I really can’t eat nothing more” Gamzee said and moved to take off the blindfold, but he held them back.  
“Would you be willing to leave this on for a while longer? There is something I would like to show you.”

“Okay but only for a bit, I don’t like them darkness all that much.”  
“I will hurry, please wait here until then.” Quickly he stood up and moved to the next room where his violin was waiting. He had long since wanted to make the highblood listen to this song he had been practicing for a while now, but each time he was about to bring it up Gamzee looked at him with these beautiful purple eyes and he just knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate when they looked at him like that.

Nervously he set back down beside the highblood and explained. “I would like you to listen to this song I have been practicing for a while now. Is that okay with you?”  
“Yes, I would all but love to listen to it.” Gamzee said excitedly and that only made him more nervous.

After forcing his heart to slow down, he put the violin to his shoulder and played a few tones to make certain that it worked properly. When he was happy with the result, he began to play for real and then realized that he just couldn’t focus. Every wrong notes was painfully obvious to him and halfway through the song he force himself to stop for he couldn’t make Gamzee listen to this any longer. What had he been thinking forcing Gamzee to listen to this? Why did he always have to be so foolish?

“That sounded really good,” Gamzee praised and he knew they were just trying to make him feel better, after all he had listened to what he had done.  
A hand as placed on top of his. “You were just a bit nervous, but maybe I can help with that. I know them text to them song, so I could sing along. Making it feel less like I’m an audience and more like I’m preforming alongside you. How about that?”

The promise of hearing Gamzee sing was indeed tempting, but after the disastrous sounds he just created he wasn’t certain if he could go through this again. “I don’t think that is a good idea. Your ears must be bleeding enough as it is.”

“Stop make yourself bad.” Gamzee said and pulled the blindfold off. “I told you that you were just a bit nervous and that I would help you. It’s kinda rude that you won’t even let me try to help you.” Gamzee told him and he knew the highblood was right. It was indeed rather rude of him to refuse their assistance, even though he didn’t understand how it would help him if they sang along.  
Dutiful he lifted the violin back up and started to play, for who was he to refuse a Highbloods command.

After a few moments Gamzee started to sing along and their voice was truly wonderful.  
A feeling of peace and calmness filled him and finally he was able to play the song like he intended to play it all along. All nervousness had vanished and it was only him and the Highblood creating these harmonious sounds. It was truly amazing, he never wanted this to stop.

The sudden applause of an audience he hadn't noticed made him realize that the song had already ended and that Chixie and Skylla had entered the room without his knowledge.  
He was about to greet them, when he realized that their attention was on Gamzee and then found himself unwilling to interrupt.

“So you must be the Witch Equius told us about. Wouldn’t have thought you have the same way with music as Chixie here does.” Skylla said and moved closer to Gamzee, a bright grin on her face. “I guess this performance is enough to prove that you really are a Witch. I mean I still feel the Harmony you emitted with your song. Or what do you think Chixie.”

With a nervous nodded the other teen stepped closer and said. “You are really good at bringing harmony through your voice. I have the same gift as you, so I could train you to convey other emotions with your songs. That is if you would like that?”

“Chixie here is really great at using her Siren songs to get whatever she wants.” Skyla interrupted and the other women pushed her lightly.  
“How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t like it when you call it that? It makes me sound evil.”

“What can I say? I would do everything to hear your songs my beloved matesprite. Just like the sailors did everything to get to their Sirens. Drowning themselves in the process.”  
“See this is exactly why I don’t like it when you call it Siren song. I would never use my gift to make anyone drown themselves… except maybe Zebruh.”

“Sorry, but…” Gamzee started, but then fell silent when both teens turned to them. After a moment of hesitation they continued. “It’s really nice of you that you want to train me, but I can only bring two emotions to the people around me. One of them is them harmony you just felt, the other… is rage.”  
Gamzee’s voice lowered into a whisper as he said: “It’s true that I can heal the people around me with my magic, but it’s actually far more easy for me to hurt and destroy them with it.”


	16. Chapter 16

He was about explain the contains and limitation of his magic, when Author knocked on the door and then entered the room with a large package. After a moment of hesitation Equius took the box from his lusus and then looked at him.  
“It's for you.” The blue-blood said and he was equally surprised to find his name being written on the strange box.  
Who could have sent that?

With a quite thanks he took the box from his friend and studied it more closely. A purple bow was wrapped around purple paper and a flowery aroma emitting from within. He was about to open it, when Equius held him back.  
“I don't like this. No one is supposed to know that you are here. At least allow me to open the box? I don't want you to get hurt.”

“Equius is worried about their friend. Isn't that cute.” Skylla 'whispered' to her girlfriend, but she wasn't really good at whispering so the entire room could hear her and that earning her another light shove from Chixie.

With a shake of his head he stepped back and said. “If them thing is really dangerous then I certainly won't let you open it! This thing was sent for me, so it's all but my responsibility. I won't all but let you get hurt by it.”  
Before anyone could stop him, he ripped the paper away and opened the box. In the next instant he let the box drop and screamed in fear.

The puppets bright blue eyes were engrave into his mind, even as he closed his eyes. It's sadistic smile taunted him with the knowledge of the monster he would become and he couldn't block it out.  
Cold fingers reached for him and dragged the blood that was on their hands over his face. There were so many different colors. He had killed them all. “This is all that we are ever meant to be little bro.” The person – that was his older self - whisper and he shook his head in denial, for he refused to ever turn out like them.

When someone called his name, he opened his eyes and found himself lying on the dinning hall floor.  
“Gamzee are you alright?” Equius asked and he grabbed his hand, needing the comfort.  
“I'm fine now.” He mumbled and hoped that it was true. That the nightmare was finally over.

Bright stars of a foreign sky looked down on him and he wondered if this was the sky Equius had seen when they had spoken last night. It looked beautiful. But how was he able to see it now?  
When he looked back at Equius he noticed that their expression had changed. No longer was his gaze filled with worry, but sadness and pain instead. Then he noticed the shadowy figures that loomed over his friends back.

“I thought I could put my faith in you. I thought you were the one purple-blood that was different... but I was wrong. All of us were so nice to you and this is how you repayed our kindness. YOU MADE ALL THESE PEOPLE I SWORE TO PROTECT INTO CREATURES OF DESPAIR. YOU TOOK THEIR LIGHTS AND LET THEM BECOME HORROR-TERRORS!!!!”  
Roughly he shook his head, trying to tell Equius that is wasn't so, but the blue-blood didn't listen. Wordlessly he stood by as the shadowy creatures took his arms and dragged him away.

No he wasn't responsible for this. He couldn't be. He would never do this to anyone.  
Yet why didn't he fight back as they dragged him away.

Through dark hallways and rooms they forced him, till the sky opened wide and he knew he was outside.  
More and more shadowy figures came to watch him burn and he didn't struggle as they bound him to the execution platform, for wasn't that what he deserve after all? He didn't know, but it felt like it was true.

“TODAY WE CAME TO WITNESS TO THE DEATH OF A DARK WITCH. THEIR ACTIONS AND CURSED MAGIC RESULTED IN THE DESTRUCTION OF EVERYONE THAT IS HERE TODAY. BUT THIS IS A JUST COURT AFTER ALL, SO WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SPEAK UP FOR THEIR CRIMES. TO DEFEND THEIR HIDEOUS ACTIONS?”  
The voice of the priest was oddly familiar and when they looked up to, he saw a face that was identical to his own.

“OR WOULD YOU LITTLE WITCH LIKE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF.” They taunted him, for they knew he had nothing to say. “NO EXPLANATION FOR YOUR HORRIBLE CRIMES, HMMMM? WELL THAT ONLY LEAVES ONE OPTION: THEY ARE GUILT. GUILTY FOR ALL OUR PAIN AND THERE IS ONLY ONE JUSTIFIED PUNISHMENT: DEATH BY BURNING. LET THEIR SOUL BE PUREFIED BY HOLY FIRE.”A torch was handed to the priest and Gamzee saw their sadistic smile, before the world turned black.

********

UNFORTUNATLY I AM NOT ALLOWED TO KILL YOU YET.  
BUT YOUR PUNISHMENT WILL AWAIT YOU SOON ENOUGH, MY DEAREST BROTHER.  
SO I WILL WAIT UNTIL THEN.

********

He awoke in a room that wasn't his own.  
Terrified he looked around, till he found Sun and Moon sitting there on the bed next to him, looking all so very worried. Gently he pulled them into his arms and let them know what happened. “I all but had a really bad dream.” He whispered and they cuddled closer to him, spending comfort.

“I did something really bad and many people got so hurt.” He admitted and Moon lay his wings around him, making him feel less lonely. “I never wanted them to get hurt, but it happened and then they tried to burn me alive for it. Make my soul be purified by fire.” He said and pulled his Familiars closer, needing their comfort.

“Should I have let them?” Instantly Suns purrs turned into angry hisses and Moon fluttered his wing in distress and their caring reactions warming his heart. “Thanks for not want such a fate for me. It's really nice of you” He whispered and they returned to comforting him. Giving little meows and croaks of reassurance.  
He was so glad to have them.

 ******

Equius POV:

The arrow cut through the air and hit his target right in them middle.  
Mindlessly he reached for the next arrow and arrange it on his bow.

If only he had been a little faster. A bit more demanding and he could have saved his highblood.  
Once more he hit bulls-eye, splitting his former arrows in half.

If only I would have done more.  
With a loud snap the bow broke in his hands and the string hit the left side of his face. Leaving a sharp cut behind that filled with blood.

+++

“Our blood has certain attributes that are limited to our house only,” he remembered his Ancestor say, as he drew so many symbol in his own blood, creating a magic circle that combined so many spells. Some of them Equius knew, but most of them were entirely foreign to him.

With worry he looked at the Highblood that lay there in the middle of the circle, twisting and turning in their 'sleep'.  
Slowly he steeped forward and placed the cursed puppet next to them.  
“If everything goes right we should be able to erase the puppet and lift the curse from the highblood.” His Ancestor explained and he nodded his head, hoping that they were right.

“Do you feel capable to perform this ritual alongside me.” They asked and he nodded his head, for he had specifically requested to be a part of it. Needing to do this for his highblood.

“I will say different words, cast different spells. Will that break your concentration or make you forget the words you have to say?!”  
Roughly he shook his head. “I know exactly what I have to do and I swear that I won't fail.”  
“Even when the Horror-terrors whisper into your ears and try to make you forget?”  
His hands clenched into fists. “I won't fail.” He promised and his Ancestor nodded their head.  
“Then let us begin.”

With every spell he spoke the corresponding symbol lit up and soon the whole room emitting in a soft blue shine. Then the earth beneath him fell away and the Dark Abyss opened bellow.

+++++++++

Forcefully he put his hand through one of the dummy's, breaking it apart. If his Ancestor hadn’t been with him, he wouldn't have made it out alive. If his Ancestor hadn’t been there Gamzee would have died.  
Yes he was glad about the elders knowledge, but how much longer would he be there to protect them. His Ancestor was old, like very old. Soon he would die and there were still so many things he needed to learn from him, so why was it that he always send him back into the 'real' world. It made no sense.

He almost flinched back in surprise, when two cold hands touched his face, but then he realized who these hands belonged to and leaned in to the touch. “Shouldn't you be resting, my love.” He asked the highblood and they smiled at him.  
“I'm all kinds of fine now and I all but wanted to see you.” They responded, then their expression turned to one of worry.“You're hurt. What happened.”

“I was just a little bit careless and broke my bow. Don't worry about it.”  
“But I do worry and I don't want you to be hurt.” They said and then he felt a comforting sensation run through him, healing the cut on his face. “Better now?”  
“Yes, thank you,” he whispered and turned his head to kiss the highblood's hand. “But what about you? Do you really feel better?”

“Yeah I’m fine. A bit dizzy. But other than them fine.” Gamzee answered and he was glad about it.  
“I saw you shoot them dummy's before. Always hitting them right in the middle. That was really cool. Could you teach me how to shoot with bow and arrow? Always wanted to learn that.”

Softly he smiled to himself, not known how he would have survived if the highblood had truly died. He needed them in his life. “If that is you wish, then I certainly wouldn't mind teaching you.” He said and gently showed Gamzee how to hold the bow. “The difficulty with the bow and arrow is that you have to pay close attention to your opponent and the environment around them. Distance makes a huge difference for how you have to aim. If the enemy is very close you have to aim lower than were you want to hit, if the enemy is further away you have to aim higher.” He explained and assisted the highblood in placing the arrow.

Gently he steadied the bow as the highblood pulled on the string and then released it. They missed the target by quite a bit, but seemed rather happy about their accomplishment and so he was happy too. “I all but did it. Did you see?” They said gleefully and he nodded his head. “That was really good, my highblood. Would you like to do it again?” He asked, expecting Gamzee to agree, but unfortunatly they shook their head. “I would all but love too and maybe later we can, but there is actually something I have to show you. So would you please come with me?”

“Sure. But were are we going?” He asked, as he took the hand the highblood held out to him.  
“It's all but a surprise.” They answered, but something was wrong. Their voice seemed different, almost as if their focus was elsewhere.

With uncertainty he followed them and then notice with growing concern that the highblood was leading him away from his Ancestors protection field, back to the outside world. Around them the forest turned darker and once he almost thought he hear the Horror-Terrors whisper.

“Once the Void had been truly empty.” He remembered his Ancestor say. “There was nothing but silence to be found. It was a place of such freedom, yet such loneliness... It was my foolish actions change that place. I challenge the First Guardian in an attempt to save my moirail from the path that had been chosen for him. I thought by killing the person that held all our strings that I could change things and maybe I would have been right or I would have been wrong. I will never know for I let him escape... He made it so that their deaths would have also caused the Handmaiden to die and in my moment of indecision he got away. I let Doc Scratch escape and he punished us Void-Player for my actions.  
You see we have an advantage over him that none of the other Players share. He can't detect us. The Void keeps us hidden from him and so he filled the passage to the Void with these creatures called the Horror Terrors, so that it become more difficult for us to enter the true Void.”

“You like horses really much don’t you.” Gamzee asked suddenly and he nodded his head uncertainly.  
“Yes I do, but I don't understand what that would matter right now.”  
“Well I wanted to fulfill my promise and get you them Familiar you always wanted,” Gamzee said cheerfully and smiled at him in the same way they always did, but something was wrong with their eyes. They almost seemed…dead?

“Gamzee?!” He said carefully and pulled the highblood back. “I think we should visit my Ancestor.”  
“Why?” The question itself was innocent, but not the way Gamzee looked at him. “Why wouldn’t you all but want to spend time with me alone? Have I done something wrong? Don’t you like me anymore?” Swiftly they stepped closer and lay their arms around him. Their lips were so close that they almost touched his. “Have you all but already forgotten them promise you gave me? That you would always be by my side no matter what happened!”

“Yes and I stand by that decision, but Gamzee you nearly died do to unknown magic only days before and I fear the puppet still has some influence over you!” The highbloods fingernails dug into his flesh.  
“So you really don’t believe me anymore. Here I am trying to do something nice for you and you think I am only what...?Trying to use you for my own goal? That is so mean.” Suddenly he felt the highbloods magic enter his systems, but it wasn't the healing warmth he had gotten so used to, but a sharp pain that burned his inside. “To bad that I only need a Void-Play to be around and not conscious or such things.”

++++  
Gamzee POV:

Carefully he placed the Void-Play in the middle of the circle and opened the book that had been with his Ancestors belongings. Why did all these people had to be so cruel and kept him away from his destiny.  
First it had been his lusus that had dragged his beloved puppet to the bottom of the ocean and now some Void-Player had tried to erase his friend through the Void. Luckily the younger Void-Player had messed up and left the puppet with the Horror-Terrors instead of taking it all the way to the Void. That was truly lucky for him.

With a soft hum, he dragged the knife over his hand and drew the last symbols in his own blood.  
With a smile he felt the earth beneath him shake and knew his God had accepted his blood-sacrifice. What an truly benevolent god he had. How couldn't anyone else see that? Why were they all against him? He couldn't understand.

Shadowy hands reached for him, as the doors to the Abyss opened and gave few to the world below. It was the castle of Derse that he saw in this upside-down manner from inside the Abyss. And well who was it that stood there on the planet of Derse, looking up at him. None other then the Void-Player that had just allowed him entrance.  
Cheerfully he waved at him, as the Horror-Terrors gave his beloved puppet back. Then he gave him one last smile before the gates close and the connection to the other world was cut off.

Well it wasn't like the Void-Player wouldn't find his way back home, once his dream had ended and anyway he finally needed to figure out what mission his God had chosen for him. Softly he brushed over his puppets soft fabric, before looking in their beautiful blue eyes and letting the images fill his mind.


	17. Chapter 17

Something was pulling on his hair almost as if… “No, stop! That’s not for eating.” He heard Gamzee call and then thought he heard the neigh of a horse. How strange. “Trying to eat them hair of someone isn’t nice you know. That ain’t a first impression you all but wanna give him.” Gamzee said and the pull on his hair stopped. For a moment everything was silent, then a high pitched squeal sounded. “No! That's also not okay! Stop!” 

Slowly he opened his eyes and was met with a scenery that made him smile. A small black foal had decided to visit them and was currently nuzzling the highbloods neck, making them laugh. “… t..that ain’t f…fair..” The highblood said between laughter and tried to get away, but without any success. When their eyes feel to him, they gave him a pleading look and he came to their rescue. 

Gently he led the foal away and thereby giving the highblood a chance to relax. “Thanks, couldn’t have taken much more.” Gamzee explained, tears of laughter in their eyes. “Them Familiar of yours is a real troublemaker, you know!” Confused he looked at them.

“My Familiar?” He asked and Gamzee smiled at him. “Don’t you remember? We all but came here to meet them Familiar of yours. We preformed them ritual and then you went to sleep to connect with them in your dreams. It was this black foal that heard your call and came to introduce itself. Will all but turn into a beautiful black stallion in no time, won't you?” Gamzee said cheerfully and gently pet the foal. “Them growing up time for Familiars is different than that of normal animals. They turn into their adult forms more quickly and are more long-living then their real counterparts. Their lifespan tied to the witch that called for them. ”

In amazement he looked at the black foal.   
He had never dared imagining having a Familiar of his own, for his Void ‘magic’ made it difficult to connect with such a Spirit animal. But now he not only had one, but a horse none the less.   
With shacking fingers he reached for the foal and gently petted her side. “I can’t believe it!”

“Wanna give him a name?”  
“Her. My Familiar is actually a her,” He corrected the Highblood and let his hands wander over her side. She was a true beauty.   
“How about Luna?” Gamzee chimed in and the name would be nice if not for the fact that it would essentially be just like the name Gamzee gave one of their Familiar’s.

“Would you truly be okay if our Familiar’s essentially shared the same name?” He asked and the Highblood looked thoughtful.“Well they are both completely black and the thing that lights up them night is them moon. My Familiar were the ones that brought me through so many long days and nights. Spend me company and comfort and that’s why I named them Sun and Moon. For they became them light of my life. I wouldn't know what to do without them.”

That reminded him. “Where are they anyway? I haven’t seen Sun or Moon all day.”  
A somewhat saddened expression came over Gamzee’s features and he almost regretted asking. “I left them in town for I feared they would try and stop me. Left them with the nice lady that took care of me while I was unconscious. I think her name was Bronya. Jade-blood, very nice, very motherly.”

Why would Sun and Moon try to stop the Highblood... unless they were doing something dangerous.  
Flickers of memories passed through his mind. The purple fields of Derse, the Abyss that surrounded the dream planet, his highblood being...  
A soft kiss was placed to his lips. “Sometimes it’s better not to remember.” Gamzee told him and the memories faded away. They weren’t important anyway. 

“I think I will call her Eos” He finally said and then explained. “Eos is the goddess of dawn, she has to siblings Helios the god of the Sun and Selene the goddess of the Moon.” Nervously he looked at Gamzee. “That is, if you're okay that the name of my Familiar is somewhat referring to yours?”  
Cold hands took hold of his and he noticed with relieve that there was a sparkle of joy in Gamzee’s eyes as they replied. “I think them name is awesome. I really love it!” 

“Did you all but hear that? You finally got a name and what a lovely one it is. Eos like the dawn for you will chase the darkness away and bring the new day, won’t you?” Gamzee said and petted the small black horse that was back to nuzzling them.  
They were so cute together. He truly wanted to stay in this moment forever, but of course every good thing had to end far too soon. 

The interruption came in form of the person Equius least wanted to see.   
“Vriska.” He hissed at the girl that stepped into their path and gave him a smug look.   
Protectively he moved in front of Gamzee and Eos, for he wouldn't allow her to hurt them.

“That's not a nice way to introduce your good-looking and smart neighbor, now is it? Where are your manner Equius? Or could it be? That you finally found your backbones.” She mocked and he moved into a defense position. If it was a fight that she wanted than she would get one and this time he wouldn't hold back, for he needed to protect the Highblood. 

“How did you find me?” He asked and she gave him another one of these smug grins.   
“Through the help of a friend or a client rather. And truthfully it wasn’t you that that I was looking for, but the person that is hiding behind you like a coward.”

“You all but wanted to find me?” Gamzee asked and he had to hold them back, as they tried to move closer to Vriska. He wouldn't allow her to lay a finger on them. “Please Gamzee, stay behind me. She is dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt.” 

“Wow. What has gotten into you? Normally we are such best friends and now you act as if I was garbage.” She said and then gave him a sly expression before turning to Gamzee. “You know I was his matesprit before you showed up. He left me the second someone of higher status came along and that's why I'm here today. To warning you that he is nothing more then an unfaithful player and that he will leave you the moment he finds something better. I'm telling you today so that you might not have to go through the same heartbreak I had to experience.” This fucking bitch. 

Shocked purple eyes looked at him and he wanted to break her neck. How dare she filling the Highblood's mind with such filthy lies. He would rather gouge out his own eyes, before dating this rotten girl.

“That true.” Gamzee asked quietly and he wanted to make her suffer.   
Careful he took the highbloods hands in his own and said sternly. “I would never leave you for such a foolish reason nor have I ever dated this poisonous woman. Please believe me when I say that you mean everything to me and that I never intent to leave you. Do you understand?”Though Gamzee nodded their head and smiled in at him, there was still this fraction of doubt in their eyes and he wanted Vriska to pay for it.   
Gently he kissed his highblood and whispered. “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you believe me.”

“Oh god, get a room or something. No one wants to see this.” Virska called and his rage awoke anew.   
“Then why don’t you state your business and leave us the fuck alone. Or better yet just leave and never return. I don’t care what you want. And I sure hope you will trip over your own feet on your way home and break your neck. Or fall of a cliff and get paralyzed from the waist down like you paralyzed that poor low-blood that now sits in a wheel-chair because of you.”

“How do you…” She started, but he didn’t let her finish.   
“Oh I know a lot about you. For example I also know that you had red feelings for the poor boy you paralyzed. So desperate to get his attention and then so unable to admit to your own feelings that you paralyzed him instead of facing the 'danger' of being rejected. How fucking pathetic can one person even be. You crippled the person you claimed to love just because you couldn't handle the possibility of being denied. And this alongside so many other horrible things you did, leads me to the conclusion that you are nothing more than a self-centered bitch and that the world would be a better place without you!”

A knife was placed in his hands and when he looked back, Gamzee stared at him with these eyes that were completely purple. “you should make her pay. hurt her like she hurt you and all the others. it’s the right thing to do.” Gamzee whispered into his ear and they were right. “..if a tree is all but infected you cut it down so that it doesn’t infect any other trees. if a troll is evil…” 

“.. you kill them before they can turn other trolls evil.” He finished Gamzee’s words and found himself agreeing with their judgment. The Highblood had found her guilty and he would execute their verdict. This was his destiny after all. But before he could go through with his plan, Gamzee started to laugh manically, giving him pause. It was only when his gaze turned back to Vriska that he realized what was going on. She was trying to take over Gamzee's mind through her curse mind-controll ability. How fucking dare she. 

“You all but think your inferior mind-control nonsense would all but work against a true servant of the Angels of Double Death. How idiotic. A true heresy even. But thank you for letting me inside your mind, your powers only make it easier for me. But what is that? You don't seem so happy to lastly be the on that gets controlled instead of being the one that is in control. Could it be that you are scared? Well don't you worry I will only MAKE YOU GO THROUGH THE PAIN YOU PUT EVERYONE ELSE THROUGH!” 

Suddenly Vriska’s arm began to twist and bend till the breaking of bones sounded and her arm became an unrecognizable mess. Blood gushed out from the twisted thing and dropped in rivers to the ground.  
“w… what is that? H... how are you able to do that? W... why isn’t my mind-control working against you.” She asked fearful, but instead of answering her, Gamzee’s put a finger to his lips and made her fall silent. “you will not speak unless spoken to.” 

For a moment the Highbloods attention was completely on Virska, but then they turned back to him and gave him one of these beautiful smiles that made his whole body sing with joy. He would do anything for them. No matter what. Gently he kissed the back of their hand and asked. “What is it that you want me to do to her? How might I be of service to you”

“Hmm, I saw so many horrible things in them memories of hers? But I think I want her to know the pain of her first victim. In it she led a poor starving rust blood down to her lusus chambers. Telling them that she stored the food down there and that they could take however much they wanted. Once they were inside, she closed the doors on them and watched as her lusus tore them apart limb for limb and ate them alive. I want her to suffer in the same way.“

“As you wish my Highblood.” He said and set on to work. Roughly he grabbed Vriska's neck and lifted her up in the air. Making her legs dangle above ground.   
“Not so funny anymore once you’re the prey instead of the hunter, now is it?” He said and she gave a whimper. “Do you have any last words before I kill you?”

“ I… I … You wanted to know how I found you, right? I… I can tell! I can tell you soooooo many things that would be important to you! I will tell you everything, you just have to let me go for it.” She begged, but he didn’t care. “I already know how you found us. You have been in contact with Doc Scratch again. He told you where we are or rather where Gamzee is, for he can't detect me. Most likely he also gave you yet another mission to deliver some other cursed object to the Highblood. Isn't that right?” Slowly he leaned closer to her and whispered into her ear. “The package you send the Highblood the last time contained a cursed puppet, that nearly killed them. I will make you pay for it.”

In disgusted he threw her away and trapped her on the ground by placing a foot on her chest. “And now tell me what body-part you would like to lose first?”  
Stubbornly she wiggled on the ground, almost as if she expected to be able to overpower him. What a laughable thought. “Please I will help you get more information of Doc Scratch. You want to kill him right. I can help you…” She begged, but he had no interest in her lies. “You mean like the last time you offered me your help and then just betrayed me when it was most convenient for you? Yeah right. As if I would ever listen to your words.”

When cold arms lay themselves around him, he felt more at ease. His world had become so much brighter ever since the Highblood had showed up and this bitch had nearly taken them away. He wanted to kill her for the harm she had caused them.

“you should take her arm off. in that way both of us took one of them.” Gamzee said and he found himself liking the idea. “Should I cut it off or tear it off through pure strength?”   
“whatever you think is more painful! but i'm down with both options.”  
“As you wish, my Highblood.”

Without paying attention to the scared whimpers Virska gave him, he took her arm and was about to pull on it, when a arrow flew right past him. In dismay he turned around and found his Ancestor entering the clearing, Bronya right behind him. 

“Sun, Moon.” Gamzee called joyous when he found that his two Familiar had also come to visit them. “Missed you so much. Are you all but okay?” They asked, before gathering their Familiar in their arm.   
It was really sweet to watch them, but right now he needed to focus on his Ancestor. 

“Would you pleased explain to me, what the hell you are doing?!” The older Void-Player demanded to know and he nearly rolled his eyes. “I'm fulfill the Highbloods request. So don't get in my way or I might find a reason to kill you too.”  
The expression of his Ancestor darkened for they know that he would go through with his promise.   
In disdain he watched his Ancestor step closer, raising their hands in defense, as if they were approaching a wild animal. Were they mocking him now? How dare his Ancestor treating him like he was a mindless beast that didn’t understand what he was doing. 

“My Highblood saw her crimes and judged her accordingly. He chose me to be the Executioner and I accepted the task. Just like you accepted every task your Highblood gave you. So what give you the right to judge my actions.“ 

He felt himself shift in and out of the Void and knew he was ready to use its full potential when needed. It was true that his Ancestor had a lot more experience with their Aspect, but they were only a Page while he was the Heir of Void. When it came down to it the Void would always chose him over anyone else, so the outcome of a battle was already clear and his Ancestor knew that all to well. 

“You are right I don’t know what she did to you, so I can't tell if this punishment is justified. But Equius this isn't like you, you are not one for kill others. So please stop before it's to late.”   
Once more his Ancestor stepped closer, trying to ‘calm’ him down with this nonsense he was speaking, but his focus was on Bronya, who approached the Highblood in the same careful manner his Ancestor approach him. How dare she acting as if the Highblood was a wild beast that needed to be put down. Rage filled his heart as he watched her, the his grip on the knife tightened. What an insolence. 

“Maybe you are right and this isn't like me. But my Highblood gave me a mission and I am going to fulfill it no matter what.”   
Before his Ancestor could stop him he used the Void to cross the distance between himself and Bronya and slit her throat for treating his highblood so very disrespectful.   
He regretted his decision in the next moment, when shocked purple eyes landed on him and he realized that this hadn't been what his Highblood wanted. A sharp pain filled his heart as Gamzee move away from him. 

“Gamzee.” He said apologetic and tried to close the distance between them, but to his surprise Gamzee only moved further away, shaking their head as if in denial. And he didn't understand it. She had disrespected them and so he had punished her for that. Why were they acting as if that was wrong.

He didn’t even realize it when his Ancestor pushed him aside to get to the bleeding Jade whose life was only seconds from ending. He heard her gasp for air, but his focus was on Gamzee. He needed their forgiveness. Whatever he had done wrong he would make up for it. No matter the price, he would pay it.

“Gamzee.” He tried again and reached for their hand, but they avoided his touch and then even ran to his Ancestor, as if they were searching for protection.   
But that was absurd. He would never harm the Highblood and Gamzee knew that, right?  
With quiet laughter he sank to the ground and tried to figure out what he had done wrong.  
It just didn't make any sense.


	18. Chapter 18

Softly he brushed over the blue feathers that were attached to the end of the arrow. Equius had allowed him to use these arrows for practice, but it felt strange using them without having the blue-blood there.   
He miss his friend. 

“I was wondering if I would find you here.” A familiar voice said, but instead of Equius it was his Ancestor that had come to visit.   
“Did you take a liking to the bow and arrow?” He was asked and his eyes wandered to the target that was only a few feet away. Many of the arrows had hit it's destination, but only one had landed bulls eye. He was certainly getting better at aiming, but... “Not real. I mean it's okay, but it ain't for me.” He explained and once more let his fingers wander over the blue feathers. He really missed his friend. “It just makes me feel closer to him.” He confessed then added in a small voice. “I want him back.” 

A warm hand was place on his shoulder and when he looked up he saw a face that resembled Equius so much, yet was so very different.“Maybe its time that you go talk to him then? Don't you think?”  
Slowly he nodded his head, but the image of Equius slitting the Jades neck just didn't wanted to leave him. He had looked so feral in that moment. 

“Are you afraid of him?” The older Blue asked and he shook his head, for why would he be afraid of Equius when it had been him that made Equius do what he had done. It was always his own cursed abilities that made everything turn out so wrong. Why couldn't he control it.

“How is she?” He asked carefully and thankfully Horrus instantly knew who he was talking about.  
“Bronya is doing fine, but only because you healed her in due time. Thank you.”  
Roughly he shook his head, for he didn't deserve any praises. “She wouldn't have been in danger in the first place if it hadn't been for me. It was my fault that she got hurt.” 

A cold winter wind move past them and brought snow-crystals with it. A soft layer of white had fallen over the land and he couldn't believe that it had already been a month since he had last seen Equius. The wanted them back so very much.   
“Maybe it would be all but better if I left them town of yours.” He confessed and understanding blue eyes looked at him: “So you do understand the influence you held over my descendant? ” 

Once more his gaze returned to the target and most specifically to the one arrow that had hit right at center.  
“When I first met Equius I was so happy, for he was so nice and kind and most surprisingly I couldn't read his mind at all. It made me really really happy, for I thought I finally found someone that wouldn't get hurt by me losing control...” Roughly he bit his bottom lip, before he added: “I guess I was wrong.” 

“We Void-Players are better at canceling out the influence of other people, but Equius is still rather young so he can still be influenced.” Horrus explained and gave him and encouraging smile. “You only have to give him a bit more time and then I am certain he will be able to do it.” Another harsh wind pushed past them and the Ancestors smile turned sad as they confessed. “You really remind me him. Of the moirail I lost. He looked just like you when he was your age. Sometimes I think it was fates cruel choice that brought you here to me.”

A warm scarf was placed around his neck and it was only now that he realized that he wasn't dressed for this cold weather at all. “Please know that I wouldn't mind if you were still here once I returned, but I won't hold it against you if you feel the need to leave. But please talk to Equius before you go.” 

“You are all but going away?” He asked confused and Horrus nodded his head. “The girl- Vriska- we managed to fix her up, but her arm will never function again. I intend to use my Decedents work-space to create a robotic arm for her, because I feel like it was my fault that she got so badly wounded. True I still don't know what crimes she committed and if it would be a justified punishment to let her live without her right arm, but it just doesn't feel right for me. If I had kept a closer look on you and my descendant nothing like this would have happened and so I feel it is my responsibility to fix it. ”

For a moment he consider telling the older blue-blood all that he had seen in her head, but then he decided against it. He didn't wish to manipulate anyone's decision, not after what happened last time and so he asked instead: “How long will you be gone?”   
With a smile Horrus kneeled down in front of him and arranged the scarf they had given him. “Only for a few days and as I already mentioned, I would really appreciated it if you would stay and even more if you could go and talk to my descendant. He really misses you and I have a feeling that you miss him too.”   
They weren't wrong with their assumption and he knew he needed to see his friend. 

+++++

The room he entered was cast in darkness.   
The curtain drawn shut, letting no sunlight in. 

“Equius.” He called out, but no answer was giving.   
Encouragingly Sun brushed against his legs and he moved forward.   
“Equius,” he called again and made his way through the darkness. The old wood was creaking beneath his feet and he wondered why Equius had chosen such an old house. 

“You shouldn't have come here.” A thin voice said and instantly the worry set in. Why was Equius voice so rough and quite? Did something bad happen to them?  
Without thinking twice he ran to where the voice had been coming from and would have fallen, if the blue-blood hadn't caught him in due time.

“Are you okay?” He asked concerned and lay his hands to the others face, feeling their temperature.   
“Funny that you asked, considering you were the one that nearly landed on the ground.” Equius replied and then added in a low tone.“I'm fine, but what are you doing here. Have you already forgotten what I have done?” 

Carefully he sent a wave of healing-magic through the others body and was happy to find that they were physically alright. But there emotional stated was something else entirely.   
“It wasn't your fault.” He replied quietly and the sadness set in as he realized that he was responsible for Equius situation. He had used his ability to make Equius do what he had done and then he had been to much of a coward to tell him the truth of what had happened, out of fear that Equius would hate him afterwards. He had let his friend suffer in silence and take the burn for his mistakes.“I'm sorry.” He said remorsefully and felt the tears welled up in his eyes. 

“Gamzee, there is nothing...” Equius started, but he interrupted him. “There is! There are so many things I need to apologize for!” He said and felt tears of anger and sadness roll down his face. “I was the one that dragged you into this mess. The things you have done. They were things I made you do! You didn't do them! I forced you to do them! It was all my fault!” 

When he was pulled into a hug, he didn't know how to respond. Hadn't the blue-blood listened at all or did he just not understand? Once more he tired to explain, but Equius interrupted him.   
“Stupid Highblood, I already know that.” Equius replied and somehow that only made more tears roll down his face. He couldn't understand it. Why would the blue-blood be willing to hold him close if they knew what he had done. It just didn't make any sense. 

When a warm nose pressed against his neck, he turned his gaze to the side and found Eos standing next to him.   
She had turned into a beautiful mare just like he knew she would, but while she was a sight to behold, it was unmistakable now what she was and where she came from. A Horror-Terror. A thing that brought nothing but misery and pain to her owner. He had brought her back from the realm of the Horror-Terrors and bound her to Equius. Why was he always messing up?

“I must admit that she scared me quite a bit the first time she showed her true form, but over time I came to love her very much. Thank you for bringing her to me.” Equius told him and he shook his head, not understanding why anyone would be thankful for getting such a monster. It defied any logic.   
“... And also thank you for helping me connect fully with the Void. I can't hear them anymore. For the longest time my connection to the Void had also meant to be connected to the realm of the Horror-Terror, but now I can't hear them anymore. I think your mind-control freed me of my fear of the Horror-Terrors and thereby let me fully connect with the Void. So thank you.”

“Then why?” He couldn't help but ask and was glad that the blue-blood understood the content of his question.   
“Why I looked myself into this room? It's simple. I did it, because I knew I was under your control, yet I did nothing to stop you. I let your magic take hold of me and acted on your behalf. I could have fought back, but I didn't.” A heavy weight was place on his shoulder and it took him a moment to understand that Equius laid his head on his shoulder. “I promised to stop you. That I would never allow you to turn into the thing you feared. Yet I did nothing when the time came to fulfill my promise.” The hug, in which Equius held him, tightened. “I'm sorry my Highblood I failed you and like the coward I am I locked myself into this room, for I feared you would hate me for my weakness.”

It was almost laughable how their shared fears of rejection had kept them away from for so long, when a simple conversation could have cleared everything up. 

“I could never all but hate you. You are my best friend and you didn't fail me. Them request I made was all kinds of unfair to begin with.” He said and felt new tears forming in his eyes. “But don't worry about it. I'm freeing you from them request today, for I am going to leave and you will stay here. So you ain't gotta worry about it anymore.” 

The grip with which Equius held him became almost painful tight. “What do you mean, you are leaving?!” The blue-blood asked sternly and he knew this question had to come, yet why was it so difficult to speak about it. 

“Them weeks we shared were them most wonderful time I ever had and I was so so happy that I all but got to know you, but you saw what I do once I stay with someone to long. I ruin them and I can't stop myself from doing it. It's like a defect I all but have in them mind of mine. Always destroying everything I hold dear. And I should have known better, but I liked it here so much. And therefore I stayed to long. And I'm so so sorry for that. I never all but wanted you to get hurt.”

For a moment everything was silent, then Equius pushed him to the ground and trapped him there with his own body. “And what makes you think I would let you leave that easily?!” Equius asked darkly and kissed him roughly. “If you are leaving so will I and there will be no discussion about it.” Equius stated and he nearly smiled for he knew that he wouldn't be able the chance the blue-blood's mind.


	19. Chapter 19

Equius POV: 

Carefully he let his fingers wander through the Highblood's hair and found peace in their presence. He had missed them so much. “Where are we going to go?” Gamzee asked softly, as they lay there next to him and he smile.  
“Anywhere you want to go.” He answered truthfully and kissed their hand in a sign of his devotion. He would do anything for them, even leave this town he had sworn to protect and the duty he had been living for all this time. If this place couldn't be a home for Gamzee than neither could it be to him. 

“I wanna go somewhere warm with a large beach? Then we can go and build all them sandcastles we can at day and watch them stars in them night.” Gamzee said and it sounded quite lovely. “Will finally be able to show you all them beautiful starfishes. Oh and them crabs. I love them crabs. They are so funny and cute, I loved watching them go all side-ways and such, never knowing where they would all but actually go.”

“Gamzee.” He asked softly and they lay their head to they side in question. “When was the last time you ate anything?” The question had been on his mind for quite a while now and the way Gamzee avoided his gaze afterward gave him the answer he feared he would get. With a deep sigh he searched his pockets before he found what he had been looking for and placed the chocolate bar in front of the Highblood. “Would you please eat this?” He asked and couldn't even blame them when they made a disgusted expression. He also didn't like chocolate, but they needed to eat. 

“Please,” he said softly and Gamzee reluctantly took a piece.  
“Could we all but do it like last time,” They asked and he shook his head. “I only did that to get you used to the flavor, but now it won’t be necessary anymore.” He replied, but then they pouted at him and he couldn’t help but kissed their cheek. Why did they have to be so cute even when they did something like that?

“I am willing to help you with one piece…” Gamzee’s face lit up “…But only if you promise, that you will eat the rest on your own.” For a moment the Highbloods expression became thoughtful, then they nodded their head and he took the chocolate piece from them. 

The things he was willing to do for his highblood, it was truly maddening. 

Gamzee's lips were soft against his and he tried to focus on that instead of the chocolate flavor that filled his mouth. He would never understand why everyone liked chocolate so much. It was only awful to him.  
Gently he licked over the highbloods lips and a shudder went down his spine when they let him inside without a second thought. 

Oh, how wrong it was that they gave in to a lowblood like him. It was nothing their society would ever approve of, yet why did it give him such joy to know that Gamzee believed in him so much that they would never suspect that he had any ulterior motivations? Not that he had any. His only wish was to serve his Highblood however he could, even if it meant to break these rules he had been raised with. 

Softly he pushed Gamzee on their back and leaned over them to deepen the kiss.  
Their aroma was so truly enchanting, drawing him in like nothing else and maybe this was something he wanted too. To break the rules in such an sinful act, but he couldn't.

Carefully he took his lips off the Highblood and let his fingers trace over their face, wondering how it could be wrong that he wanted take care of his Highblood in such a way. Their society was truly a cruel one when it came down to it.  
“Equius.” Gamzee said softly and tried to pull him closer, but he couldn’t allow it. He had already broken so many rules, but this was the one he couldn't continue to disobey. It just wasn't right and they were to young. 

“Please eat the rest of the chocolate bar now.” He said quietly and after a bit of persuasion actually managed to make Gamzee eat the whole thing.  
Gently he brushed a wayward strand out of their face and kissed their forehead. “Thank you.” He whispered against their forehead and swore silently to protect them forever.

“Is there anyone you want to say goodbye to before we leave?” He asked and lay back down beside his Highblood.  
“Wouldn’t all but know what to say.” Gamzee confessed and he nodded his head, for he had the same problem. How was he supposed to say goodbye to all these people he swore to protect. He just couldn't do it and it seemed neither could Gamzee.

Gently he kissed the Highblood's hand and whispered. “I love you.”  
He didn’t know why he felt like he needed to say it, but maybe it was due to his feared that Gamzee might still leave without him and he couldn't let that happen. 

Brilliant purple eyes looked at him and he knew he wasn't ready to lose his Highblood. He needed them.  
“I love you too.” Gamzee replied all soft and sweet and he wanted to believe that that meant they would stay with him, but the voice in the back of his mind told him something different.

Carefully he put his arms around Gamzee and pulled them closer, needing their closeness for as long as they were willing to share it.  
“I will help you build the highest sandcastles you have every seen.” He promised his Highblood and they nodded their head, but their gaze was faraway. “We will find the most beautiful starfishes and watch all the crabs we can find.” Softly he kissed Gamzee's forehead. “I promise you we will find a lovely home where we can live in.” Once more they nodded their head, while their mind seemed elsewhere.

“We should sleep now, tomorrow will be a long day.” He finally whispered and they closed their eyes.  
He really hoped that his fears wouldn’t come true. 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++

Gamzee POV:  
Carefully he freed himself from the blue bloods hold and stood up.  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered and place a soft kiss to their cheek. “But this is for them best.”  
Quietly he walked to the front-door, where Sun and Moon were already waiting for him. They knew him so much.  
Gently he caressed their soft feathers and fur and asked. “Ready to leave?” The small meows and croaks he got as answers warmed his heart, for he could always count on them. He was so thankful to have them. 

Quietly he opened the door and steeped out into the cold winter night.  
“This is for the best.” He tried to convenience himself and then nearly had a heart attack when the loud whine of a horse disturbed the silence of the night. Quickly he turned around and found Eos standing there next to the entrance of the house. 

He had forgotten that they send her outside, because she was one of the Horror-Terrors that primarily feed of the nightmares from living-beings and Equius didn't wish for him to have bad dreams.  
Gently he petted her side and tried to calm her down: “Hey there my dear. Sorry if all but startled you. All but didn’t intent to do so.” Accusing black eyes looked at him almost as if she knew what he was doing. Once more she gave a loud neigh and this wasn't good. Yes he found it lovely that Eos was looking after Equius, but he couldn’t let her succeed. 

“Hush, everything is fine no need to up and be upset.” He said in a calming manner and let his healing magic flow through her, making her feel at ease. Slowly she gave in to his petting and her eyes drifted shut. “That’s a good mare. Being up all this time to protect them new friend of yours, haven’t you?! What a good and loyal mare you are. All but deserve some rest, don’t you?” He whispered and allowed her to find the sleep she deserved. “It’s okay now. You are all but allowed to rest. Everything will still be fine when you wake up.” A last tiny neigh was given, then she was fully asleep and he was free to go, yet why did he wish to stay. 

“It's for them best.” He told himself again and Moon cuddled up against him, rubbing his soft feathers against him and spending him comfort. “Thank you.” He whispered softly and turned his face toward him. He didn't know what he would do without Sun and Moon. 

A soft layer of snow had fallen over the town and it looked so very beautiful with it's Architecture that included the forest rather than destroying it.  
Quietly he pulled Horuss' scarf tighter around himself and walked on. He needed to leave. It was for the best.

After a while the houses became less and less until there were none to see and he knew he had reached the outskirt of the Void-Players magic. He was about to reenter the real world and wouldn't be able to find this town again.

“Time to do the right thing.” He told himself and stepped forward, but before he could go through with his plan a strange presence filled his mind and then he heard it. The Puppet! “And where do you think you are going?” It asked accusingly and he press his hands over his ears trying to block it out, but it wasn't working. 

Roughly he shook his head, as they showed him all he needed to do and then sank to the ground in despair. Never would he be able to do that. Never in a million years. “DO IT!” They screamed into his mind, but he couldn’t. He refused to do it.

On shacking legs he stood up and moved forward. He wouldn't do this! Thick strings wrapped themselves around him and tried to pull him back, but he couldn't give up, not when so much was on the line. More and more strings wrapped themselves around him and cutting into his flesh, but he couldn't give up. He wouldn’t hurt his friends. He refused to give their souls as sacrifice to his god. And he certainly wouldn't feed them to this twisted puppet he hated so much.

Purple blood ran down his body and it hurt, it hurt so fucking much, but he couldn’t give in. Stubbornly he took one step after another, feeling the strings tighten around him and strangle him.  
“The strings won’t break you know.” The puppet spoke in amusement and then added in an arrogant tone. “You will only kill yourself if you continue to move forward.” 

Only a few seconds later his legs gave out beneath him and he knew he wouldn't be able to move forward anymore, his body entangled in this web his enemies had woven, but it was alright. At least he had been able to chose his own fate, even if death had been his only other option. 

Dark spot filled his vision and he couldn’t get any air, but it was okay for at least he wouldn’t hurt anyone else again. He wouldn't hurt his friends again.

His only regret was that he couldn't spent more time with them. With all these people he came to like, but most of all the blue-blood he had fallen in love with. Slowly he closed his eyes and saw Equius' smiling face before him, if only he could have made them smile like that again. They looked so pretty when they smiled. 

It was the last thought he had before the darkness took him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you still enjoy my story :D  
> If so please leave a comment or a kudo :)  
> That would be really really nice of you, for I would really like to know what you are thinking of the story so and if you enjoyed it till here :D


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Character deaths!!!

Gamzee POV

The puppet spoke and his eyes flew open.  
All the harmony he had felt only minutes before was gone and he found himself sitting there in front of a magic circle that was drawn in his own blood. When he looked down he saw the deep cuts on both his arms and instantly the hurt set in. Blood was still dripping down from his fingers. 

“I needed a little bit of blood to draw this beautiful circle. I hope you don't mind.” The puppet said and he nearly recoiled in shook and disgust when he found it physically sitting there before him, filling the center of the circle with it's unwelcome presence. He wanted to run away, but of course the puppet didn't let him. 

“So do you finally understand what you agreed to so many moons ago?” The puppet taunted, but he remained silent for it would only use his words against him and truthfully he also didn't had any answer to give. 

“Ohh what's with that sad face. The party hasn't even started yet and anyway this will be our last mission for now and once it is over you can live your live freely... well what will be left of you anyway.”  
Roughly he bite his lips and tried not to cry from the unfairness of it all. He had only wanted a friend nothing more. How could this be a fair exchange for such a simple wish? It wasn't. It couldn't be. He refused to believe it. 

“Ah, there is no need to cry. The task I give you is really simple, so you don't have to worry that you will mess it up.” The puppet said encouragingly, as though this was any of his concern.  
He hated the thing so much, why couldn't it just go up in flames. Why couldn't it just leave him alone.  
“What do I all but have to do?” He asked through gritted teeth, figuring it was better to know from the beginning. 

He came to regret his decision only seconds later. 

“You only have to speak a prayer that will draw in the souls of the surrounding magicians and feed them to me. And don't worry I already brought you the Heart-Player that will help you disconnect their souls from their bodies. So you only have to reach inside their chests, take their souls out and give them to me. Simple enough isn't it?!” The grin on the puppets face widened and he wanted to set the cursed thing on fire, but then his mind registered what he had heard and his hatred changed to fear. 

There was someone sitting next to him and he didn't wish to know which friend he would drag down with him, but in the end he turned his head to the side, for he couldn't bare the uncertainty any longer.

It was Boldir who's eyes were filled with 'his' purple color and he shook his head in denial. She didn't deserve this. With sadness he remembered all the times she let him stay in her book-shop and told him all these fantastic stories of witches and magicians of old times when the business was going slow. Her voice was soft and melodic, awaking the story in such vivid detail and letting him forget all his worries. 

He didn't want this! She didn't deserve this!

“Then let us begin.” The puppet said and before he even had time to try and disobey, he was already on his feet and spoke a pray he had never heard before. Boldir's voice was soft beside him and a shudder went down his spine as he felt her Heart-Power's wander into the earth beneath them and enter the houses of all the people he called friends.

It didn't take long for the ghostly figures to appear beside them and tears welled up in his eyes when he found Bronya, Skylla and Chixie among all the others. He didn't want this. He just wanted it all to stop!

“What magnificent souls. My master will be so happy to receive them.” The puppet whispered into his mind and he tried to break free of their hold but it was no use. On shacking legs he crossed the distance to the first spirit and plunged his fingers into their chest. 

The feeling was sickening and he never wanted to do this again, but knew he had no choice. When his fingers found something warm and pulsating, he wanted to recoiled from the sensation, but the puppet didn't let him. Tears ran down his face as he was forced to pull the warm object outside and see the spirit disappear with a horrified expression. 

What he held in hand was the shinning soul orb of one of his friend. It was beautiful, yet so very terrifying. In a steady pulse it send out sparks of warmth and light and gave him comfort, making him never want to let go. In a hushed whisper their soul spook to him and he wished he could lessen their fears, but knew he would only tell lies. 

Slowly he walked to the puppet and gave the soul as an offering.  
Carefully he opening the puppets mouth and putting the orb inside. Watching it vanish into darkness. 

The other spirits tried to flee into the night but the circle bound them in place and so it was time and time again, that he was made to steal their soul, feed them to the puppet and watch them die.  
There was nothing he could do. Nothing to keep their lights from fading away.

Suddenly there were black feathers drift down from the sky and they were so beautiful. Carefully he held out his hands to them, but each time they faded away just as he was about to reach them. Further and further he followed the feathers to an unknown location and heard the puppet trying to call him back, but somehow they held no control over him anymore. 

It was when his fingers closed around one of these feathers that a loud explosion sounded behind him and he was thrown against one of the nearby trees from the impact. Blood was running down his face and he couldn't see clearly anymore. Everything was a blur.  
His body hurt so very much. 

“Gamzee!” Someone called out, but it was only once they were directly in front of him that he knew who it was. Equius, Sun and Moon had come to help him, but instead of finding joy in their company, regret filled his heart. 

He had done such horrible things. 

“I'm sorry. I'm so...” He whispered, but was silenced by a kiss.  
“I know, but it wasn't your fault.” Equius replied and he felt new tears rise to his eyes. How couldn't the blue-blood see that it was indeed his fault. If he had never come here none of this would have happened in the first place. 

“But it is my fault!” He yelled and two warm hands took his face and forced him to look up. “No you are not! But if you really want to take the blame, then it's mine as well. For I failed to eliminate the puppet the first time around.” Equius said and kiss his forehead. “But don't worry this time around I won't fail. I swear I will free you from the puppets hold. So please wait for me until then.” Once more he felt soft lips on his forehead then the blue-blood left him, without so much as a glance back.

Quickly he stood up and then fell back down, noticing the strange way one of his legs was bend. He couldn't walk. He couldn't help his friend. Once more he tried to stand up but his Familiar held him back, huddling closely against him and spend him comfort. And he knew they were right and he was so glad to have them. 

“Your blue-blooded friend is really interesting.” The puppet spoke into his mind an he froze in shook. He had hoped that he had finally escaped their hold, but unfortunately that didn't seem to be true. “But did no one ever teach him that kids shouldn't be playing with explosives? It's far to dangerous. Maybe someone special should teach him a lesson.” He felt the puppets invisible strings tuck on his body, but luckily his leg had been broken in a way that even the puppet couldn't fix. 

Next he felt them trying to access his magic only to find it drained from their previous actions.  
A tired smile formed on his lips as he understood that the puppet could no longer control him, for they had already broken him.

“How long will it take for your magic to restore.” The puppet asked and his smile grew. “One hour at the very least. Probably more” He answered truthfully, for he knew that would be to long for the puppet. 

“That is unfortunate, but luckily I know a trick how we can restore your magic quicker.”  
He was told and all the color drained from his face, as his gaze was forced to his Familiars.  
“Witches and Magicians give a part of their magic to their Familiars in order to make them as long-living as they are.” The puppet told him and he begged in desperation as his hands closed around his Familiar's bodies. 

“Please I will do anything for you. I will go anywhere and give as many souls as you want. Please I will do anything, but please don't take them from me.” He begged, but they didn't listen, only making him tighten his hold on his Familiars.

“I will serve you for all eternity. I will kill thousands and thousands of people for you. I will give you all their souls.” He pleaded as his Familiars started to fight his hold and hissed and croaked at him.  
“I will give you anything. I will be your most loyal servant. I will never question any of your decisions ever again. ” He whimpered when heard the breaking of bones and felt his nails sink into his beloveds skin. 

“I will do everything you tell me to do without hesitation.” He cried as everything became silent and he noticed that his Familiar weren't moving anymore. Horrified he looked down at their mangled bodies and sobbed, as he was forced to tear their bodies open and retrieve their still beating hearts. 

Tear were running down his face as he was force to eat his Familars hearts and use their magic to heal his leg.

What cruel god would demand such a sacrifice.  
This couldn't be right.  
He didn't wanted to believe this!

They had already taken so much from him, how could they demand Sun and Moon as a sacrifice.


	21. Chapter 21

Gamzee POV:

“Equius where are you?!” He called as he marched through broken streets and alleys. Man this town really looked like a battlefield by now, seemed like the blue-blood finally lost control of his rage. It really made him want to join in on the game. “Time for hide and seek is over! Come and fight me Equius!” He yelled, as another explosion sounded right before him and his god friend appeared from the blinding light of the explosion.

“Gamzee?! What are you doing? It isn't save!” Equius told him and he smile. What a good and naive boyfriend he had. Leisurely he stepped closer to the Void- Player and lay his arms around him. “But I all but missed you.” He whispered into the blue-blood's ears and looked at the knife he held in hand.  
“That is nice, but..” He didn't let Equius finish, before he drove the knife deep into their back.

With an sharp scream Equius pushed him away and he stumbled to the floor.  
Hysterically he laughed to himself as the blue-blood pulled the knife out of his back and looked at him in horror and disbelieve. The expression was priceless.

“What happened with you?!” Equius said and he couldn't help but laugh even louder. The blue-blood was so fucking stupid, it was hilarious. Still chuckling to himself he stood up and brushed the snow of his clothes.

“All but don't know what you mean.” He said in a sing-song and readied a second knife. “Nothing all but happened, I only all but understood the role I was all but been given in this wicked game. And now...” In a swift motion he attack Equius. “...your are going to die!!!”

He only missed the Void-Player by a few centimeters and it was really frustrating, why couldn't they stay still for a moment longer. Annoyed he huffed to himself and declared. “So you are up for a little danced after all? Hadn't thought that you had it in you!”

“Please Gamzee, you have to come to your senses. The puppet is still controlling you!” Equius called, but he didn't listen. Quickly he closed the distance between them and attacked the blue-blood again, more viciously then before, giving them no time to speak their blasphemy.

A wide smile stretched across his face when he noticed the drops of blue on his knife and took in the overall state of his 'friend'. Right now they only had a few small cuts, but in due time they would receive deeper wounds. Especially if they didn't step up their game and continued avoiding a real fight. “You know you ain't gonna win this if you continue avoiding to hurt me! So tell me, are you even taking this seriously.”

A pained smile was on the blue-blood's face as they blocked yet another one of his attacks and answered. “Oh believe me I take this seriously enough, but I won't play by your rules. And especially not the rules of your stupid god. I will win, but I won't kill you, for I promise to save you!”

This guys attitude really made him angry and how dare they insulting his god like this. This heretic needed a good amount of punishment. “Fine do what you all but want, but don't whine later when you lose. ” He replied angrily and started another row of attacks. More and more blood landed on the ground and the tides turn in his favor, when he managed to get hold of the blue-blood's horn and used his Rage-Aspect to break it off. With a pained scream Equius drew back and pressing his hand against his broken horn and it was so funny.

Loudly he laughed at the others pain and taunted. “Seemed like I all but got you.”Absentmindedly he twirled his knife into the air and caught it again. “So finally ready to fight for real?!” He asked, for it wouldn't be fair if he didn't give them one last chance. It just wasn't his style.

“I won't lose. For I promised to save you,” They said and he gritted his teeth together. He really hated them. Only good that his mission was to kill them anyway.  
“Well it's your death sentence not mine. So what do I care!” He called and let his rage take over.

The lose of a horn and the constant stream of blue blood dripping into his left eye made the Void-Player slower and it showed. More and more deep cuts appeared on their body and it was truly pathetic. Even more so if one consider that they had a really good fighting chance.

“Truly pitiful.” He laughed, as he steeped closer to the broken blue-blood that lay there on the ground.  
Roughly he kicked them into their stupid face and took the bow and explosive arrows from them. It wasn't like they needed these items anymore.

“You could have won.” He said in disdain as he broke the bow in half and flung it at Equius. “You could have bested me, if only you set your mind to it.” He hissed and walked in circles around the bleeding Void-Player. “You could have killed me.” He said as he kneeled down beside the blue blood.  
“have you already forgotten that you promised it.” He whispered and pained blue eyes looked up at him.

“Is that really what you would have wanted?”  
“yes.”

A sharp pain filled his system and he laughed as he noticed the broken bow that punctured his stomach. It hurt so good damn much.  
With broken laughter he fell to the ground and then became silent as he looked at the stars above him. They were so beautiful today. Would he be able to see Sun and Moon on the other side?

++++

Equius POV:

This wasn't what he had wanted. He hadn't meant to...  
Pain shout through his body as he dragged himself toward where Gamzee was lying. Purple-blood drenched the snow around them and the Highbloods face was so very pale.  
What had he done! How could he do that.

With a pained hiss he collapsed next to Gamzee and inspected their wound. It really looked bad.  
“Seems like them both of us ain't doing so great anymore.” Gamzee chuckled and then winched from the pain their laughter was causing them. Their brilliant purple eyes, were dim and lifeless, but they were the eyes of the really Gamzee and not the one of his mind-controlled self. He didn't know if he should be happy about that, for it seemed like they were in such pain.

“I'm to broken to be useful anymore,” Gamzee replied and thereby answered the question he hadn't dared to ask. When they reached a hand for him he took it carefully, not wanting to hurt them any more than he already did.

The snow was falling all around them and he looked up to the sky that had become so familiar to him, yet still wasn't the sky of this world. Seemed like some things just weren't meant to come true.  
“Gamzee, I'm so sorry.” He whispered, as he lay there next to them, his body not capable to move any further and maybe it was okay. At least he would have his beloved Highblood by his side when he died.

Cold fingers touched his face and brushed his tears away. He hadn't realized that he had been crying.  
“You all but got nothing to apologize for.” Gamzee whispered and attempted to smile at him, but it came out all wrong. Still he smiled back at them, for he knew that was what Gamzee wanted.

“Will you be able to heal yourself if I pull the bow out?” He asked quietly, but Gamzee shook their head, giving him the answer he had already expected. “My magic ain't strong enough for that and anyway the puppet would only take over control again if I would all but manage to heal myself.” Softly they let their fingertips move over his face and said: “Beside there is all but something else I wanna do.”

He froze in shook an disbelieve when a warm sensation filled his body and he realized that Gamzee was using his remaining magic to heal him. How could they do this? Did they understand that they needed it for themselves. Carefully he tried to move away, but the Highblood didn't let him and he was to scared of using to much force, for he would only end up hurting them.

“Gamzee.” He said sadly, as the flow of magic ended and the Highblood looked even paler than before.  
Fresh tears ran down his cheeks and it wasn't fair. How could the Highblood waste their best chance of survival on him. He didn't want this!

“Were pretty wounded yourself and I was all but the one that did them hurt to you, so I all but had to make it better.” Gamzee whispered and once more tried to smile at him. It still looked wrong.  
“I made a deal.” They whispered and he didn't understand. “I felt so alone in this world and I wanted a friend.”Gamzee confessed and he wanted to hug and comfort them, but knew he would only cause them pain.

“One day that puppet showed up and told me he would fulfill my wish for friend in exchange for my service. At first I refused, but then he showed me Sun and Moon and I was so happy. They were the best and I never wanted to let go of them. A week later the puppet came back and said that he would bring me even more friends if I signed the contract, but if I refused he would take Sun and Moon away!”

“Gamzee…” He said softly, but then fell silent, for he didn't know what to say..  
“I agreed and signed the contract. Ever since then they hold extreme power over me and now...” Tears gathered in the Highbloods eyes. “They made me do such horrible things and I … I never wanted to all but do them, but they gave me no choice. And they took Sun and Moon away from me and now I feel so alone and so lost! And I'm sorry for what I did. I'm so so sorry!!!”

Tightly he held on to the Highbloods hand and reassured them, that none of this was their fault and that he wouldn't allow the puppet to get way unpunished. He swore he would find a way to get Sun and Moon back and came everything alright! Because yes everything was going to be just fine!

Slowly Gamzee nodded their head but he knew, they didn't believe him at all.  
When the Highbloods eyes drifted close, he instant fear that he had lost them forever, but luckily they opened their eyes back up only seconds later.

“Equius can you all but remember the day we met?”  
“Of course I remember, how could I ever forget?!” He replied instantly and Gamzee hummed in agreement. “On the day you all but said that we married but that wasn’t all but true, now was it?” His heart sank to the ground as he looked in the Highblood empty eyes.

“I spoke with Chixie and Skylla and they all but said that we all but didn't marriage…” His grip around the Highbloods hand tightened and he knew they were right. He had used the Highbloods naivety to get what he had wanted, without considering their true feelings. It hadn't been right, but why did Gamzee wait so long to break up with him.

“Gamzee... I'm...” He began, but found no words to convey his feelings.  
“No wasn’t all but a marriage but..., an engagement.” Gamzee whispered and he looked at them in suprise.

“Thought you would all but get out of buying me a huge cake and a nice dress and a nice location and many many flowers?” Gamzee grinned and he finally understood that they weren't breaking up with him, but asking for an official wedding. It was a bittersweet feeling that filled his heart, as he saw them lying their in their own blood not minutes from dying.

“I will by you the most beautiful dress anyone has ever seen.” He promised and then added. “And the cake will be huge and I will force you to eat it all.” Gamzee grimaced and he grinned, losing himself in the fantasy they created. “We will find the most romantic place for our wedding and decorate it with hundreds and hundreds of white roses. Or is there another color you would prefer?”

“No white will be fine, for it will match them beautiful white dresses both of us will wear.” For a moment he considered telling Gamzee that only women wore dresses, but then decided to play along. “Yes we will have the most beautiful white dresses and everyone will be in awe of beautiful we look in them.”

Gamzee hummed in delight and asked.“Can we all but invite Chixie and Skylla and Bronya and Horuss and Konyyl and Boldir and Stelsa and Wanshi and Charun and Lynera.”

And icy stab split his heart and it was difficult to breath. He had failed them. He had failed all of them.  
He could still remember their horrified expressions as Gamzee feed them to the puppet and remember how he did nothing, until it was already to late. He had chosen Gamzee over all the others and in the end he even lost them.

“Yes.” He whispered and tried to keep the guilt at bay. He had let them die. It was his fault. “We can invite anyone that you would like.” He promised and Gamzee beamed at him. “I’m glad. For then they will all be there on our wedding day. All be happy and alive, not killed by me. Won't all but be the one that has killed them all.” Tears rolled down the Highloods cheeks and he kissed their forehead: “Yes I promise you, they will all be there. Not a single one will be missing. Everyone will be happy and alive.”

Joyfully Gamzee nodded their head and then asked. “Please, could you all but be tell me more about the wonderful wedding day we will all but be having?!”  
Once more he kissed his Highblood and then began his tale: “It will be on a warm summer night on which we marry. Everything will be decorated in white and all our friends will be there. Chixie and Skylla will wear matching gold-brown dresses that will sparkle in the moonlight. The one for Chixie will be to long because Skylla insisted to by one for her, but then messed up the length Chixie needs. Bronya will design our wedding dresses and then insist on given them for free, because as you know she is just such a good soul. Isn't that right Gamzee?” The Highblood wasn’t answering, but it was alright for they were only resting. Right! Right?

“Boldir will give us one of her stole goods and tell us the ancient history surrounding the object. Wanshi will come with one of her beloved books and then end up telling us the whole story even before we had the chance to look at the title. She is just such a talkative girl once it comes to her beloved books or to anime.” Gamzee's eyes were closed and he did his best not to notice that their heart-beat had stopped. They were only resting! Everything was fine!

Feverishly he went on and on about their wedding and tried to block out the reality the couldn't handle. In vivid detail he told Gamzee, how they would dance under the stars, how good the cake would be, what a heart-warming speech Bronya gave them, how foolish their friends would act once they drank too much alcohol. And how they promise to stay together for all of eternity.

The sun was rising by the time he had nothing else to say and no more escape from reality.  
Tears rolled down his face as he lay their next to the dead purple-blood he loved so much.  
“Gamzee,” he whispered brokenly and pulled them into a hug.

“I'm so sorry that I couldn't save you!”


	22. Chapter 22

Everything was cold. The snow dance around him, covering the Highblood with more and more layers of snow. Taking them away. Covering them up till there was nothing left.  
His body felt numb and he knew he would freeze to death if he didn't move soon, but how could he leave his Highblood behind, when they had always been so afraid of being left alone. He just couldn't do that. 

“Wow, how long will you keep on sitting here and do nothing.”   
Tiredly he turned his head to the side and found the puppet sitting next to him.

He knew he should be angry and demand of the puppet to leave, but he just didn't care. It wasn't worth the afford. And whatever they wanted to do, they should just do it already. There was nothing they could take from him anymore beside...“My soul? Is that what you came to take from me?” He asked, but they shook their head before answering: “I'm not gonna take your soul for you will give it to me willingly.”

Slowly he turned his gaze back to the Highblood.   
Gently he brushed the snow from their face and looked at their pale skin.   
“Why would I do that?What could you possible give me in exchange? And anyway why don't you just take it by force?”

An annoyed sigh came from the puppet.“A soul freely given is far more valuable than one taken by force and your soul is part of what my master needs. So consider yourself lucky.”  
“Lucky?” He whispered to himself, as he looked at his dead friend. How could anyone count him lucky right now? “Is that why you took everything from me? Because you thought I would give my soul more willingly than?” 

“In a way, but you see I also needed something you would be willing to trade your soul for and now I think I found the perfect gift...” Blood clung to the puppet's face, making them look even more grotesque then normally. “... I found the soul of the Highblood you love so much.”

Equius heart started to pound heavily in his chest and he had to press his hand against it.  
No this had to be a trick, Gamzee had died to far away from them. They couldn't have their soul.   
“They signed my contract in exchange for Sun and Moon. So when they died their soul came to me and I took hold of it.” 

His fingers clenched into fists against his chest, trying to calm his beating heart.  
“Give them back.” He whispered and felt the Void sing in the back of his mind. He needed to have them back.

“Your Void-Ability is really impressive. No wonder my master wants it. And yes I will give them back, but only once you sign the contract. And if you start a fight with me you will lose them forever. So what will it be Void-Player, ready to make a deal?”

An old looking scroll appeared in the puppets hand and he took it. The text was written in a language he couldn't understand and he knew the puppet would only lie if he asked about its content.   
“You only have to sign the paper with your own blood and you can have your Highblood back. Isn't that great?!”

“But wouldn't they just die again? They are still deeply wounded.” He asked and looked at the Highblood's lips that had turned a deep blue from the icy weather.   
“You worry to much. In the few hours you spent crying over their dead body, their magic recovered and now they will be able to heal themselves without any problem. So what will it be?”

Carefully he let his fingers wander over the Highblood's face. “But their soul would still belong to your master and you will still make him do horrible things, won't you?”The Highblood's skin was so very cold and he truly wanted to believe that they were only sleeping, but their temperature was to cold even for a Highblood.

“Yes his soul will still belong to my master, but no I will not send him on any more missions. They have done their job, so they will be free from now on.”  
“An what about the others? All the other souls you took today. Will you give them back too?”  
“It depends. What is more important to you? The 'matesprite' you only knew for a few weeks or all the other people you considered friends for many sweeps. The choice is yours, but I won't give you both.”

A tired smile formed on his lips, for he finally understood. “This was all part of your plan, wasn't it? You made Gamzee find me and made them act in a way that I would fall in love with them. You made me care for them, so that I would show you this place and you could take the souls of all my friends...”

“Yes and no. Yes I made Gamzee find you, but after this point I didn't interfere until I became really bored and sent myself in the mail to speed things up a little. I never felt the need to correct their actions, for I knew you would show them the town whether you liked them or not. Doc-Scratch told me you wouldn't be able to deny them anything, due to their blood color or whatever. I didn't really listen.” 

“Then if you didn't control their actions to make me fall in love with them, why would you still make me chose? Why can't you just bring back everyone?”  
The puppets grin widened. “Truthfully it's just a little experiment of mine. I just want to see how rotten your soul is. How many people you will sacrifice for 'your' Highblood. So tell me your answer Void-Player and let me see you admit to your own sinful nature.”

Slowly he closed his eyes and saw the Highblood's smiling face before him. The puppet was right, he had already made his choice and he knew he wouldn't change it. “Please give me Gamzee back, I will do anything to have them back.”   
“Excellent. Then there is only one more small thing we need to do.” 

++++ 

Equius POV:   
Numbly he lay there on this large and empty bed. Something wasn't right with his mind. There were many dark spots were memories should be, but no matter what he did he just couldn't recall a single one of them. It was almost like they had been erased. But how could that be? It didn't make any sense.

Slowly he set up and suddenly there was the outlines of another person before him. Their cheerful voice calling his name and he wanted them to stay, but like always they left him far to soon.   
Who were they? Why did they never stay? Had he done something wrong? Could he make it right? 

Roughly he shook his head, he couldn't think like this anymore. He had locked himself into this room for far to long, he needed to get his life back together.   
Harshly he rubbed over his eyes, not wanting to crying over this imaginary person anymore!  
On tired legs he walked over to his dresser and put his regular clothes on.   
Maybe he should practice archery for a while, that had always helped him take his mind of things. 

Through the press of a button his bedroom transformed into his archery hall and he took up his bow.   
It rested heavily in his hand, but he ignore the feeling. He just wasn't used to its weight anymore. 

Carefully he place an arrow on the bow and pulled the string back. He was certain he could still hit bulls eye even after not training for many weeks. When he was about to release the string and send the arrow on it's way, the image of a bleeding purple-blood appeared before his eyes and the bow snapped in half, hitting his face. 

With loud sobs he sank to the ground and pressed his eyes shut.  
He had killed the person he loved.   
He had killed them by using his strength and then left them to die out there in the winter. How could he do this? Why hadn't he controlled his strength better? What kind of monster was he?

And why could he still not even remember their name. 

+++++++

 

Gamzee's POV: 

Everything was so loud.  
He just wanted it all to stop!

He had done as the puppet had told him and gone into the forest, but something went wrong.   
When he awoke he had been back in his hive and these two loud voices scream in his head. 

Blood ran down his fingers as he dug his fingers into the skin surrounding his ears, needing to block them out. Helplessly he stumbled through his hive, trying to find something that would help and nearly stumbled into his recuperacoon in his haste. 

The green slime inside caught his eyes and he remembered all the effects it had. Goatdad had always warned him to never eat it, but right now he couldn't care less. Greedily put his face to the strange substance and drank as much as he could, praying that it would make the screaming stop.


	23. Chapter 23

Gamzee POV:

Dark clouds moved across the sky and he wondered if this was the last time he would ever see them.

Now that he remembered what he had done, he couldn't fight this punishment anymore, for he found it to be justified. If they wanted to see him burn, then he would burn for them.  
The shadowy creatures moved around him and when he looked close enough he found the faces of his friends from long ago. He had taken all their lives and than forgotten all about them. If they found him guilty, then he couldn't blame them.

The strings that tied him to the cross cut into his flesh, but he didn't complain.  
His legs dangled above the wooden plates and he could only imagine what it would be like when they set fire to it and burned him alive. How much would it hurt?

More then being shot? More than being cut in half? More then getting your face punched in with a crowbar? He didn't know, but one thing was for certain it couldn't be worse then being locked inside a fridge for three fucking years. Yeah his 'friends' were truly the fucking best.

Among the crowed stood the priest he had already encountered in his nightmares and later given the name Rage for they always destroyed everything they got in hand and now it seemed like they would destroy him as well.

“ANY LAST WORDS.” The priest asked and held the torch closer to the wood. Their eyes glinted with happiness and it was obvious that they could barely wait to set him on fire.

Longingly he looked up to the sky. Black crows circled above him and he hoped that Moon was somewhere out there, being free and save. He missed his Familiars so much. He wished he could have them back. His beloved Sun and Moon.

Black feathers drifted down from the sky and he smiled. Because even thought he couldn't reach them it almost felt like a sign from his Familiars. A small blessing that told him he wasn't alone.  
The crowd move around him, but it was okay for at least he wouldn't be alone in his death. His Sun and Moon were there to spend him comfort, so it was alright. This was okay with him.

“But it's not okay with me.” Equius said and suddenly the strings around him became undone. Warm arms kept him from falling and he didn't know if he was okay with being 'saved'. He had come to terms with his death.

“Seriously Gamzee, I leave you alone for only a few moments and you already got yourself into trouble. Is this some kind of hobby of yours?” Equius asked and led him down from the platform. With angry hissed the shadowy creatures moved back and he couldn't blame them for Equius could be rather intimidating if he wanted to be.

“Why did you save me, I already made my peace with this. I didn't needed to be 'saved'!” He stated and the grip around his arm tightened, nearly making him winched from the pain. Angry blue eyes looked at him before Equius replied.“It's simply really. You gave me a promise, just like I gave you mine and I won't let you break it that easily.” A short kiss was pressed to his lips and he didn't fight, for he had missed his Void-Player too.

“Beside don't you think it's finally time to acknowledge who Silence and Rage truly are?” Quickly he put his hands over the blue-bloods mouth and looked in horror at the priest whose smile had turned wistful.  
No he didn't want this! He didn't wish to understand!

“So you realized why I made you remember.” The priest said and let the torch fall to the ground. “you figured out who i am.” They asked and walked through the rising flames towards them, only proving what Gamzee had already feared. Nothing of this was real. Not the crowd. Not the execution. Not even the crows in the sky. Rage had created this illusion for him by using their chuckle voodoo.

Harshly he shook his head, trying his best not to figure out who stood their before him, for if he did... he would lose them again!

Cold fingers touched his face and made him look up. “please gamzee. i don't want to be this distorted version of myself anymore.” They said and lay their forehead against his. “i don't want to hurt you anymore. you are my best friend, my master, my everything. please free me of this curse the puppet lay on me so long ago. please let me be me again.”

Roughly he shook his head. “I can't, for if I do I will lose you, won't I?!”Cold fingers took hold of his hand. “unfortunately yes. but that doesn't mean everything has to end. a part of me will always stay with you. so please could you set me free.” A soft kiss was pressed to his cheek. “please gamzee say my real name and let me be them again.”

He shook his head even more roughly. How could he set them free, right after he found them again. Why couldn't they just stay with him. Why... why... why.  
“please gamzee,” They said again and he knew he couldn't keep them.  
“Moon.” He whispered and tried to keep the tears at bay. “Your name is Moon and you are my beloved Familiar.”

“thank you gamzee.” Moon said and smiled at him as their body started to dissolve. “i'm really glad that i got to be your familiar and spend all this time with you” They told him and kissed his forehead. “i will never forget all the memories we created together and maybe someday, i can be your familiar once again.... i think i would really like that.”

As they vanished they only left one black feather behind and Gamzee swore to himself that he would keep it forever.

 

++++

He wasn't even done brushed the tears from his eyes, before a fist connected with his face and sent him to the ground. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.” Silence screamed from the top of their lungs and hit him again.

“DON'T YOU DARE TO MOVE.” They hissed and their eyes turned completely purple, as they looked at Equius, freezing them in place. “THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND MY FUCKING BROTHER. SO DON'T YOU DARE GETTING INVOLVED.”

Again and again Silence punched him, until his face was hot and hurt like all fucking hell. Then they closed their hands around his neck and scream. “SO THIS IS HOW YOU FUCKING REPAY ME FOR ALL THAT I HAVE DONE FOR YOU?! FUCKING IS IT?!” Their eyes were filled with rage and their normally calm personality was completely gone. “WHO DO YOU THINK IT WAS THAT TOOK OVER EVERY TIME YOU COULDN'T HANDLE THE PAIN ANYMORE. WHO DO YOU THINK IT WAS THAT GOT YOU OUT OF ALL THESE STUPID SITUATIONS YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO. WHO DO YOU THINK IT WAS THAT TOOK OVER EVERY TIME THE DARKNESS OF THE FRIDGE BECAME TO MUCH FOR YOU AND LET YOU REST.” Sharp claws dug into his flesh and it hurt. “I SUFFERED SO MUCH FOR YOU, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE ME IN RETURN?! FUCKING ANNIHILATE ME THE SECOND I AM NOT USEFULL TO YOU ANYMORE: HOW DO YOU THINK THIS IS FAIR?!”

“Sun.” He whispered through broken gasps and Silence recoiled from him, as thought burned.  
“HOW DARE YOU USING THAT NAME OT ADDREESS ME” They screamed and for a moment he expected them to strangle him again, but instead they hugged him.  
“how fucking dare you” Sun whispered again and when they pulled back, he saw the tears in their eyes. “Sun,” he whispered and pulled them back into the hug.

“i don't wanna go.” Sun confessed and lay their head against his shoulder. “i'm scared of what will become of me. i'm scared of dying.” They whispered and he didn't know what to say to that. Was there even anything he could say to that? “Sun.. I...” he whispered, but Sun interrupted him. “you still bound to the lord of time, aren't you?” They asked and after a moment of hesitation he nodded his head, not understanding where Sun was going with this. “Yes, but I don't...” Once more Sun interrupted him. “i can't bring you the documents that bind you to him, but i can create a illusionary reality in which you can find and destroy these cursed documents.”

Tightly Sun held on to him. “it can be my parting gift, but i want something in return.”  
“Everything.” He replied without a second thought, for he would do everything for Sun.  
“Could you please hold me like this till it's over? i'm scared of dying but having you here with me makes it a bit more... bearable.”  
“Of course.” He answered instantly and tried to keep himself from crying.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all of you :) :) :)


	24. Chapter 24

The room was cast in darkness as he lay there on the cold bed and held on to his beloved Familiars. “What a lovely day it is, ain't it?” He whispered as he petted Sun and Moon. Giving his all not to notice that they weren't moving. “Yes the fucking best day of all.”

Bright yellow light fell into the room as the door to his prison opened.  
In stepped a man dressed in green and he pressed himself closer to the wall.  
“So you are still holding on to these stupid toys.” Doc Scratch asked, but he didn't reply. Hoping that they would lose interest. “Don't you think you are a little to old to play with plush toys? Or do you still believe that they once were real?”

“Neither.” He whispered and added even more quietly. “you killed them, because they were to much of an 'inconvenience' to you.”  
When Doc Scratch lend down to him, he shut his eyes and prayed that this would end soon. “Is that so? Can you prove it? Because if not you are just speaking lies and you know that we can't have that.” Cold fingers brushed through his hair. “Your family payed good money to let you stay in this institution for the mentally unstable, maybe you should be more grateful. After all they send you here to forget what a failure you turned out to be. Isn't that right?”

Roughly he bite his lips and remained silent.  
The grip on his hair tightened and he was being pulled up by them. “Tell me what did you do to end up in this place.” Doc Scratch said and stared him down with these cold green eyes.

“I want to know everything!”

+++

Cold rain fell down from the sky and made him shiver. His clothes were drenched in water, but still he was wandering through these dirty parts of the city, for he couldn't go home yet. Red and green street-lights were shinning down on him and it was all a blur.

His head was buzzing for all the alcohol and other things he had taken, but still he felt so very cold.  
There was nothing that could warm him anymore for his source of warmth had left him long ago.  
He was freezing.

His socks were drenched in water and he had no clue were his shoes had gone. But then again it didn't really matter anymore, now did it? He couldn't really tell. .  
Soft music filled his ear and he followed the sound without thought. Maybe there would be people there that could make him fell less lonely. It was worth a shot and anyway it wasn't like he had anything better to do.

The music grew louder and soon he found the place where it was coming from. Cheerily he walked toward the door, but upon entering he was pushed backwards and fell into a puddle of water.  
“Go home kid you are far to young for this place.” Someone told him and upon looking up he found a tall man blocking his way. A bouncer?

Without much thought he pulled his ID from his jacket and handed it to the bouncer. At first the man looked rather unwillingly to take it, but then they read his name and their face became pale. His dad was rather infamous throughout the whole city, so normally no one dared to deny him anything.

“Look kid, I still don't think this is the right place for you. Man and women come here to get a little 'alone-time' with the members of this club, if you know what I mean.”  
He didn't really understand why the man put the 'alone-time' in air-quotes, but it sounded rather lovely. He wouldn't mind spending some time alone with these nice looking ladies and gentleman.

Before he could give his answer, a nice looking lady stepped into the conversation and took over.  
“Oh my what do we have here. A young Makara all drenched from the rain, why don't you come inside and I will help you dry up.” The woman said. She had long black hair and smelled really nice. Her dress was rather revealing, but still looked really elegant and nice. He instantly liked her.

“By the way, you can call me Vriska.” She said and helped him stand up. “But oh my, your hair looks rather wild.” She commented and gently brush through it. He found the sensation to be really nice, especially because it was such a change in pace. His mother had died giving birth to him and the closes his father ever came to care for him, was when they hit him for doing something wrong. So being cared for felt really good to him.

“So tell me what is the young prince of the purple-bloods doing here?” She asked, but then decided for a different approach. “Or wait don't answer just yet. Lets first get inside and warm you up.”  
A hand was held out to him and he took it eagerly, thankful for the physical connection with this nice Lady.

The soft aroma of roses filled the air as he followed the women into the nicely decorated bar and took in all these fine dressed ladies and gentleman that served the costumers of this club. All of them were so pretty.

“Here sit down.” The nice lady told him once they entered what appeared to be her office.  
A cup hot chocolate was handed to him once he had set down and he wondered how this lady knew that hot chocolate was his favorite.

“So now tell me what brings a young lord like you into this part of town?”  
“Can I join.” The question had passed his lips before he even thought about it, but then again he wouldn't have taken it back even if he could. He really wanted to be part of this club. It seemed really nice here.

“Well you are a bit young to join this line of work, but maybe we can make an exception for you? Have you ever had sex before?” Confused he shook his head and she smirked.

What he hadn't realized back then - but became rather obvious as the years passed- was that Vriska intended to make full profit of the fact that he was a minor, a purple-blood and a prince. She even recorded every intercourse he had with one of his costumer and sold it to these people that couldn't afford to by a night with the 'prince'. He never even saw a fifth of all that money.

“Oh sex is a wonderful thing. It's the closest two people can ever get to being the same being. It's wonderful. It's an transcendent experience that fills the whole in your heart and makes you feel loved.”  
“Loved?!” He asked longingly and warm hands touched his shoulders. “Oh yes my dear, it makes you feel so loved and appreciated that you will wonder how you could ever life without this feeling.” She told him and he leaned in to her touch.“I can teach you all these things you need to know to make everyone fall for you. So what do you say?!”

“Please teach me everything you know.” He begged and her smile grew wider.

++++

 

For three years he worked under Vriskas 'care' and truthfully it were one of the best years of his life.  
The other club members were really nice and his costumers weren't half bad. He had a room all to him self and therefore a place he could go to when his own father was even more unstable than normally.

 

“What am I to you?” It was one of his regulars that asked him this question. Like always they hid their face behind a fancy looking mask, to keep their identity hidden. Privacy was really important for most of his customers and this one payed enough that Gamzee would never dare to ask them to take off their mask and beside it gave his guest this mysterious aura he liked.

Unlike most of the other rooms his held an large piano and many bookshelves with all the stories and theoretical books this guest that stood before him bought and read to him. They had a really nice voice and he liked listening to them.  
Of course it was strange that his guest went to go to a brothel and got the most expensive prostitute, only to read him stories or teaching him how to play the piano. But then again they spend enough money that he didn't question them.

“Is there a specific emotion you want me to display in regards to you.” He asked, trying to use fancy words for he knew that his customer liked them.  
“No! That is not what I want and you know that perfectly well.” His customer replied and he set down on his large double-bed with a deep sigh. He had bought a nice looking blue dessou just for tonight and his customer didn't even seem to notice it, how mean. “Then tell me what it is you want from me.”

“I want...,” They began, but then shook their head in frustration. “Just forget it. I shouldn't have came here.” They told him and took their jacket in a swift motion, making their way to door.  
Roughly he grabbed their arm and stopped them from leaving. He was becoming rather frustrated himself now.

“You knew who I am when you came here. You knew that this is my line of work. So what did you expect me to answer? That I love you and will go anywhere with you? Sorry to break it to you but you had that chance when we were younger and you ran away instead.”

Slowly he let go of the others arm and force the rage to subside. Yes it had hurt a lot when they left him before, but truthfully he didn't wish them to leave again and so he needed to let go of his rage. After counting to 10 he felt a bit more stable.

Gently he took the mask from them and revealed the face of his childhood friend.  
“I have missed you too, Equius.” He said and kissed his old friend.

“When did you figure it out?” Equius asked and he had to smile.  
“I knew it since the first time you came here.” He replied and threw the mask and the fake horns on the bed. “You can change you appearance and you can change your voice, but if you don't make any afford to hide your stuck up personality that really doesn't account to much.”

“I'm not stuck up.” Equius countered and his smile widened.  
“You berated Lady Vriska on how to run her business the first time you came here.” He said and watched his friends face gained color.

“I never did such a thing, beside...” They began, but he interrupted them. “You just weren't okay that she took much of my profit for herself.” He finished his sentence and set back down on his bed. “I know that many people think that I am not the smartest and maybe they are right. But I got good education and I do understand more than I let on. Most of the time I just don't care enough to make a fuss about things like that. She gives me enough money as is and anyway this job was never about the money to begin with.”

“Then why do you work here?”

Thoughtfully he hummed to himself and looked up to the purple ceiling. Every room held the colors of the person occupying it. “I like it here.” He finally answered and closed his eyes. “I like making others feel good and I enjoy the physical contact. I feel less lonely here and I enjoy providing company for those that are lonely like me.” In a quieter voice he added. “I also do enjoy sex and I like living out these fantasies and kinks my costumers provide me with. I don't really cared if I am told to play a power-hungry purpleblood that uses them like a lowblood whore, or be the frightened Highblood that is used like a bucket bitch after the regime was overthrown and the lowbloods are now the ruling cast. I like all of these fantasies and I don't really care if they want to fuck me or get fuck by me. Both of these things can be fun.”

Equius looked appalled and he couldn't help but laugh. “Well not everyone can be as much of a prude as you are. Besides I have a feeling that you are also rather kinky when it comes down to it?”

“Do you really like it here?” Equius asked and after a moment he nodded his head.  
“Of course there are some customers that aren't so nice, but overall I really like it. So no, you don't have to rescue me.”

“I never...” Equius began, but he gave them a knowing glance that made them admit.“Okay maybe I had this idea of saving you from this disgusting place and take you home with me. I just can't stand that a prince like you lives in a place like this.”  
“Speak for yourself heir of the blue throne. You were always more of a prince than I ever was. So the real question would be, what are you doing here?”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room.  
“Gamzee, I have a question.” Equius said and he gestured for them to continue. “You said that I left you behind, but this is not how I remember it.”

“Really? Because I remember clearly how you left me from one day to the next and told me that you just couldn't stand being in my presence anymore.” He snapped and Equius lowered his eyes as they replied. “That was only because you declared that you would never want to marry someone like me. And I know that I have many flaws and such, but I thought we had a connection and that you liked me. So it hurt a lot when I heard you say that.”

Confused he looked at the blue-blood. “When would I have all but ever said that?”  
Equius lay his arms around himself, before answering. “I was there on the day you and your father had a shouting match about the arranged marriage between us. You screamed from the top of your lungs that you would never agree to something like that.”

Now that the blue-blood brought it up he remember. It had been one of the worst fights he had with his father that far and the imprint of their hand could be seen for an entire week. “You actually got the point of the argument wrong.” He declared and Equius gave him a hateful look. “Yeah right, because me hearing you say that you never ever want to marry me leaves so much room for interpretation.”

“That actually wasn't the point of the argument. It was the arranged marriage that concerned me.” He gave back and Equius look turned to one of confusion and he continued. “I didn't wanted there to be an arranged marriage between us, because I knew you would fulfill your duty whether you wanted to or not. I didn't just wanted you to marry me because our fathers thought it would be a good political move and force this wedding on you. I wanted it to be the real thing and not just an obligation you needed to fulfill.”

“You mean...”Equius began and he finished his sentence. “I never would have minded marring you, but I needed to know that it was your own free choice.” Protectively he pulled his legs up to his chest. “You were my best friend, so I just couldn't let them take your choice away.” He explained and lay his head on top of his legs. “All the other kids avoided me afterwards. They came up with rumors of how I killed you and probably made out with your dead corpse. No one wanted to be my friend anymore. They all left me, as soon as you weren't there anymore.”

Roughly he shook his head, for it didn't matter. “So tell me how has your live been in all these years since then?” He asked, but to his surprise he found himself being hugged by the blue-blood. “I'm sorry Gamzee, I shouldn't have left in the way that I did. I should have tried to understand.” Equius said and he let himself be pulled closer to the others chest. He had missed this comforting warmth his friend emitted and he had missed his friend.

“It ain't your fault.” He replied and lay his arms around them, returning the hug. “I should have kept my mouth shut and done what my father wanted me to do.” He said and closed his eyes, taking in the comforting presence of his friend. “Maybe you always had the right idea by doing what the higher ups told you to do.”

The arms around him tightened and to his surprise Equius shook his head. “No, I wasn't!” They declared and the tone of their voice made clear that they had to learn this the hard way. “I wasn't right about many things.” They told him and he nodded in agreement, for he felt the same way.

“Would you leave this place with me if I asked you to do so?” Equius questioned and he nodded his head. Because even though he like this place and my didn't mind his clients, he would so if the blue-blood demeaned it. “Will you all but make me leave this place?” He asked and Equius shook his head.  
“No, I won't.” A soft kiss was placed to his cheek. “Even though I can't say that I agree with this 'business model' I won't make you quite it. You seem to enjoy it and that is good enough for me.”

Gently he brushed the lose strands of hair out of Equius face and kissed him.“ Your hair has gotten a lot longer since when we were kids. I think I like it.” He said and pulled on Equius arm, making him fall onto the bed alongside him. “But now lets do something more fun.”

 

++++

 

Warm hands traced over his body and it was such a wonderful sensation. Gentle kisses where placed  
over his neck and he gave a blissful sigh. “Gamzee.” His name was spoken like a prayer and beautiful blue eyes looked at him. He had missed those eyes.

Carefully he ran his fingers over the others face and tried to memorize it. A soft smile was given in return and he couldn't help but think how good Equius looked when he smiled. He wanted to make them smile more often.

When Equius kissed him all slow and gentle he had to smile, because no other costumer ever treated him like this and truthfully he would have also been annoyedm if they did.  
With Equius it was different, for it only reminded him of all these warm summer night they spend together in the flower garden of their homes. All these nights under the stars, with the beautiful aroma of sunflowers surrounding them. He missed those nights.

“Gamzee?” Softly he hummed in agreement, but didn't opening his eyes for he didn't wish for his beautiful sunflowers to disappear. He could almost teel the warm wind on his skin and see the flowers dance from left to right because of the wind. A soft kiss was placed to his lips and the stars shone brighter. “Are you certain that you want to do this with me?”

Slowly he reopened his eyes and invited Equius to see the world as he saw it. Gently he touched their face and they gave in to his chucklevoodoo, following him back to the place they had visited so long ago. 'Yes I am sure.' He told them through their mental connection and Equius kissed his hand. “Your powers always amaze me past. It is truly a beautiful gift.”

“No it's not.” He replied as he remembered all these times his chucklevoodoo had gotten him into trouble instead of helping him out. “It took me a lot of time and practices to control it in this way and still it doesn't always work in my favor.” He explained and looked up at the beautiful sky. “ My house has the strongest chucklevoodoo of all, but thereby also the most difficult one to control. It's more a curse than a blessing really.”

Roughly he shook his head. “But let's not think out this right now.” He said softly and began to unbuttoned Equius shirt and revealed their muscular body. “Right now I just want to enjoy this.” He told the blue-blood and they kissed him again.

“As you wish my Highblood.”

Warm fingers moved over his naked legs and wandered under the blue costume he had chosen to wear. He gave a surprised moan when Equius touched him through the thin panties and then proceeded to trace the outer lips of his nook.  
“You look very lovely in blue.”Equius told him and he was happy that they finally acknowledge what he was wearing for them. “Thanks. I am glad that you like it. I bought it specifically for you.”

“And were these see-through panties included or did you also chose them for me?” Equius asked and he smirked. “Let's just say I wanted to give you something in return for being such an easy costumer and giving me so much money.”

“Hmm, you are probably right.” Equius said and rubbed his nook. “I guess I wasn't all that hard to please. I mean I was even happy when you didn't fall asleep during one of our history lessons. I never understood why that subject never caught your interest.”

“Because it's fucking boring that's why.” He replied and then gave a surprised yelp when Equius pushed a finger into his nook. “The fuck was that for,” he yelled and another fingers entered him. It was only once he gotten used to the feeling that he realized that this was Equius wordlessly way of scolding him for using such an 'uncivilized' word.

“Really Equius, is this your new form of scolding me now. Putting a finger up my nook ever time I say fuck?”

“Maybe.” The blue-blood replied and then pushed another finger into him and well the feeling wasn't all that bad. Equius blood-color was close to his own while still being a few hues above his, which meant that they emitted a nice warmth to him.  
In truth he only allowed costumers of lower blood, for he liked the warmth they provided him, but unfortunately most of them were to far from his own color and therefore burned him with their touch. Why he himself never gave them frostbites in return was still a mystery to him.

“Did you know, that I actually believed you were a girl when we were younger.” Equius said with a smile, while moving his fingers in and out of him in a leisurely way.

“We trolls do tend to have the same genitals no matter the gender, so I don't really understand what's all the fuss about. But truthfully many people thought that I was a girl. All thanks to my father that put me in dresses, because he wanted me to be a girl. Better to marry off I guess.” He replied and Equius smile fell. “Though I have to say that you looked really lovely in those purple harlequins and dresses, I am sorry to hear that your father force you to wear them. If I had know I would have...”

“Done nothing because he is your superior and you wouldn't have dared to question them.” He replied and Equius fell silent for they knew he was right. Gently he kissed their face. “Don't worry about it. I really didn't mind wearing them, for I found them pretty and I'm happy to hear that you liked them too.” A soft smile returned to Equius face and he was glad about it.

The moon was high up in the sky and the stars reminded him of all these things he wanted to forget.  
No he hadn't minded that his father put him into dresses, but he had minded many other things they did to him. So why was it that he was still wished for their approval. Why couldn't he just let it go.

“Ever since you left me, I felt so very cold inside.” He confessed and looked at the yellow sunflowers that appeared so happy. “You always let me hug you when I was feeling cold, but then you left and their was no one else that cared enough about me to chased this cold emptiness away.”

Carefully he ran his fingers through his best friends hair and marvels at it's soft texture. His own hair never play by the rules and always did whatever it wanted to do. It was really fascinating how different they were.

“Could you help me feel warm? Could you put your bulge inside my nook and give me your warm genetic material.”

His nook clenched in on itself, when Equius pulled his fingers from him and left him empty. He felt the distressed rhythm in which his nook pulsated as it searched for the comforting warmth it had been provided with. He felt cold again.

“Is that really what you want.” Equius asked and he nodded his head.  
A soft kiss was place to his hand. “Then I will fulfill your wish as best as I can, my Highblood,” Equius told him and in the next moment he felt a warm wetness press against his nook.  
Blue genetic material dripped down on him and he sighed from the warmth it provided.

“Please Equius don't make me wait any longer,” he begged and a wonderful warmth flooded his senses as the blue bulge made its way inside him. Soft moans of pleasure fell from his lips with ever centimeter it conquered and forced itself deeper inside him. It was magnificent. It was wonderful. His entire body was singing from the warmth Equius gave him.

He sighed in delight as Equius reached the end of his nook but still kept on going, stretching is nook to an extend he hadn't thought possible. Everything was warm and pulsating and he couldn't get enough of it. He felt the blue-bloods bulge move deep inside him, trying to get more room for itself, but there just wasn't any more room to cover. He felt full and warm and it was so very wonderful.

He felt his nook clench up, when Equius pulled him into a hug.  
Now not only was his inside being warmed by the blue-blood's bulge, but also his outer body by the blue-blood himself. It was a blissful feeling and he needed more of it.

“Equius,” He whispered and the other held him even closer. “I'm here Gamzee and I swear this time I will not leave you behind.” The blue-blood promised him, while their bulge moved inside of him, making everything feel to real. His nook pulsate like crazy and he felt overwhelmed by it all.

“I will never leave you behind again.” Equius whispered and he couldn't help but whimper, when their bulge left his body. “No matter what.” Equius told him and he his eyes rolled back into his head, when they pushed all the way into him. Forcing their huge bulge into his nook in one go. They were just so huge and thick, overflown his senses with pure white pleasure. And he couldn't speak, he couldn't think. All he knew was that he needed more.

“I will stay with you as long as you want me too.” Equius told him, as they pushed into him again, making him shiver in delight. Over and over again Equius pushed into his nook, while telling him how much they had missed him and how they would do everything for him. He never wanted it to stop.

“But most of all I wanted to tell you...” Deep blue eyes looked at him and warm hand took hold of his face. “...how much I love you.” Warm lips touched his and he felt his nook clench up one last time before released his genetic material. “I love you too, Equius.” He whispered in reply and apparently that was enough to push the blue blood over the edge as well for he felt their genetic material fill him only seconds later.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” He asked for Equius normally always left him before dawn, but to his delight they nodded their head this time around.  
“Of course I will."

 


	25. Chapter 25

Amused green eyes watched him as he ate his toast. It was kind of unnerving.   
“So Gamzee that's quite the interesting combination you got there.”Meulin hummed and he looked at his toast. “I don't understand what you are going on about. I always eat my toast with chocolate and strawberry jam.” He replied, before taking another bite. 

“Actually you have only been doing so since a week.” She countered and then changed the subject, before he could answered. “I also noticed that you were quite sick this morning, just like you have been this entire week.” She grin and a sick feeling made itself know in his stomach. “Could it be that you are...” Quickly he stood up, making certain to be loud enough to make her stop talking. 

“Sorry I forgot that I need to...“ Fuck he needed a good explanation. “... to take my medicine before breakfast. I will be back in a minute.”   
“Stay!” His fathers voice boomed through the room and he froze in place. Cold purple eyes stared him down and he set back in his chair, having learned his lesson of always obeying his father long ago.

Meulins grin had vanished and it seemed like she only realized now what kind of situation she had got him in. Kurloz whispered reassuring words into her ear, but her expression remained somber.

“I noticed that you have been gone from your room very often these past month, especially throughout the nights. Wanna tell me where you up and go.” His fathers voice was cold and accusing and he sank deeper into his chair.   
“You know that I suffer from insomnia from time to time. You allowed me to visit the gardens on nights like that and that's what I have been doing.” Harshly he dug his nails into his skin, trying to keep himself from shacking under his fathers stern gaze.

“STOP LYING!” His father screamed and he jolted upright in his seat. “Did you really think I wouldn't figured out that you're working in a sex-club? That you're a fucking prostitute that spreads his legs for ever god forsaken low-blood that comes your way and now managed to get yourself pregnant by one of these dirt-bloods.” 

“I..” He began, but his father interrupted him.   
“GET OUT!” They growled and he sprang to his feet, happy to leave this 'conversation' behind.   
“NOT YOU, EVERYONE ELSE!” His father snapped and he could only watch in panic how everyone else left him behind. Meulin and Kurloz sent him apologetic gazes, before leaving. 

“Father I...” He tried again, but was once more silenced.   
“Come here.” 

He followed the order obediently and tired purple eyes looked at him, as he set down.   
“You know what kind of question it will raise when you show up being pregnant, but having no partner in sight? What kind of reputation it will give our entire house?” His father asked and he lowered his gaze in shame. He hadn't wished to disappoint them. “I'm sorry.” He whispered quietly and they gave a deep sigh. 

“Do you have an idea who it could be?”  
Roughly he bite his lip, for he knew who he wanted these kids to belong to, but truthfully he couldn't tell for sure.  
“Well in that case an abortion would be the best solution.” His father said when he remained silent for to long and all the blood vanished from his face. “Father I don't want to...”  
“YOU STILL LIVE IN MY HOUSE AND THEREFORE LIVE UNDER MY RULES. AND IF I TELL YOU TO GET A FUCKING ABORTION YOU WILL FUCKING DO SO.”

He sat there in shocked silence as his father stood up and told him that he would make an appointment at the clinic. He didn't want to lose his grubs.

Numbly he stood up and left the dinning room in the direction of his room.  
In the hallway he encountered some maids that hastily made their retreat, apparently having eavesdropped on the conversation he just had with his father.   
Should they gossip all they wanted. He had already hated them anyway. 

Mindlessly he followed the hallways and wondered what he should do now.   
A cold winter wind pushed past him as he stepped into the gardens and followed the path he had taken so many times before. When he found an old stone bench he set down on it and let the information's sink in. His father wanted him to have an abortion. He wanted him to give up on the family he didn't even have yet. It just wasn't fair.   
Yes he hadn't meant to get pregnant, but now that he was, he didn't want to lose them. He already felt attached to the little eggs that were growing in his belly and he didn't wanted to let go of them. 

“Hello who is this?” The voice of his friend sounded through the speaker and it was only then that he realized that he had taken out his phone and dialed Equius number. “Hey this is Gamzee... Do you have time tonight? I would need someone to talk too.”

“Did something happen? Did you have another fight with your father?” Equius asked concerned and nodded his head, but then realized that Equius couldn't see him. “Yes, in a way. So do you have time?”   
A long pause followed and he heard the rustling of paper.“I'm currently at work, so it will take a few more hours till I can leave. Does 9pm work for you?” 

“Yeah 9 is great. Could you please pick me up at my dad's house?”  
“Of course. Then we will see each other at 9.”   
“Yeah see you later.” He replied and then hung up, for he knew Equius wouldn't do so on his own for they were far to worried to hanging up on him.

Slowly he lay down on the cold bench and watched the frozen landscape that lay before him. He only had to wait a few more hours and then everything would be alright again. Everything would turn out fine. Right? 

+++ 

Warm fingers touched his face and he slowly opened his eyes. “Equius,” He asked tiredly and reached for the person that stood before him. “Almost, but not quite.” They said and he gave a surprised yelp when they picked him up. “But seriously Gamzee, you're just like your father. Always making me worry.” Darkleer said and he mumbled a quite apology for he hadn't meant to trouble them.

“There's no need for apologies, but could you tell me what you are doing out here in the cold?” They asked and he looked around around in confusion. He was still in the gardens, but somehow it had turned into nighttime. Had he fallen asleep? 

His fingers felt numb and he could barely move them.   
“You had another fight with your father, didn't you?” Darkleer concluded and there was no point in denying it.

“In a way...” He replied and knew he should tell the blue-blood to finally let him down, but it felt nice being carried around and it wasn't like he cause the blue-blood any trouble with it. They were strong enough to carrying him for hours so a few minutes shouldn't be a problem.

“So what has the fight been about this time around.” Darkleer asked, as they opened the door to the entrance hall and carried him inside.   
“just the same as always. i keep on disappointing him and he keeps on hatting me for killing his wife.“ 

A long moment of silence followed. “Do you really think he holds you responsible for the death of his wife.”  
“Doesn't everyone.” He replied bitterly and motioned for the blue-blood to let him down. Unfortunately Darkleer had the same approach to orders as Equius, meaning they loved following them until they spontaneously decided to not do it any longer.

“It is true that your mothers death has caused your father great pain, but he knows that it's not your fault that she died giving birth to you and he doesn't blame you for it... He could never hate you.”

Disdainful laughter rolled over his lips. Yeah right as if his father could feel anything but hatred for him.  
“You don't believe me.” Darkleer realized and he closed his eyes. “No, I guess I don't.”   
“Then you leave me no other choice, then to prove it to you.” Darkleer explained and at first he was confused when they walked faster, but then the panic set in when he realized where they were taking him. 

“What are you doing?!” He hissed when they were only a few feet from his fathers office and the blue-blood still hadn't let him down.   
“You won't believe my words, so I will make you listen to your fathers own words instead.” Darkleer declared and that was when the panic fully set in. He wasn't ready to face his father yet again. 

“My father will never...” He started, but Darkleer interrupted him. “Just pretend that you are still asleep.” They told him and before he had time to argue, they had already knocking on his fathers door and he decided it would be better to play along than having another fight. 

His heart was at 100 miles a second when the door opened and he got 'introduced' to a side of his father he had never known before. “Where did you find him? He looks so pale. Is he okay?”The tone in which his father spoke surprised him. It almost sounded... like they were worried. But that couldn't be. 

A cold hand was pressed to his forehead and he had to keep himself from moving away. “His skin is colder than it should be. Please lay him down on the couch. I will order for warm blankets.”  
After a while of rustling and shuffling he found himself wrapped in warm blankets and had a hard time believing that the person that was currently doing his best to take care of him, could be his father.

He didn't have much time to think about it, before the conversation started again.   
“Will he be okay?”   
“Yes this time he should be okay, but my Highblood I am still very concerned for his well-being. I found him out there in the cold and he must have been there for at least 3 hours. We can be lucky that nothing happened to him, but next time it might be different. Did you have another fight with him?” 

“Yeah.. I think I kinda did.” A long moment of silence followed. “I just don't know what to do with him anymore. I find it difficult to even be in the same room with him.” His fathers confessed, then they added in a quieter voice. “He just reminds me so much of my dead wife. He has her eyes and the same reckless nature she had. And i'm afraid of losing him too, yet I can't even make him understand how much he means to me. I really fail at being a father, don't I.” 

“What has the fighting been about this time around.” Darkleer asked and heat rush to his face as he realized that his father was going to tell them about the 'job' he did. God he didn't want them to know, yet the only option he had to stop it would be to 'wake up' and that wasn't something he wanted to do. 

“You know how Gamzee has been going and working at this sex-club I told you about.” More heat rushed to his face, as he realized that Darkleer already knew.   
“Yes I remember. I offered to talk with him about it, but you said that he was old enough to make his own decisions and that he would only do something even more reckless if you told him to stop.”

There was a tiredness in his fathers voice he had never heard before when they answered. “And you agreed to let it be, for you knew that I was right. The more I try to keep him at my side, the more he is pushing me away.” A sharp tired laughter filled the room. “Do you remember the time I tried to make him marry Equius, because your son has always being good at talking common sense into him. Remember how that ended.” 

“I remember, but that doesn't explain what today's conflict was about.”   
A deep sigh came from his father. “He got himself pregnant and I maybe suggested that he should think about an abortion.”  
“And with suggested you mean you order him to get an abortion or you would throw him out of the house, right?!” 

Low grumbles followed. “Yeah I guess I did that. But it was a shock to find out and you know I'm not good with dealing with such surprises.”  
“What was the first thought that went through your head when your realized that your son was pregnant?”

“How my wife did giving birth to him and that I might lose him in the same way.” A deep sigh followed, then his father continued. “I will speak with him again and this time let him decide what to do, instead of telling him what to do... Thanks for listing, Darkleer.”

“Always my Highblood.“   
“And how is your son doing? You said you are worried about him.” 

Gamzee's heart-beat quickened. Was Equius alright. Was he in danger? Why was Darkleer worried about him.  
“I still don't really know what's going on with him. He's stressed out and I know there is something on his mind, but he doesn't talk to me. I fear...”Before Darkleer could finish their sentence, a knock sounded on the door and the conversation ended.


	26. Chapter 26

Thoughtfully he looked out at the river that lay before him and found a lone swan gliding over the cold water, locking for something to eat in this cold season.  
So many people passed him by without noticing the beauty this world had to offer. To busy going somewhere. To busy doing something.

 _If only they could see..._  
Slowly he dragged the knife across his hand and let a the blood drip down to the waters surface. Upon contact it was the water that expanded out to all sides in order to get away from his blood and an empty white spot was left behind where he had destroyed the illusion of this world.  
_…how magnificent this world truly was._

 _I will leave you a world behind in which you can find the documents Doc Scratch made you sign. If you manage to destroy them you should be free of his hold._ He remembered Sun say. “But where do I find them.” He asked and looked up at the sky.“I can’t find any signs of Doc Scratch and the longer I stay here the more I forget that this world isn't real. I just don't know what to do anymore.” He confessed as watched the clouds drift by, wishing they would give him an answers, but of course they didn't.  
A cold winter wind moved past him and he found it difficult to accept that none of this was real.  
“I fear Gamzee has already forgotten what we are searching for and I don’t know if I should tell him.” He confessed as the white clouds continued drifting over the sky. “Ever since the game ended he has been so lost. The guilt of what he had done pulling him down. But this world could be our new beginning. A place in which we can start over over again.” Slowly he closed his eyes and asked the question that had been on his mind for a while now. “Would it be alright if I forget as well and let us start over.”  
Suddenly his phone started to ring and his eyes snapped back open. Who could be calling him right now?  
When he looked at the display he found “Meulin Lejion” written on it.  
“Hello Meulin.” He ask warily and search in his memories what kind of connection this worlds Equius had with the Heart-Player. With a bit of astonishment he realized that they were moirails and a sad little smile appeared on his face as he understood that Gamzee was still not able to forgive himself for what he had done to his real moirail and therefore wasn't able to let her memories enter this world.

“Hi Equius I might have done something bad.” Meulin told him and concern filled his heart.  
“What happened?” He asked carefully and then heard her mumble something on the other end of the line. “What? I couldn't understand a single word. Could you speak up?” When she remained silent he tried a different strategy. “I can't help you if you won't tell me what happened. You know that I could never be angry with you, so please just tell me what you did.”

A deep sigh could be heard from the other side of the line. “I might have gotten Gamzee into trouble by saying something I shouldn't have.” She finally confessed and his concern grew.

“What did you say?”  
“I might blurted out that he's pregnant.” Meulin declared and suddenly he felt dizzy.  
None of the people in this world were real so the Highblood couldn't get pregnant by sleeping with them. The only other person that was truly real in this world was… him. Which meant that Gamzee was pregnant with his grubs.

Slowly he set down on a nearby bench and let the information sink in.  
He had always wanted to have a family with his beloved Highblood, but never dared to imagine that this fantasy could become a reality. But now it was true, he didn't know how to deal with it.

“I couldn't help my self. I found the idea of my little brother in law being pregnant just so adorable and I just couldn't keep the information to myself anymore.” Meulin defended herself, when he took to long to answer and then asked him what had truly bothered her.“Do you think he hates me now?“  
Roughly he shook his head, but then remembered that she couldn't see him. “No, I doubt it. Gamzee isn't someone that hates anyone easily and I think he knows that you didn't mean any harm with it. But if you feel better I can tell him that you are sorry and give you his answer afterwards. I was on my way to mansion of the Makaras anyway, so it wouldn't be a problem.”  
“Yeah that would be great.” She whispered and then added. “Could you maybe come see me afterwards as well? I am at the Makara's house as well so you won't have to go far...”  
“Of course I will. But just so you know I would travel the whole world just to see you, because after all you are my beloved...” A picture of his real moirail flickered in front of his eyes and he couldn't finish his sentence.  
“Thank you, Equius. I love you too.” Broken conversation could be heard from the other side of the phone. “Sorry I have to hang up now, Kurloz is asking me to come help looking for Gamzee. See you in a while.”

“Wait why are you looking for Gamzee.” He asked, but Meulin had already hung up and now only the dial tone could be heard. For a moment he thought about calling her back, but then decided against it. He was on his way to the Makaras anyway, so he could simply ask her in person once he got there.

With a pained moan he stood up from the cold hard bench and made himself on the way to waved down a taxi. Once he had done so he told the driver where to go, set down in the passenger seat and returned to his own thoughts. Had Gamzee wanted to tell him about the pregnancy when he had called before? It was possible and maybe he should have gone to the Makara's straight way instead of chasing for Doc-Scratch documents yet again. Not that he could change it anymore.  
A black bird flew past the window and it reminded of Moon.  
Where were Gamzee's familiars anyway?  
If this truly was a world Sun created through the Highbloods powers, why didn't he include himself in this world.  
It was strange to say the least or could it be that Gamzee remember on some level that they died and therefore couldn't include them in this world? ...That was possible.

As he reached the building on top of the hill he paid the taxi-driver and bid them farewell.  
_Will my Highblood admit that he is pregnant with my grubs or will he lie and say that they are from someone else._ He wondered as he made his way through the snow and towards the huge building.  
Once he reached the front door he took a moment to prepare himself for the conversations that would follow and then knocked on the door. It was Meulin that opened him and he smiled at her, but then the concern returned when she didn't smile back. “Hi Equius.” She said quietly and slightly hiding behind the door.  
“What happened?” He asked quietly and she lowered her gaze.

“Remember how I said that me and Kurloz are looking for Gamzee?” She asked and he nodded his head.  
“Back than I thought he was hiding somewhere in this house from his father, but apparently he has been outside and I fear that he might be suffering hypothermia now. I really don't know. Darkleer has found him and immediately carried him to the Grand-Highbloods studies, so I assume that it must have been something really bad...”

Fear filled his heart and he automatically started to ran to the Grand-Highbloods study room. He heard Meulin call after him, but he didn't care to listen. His Highblood was in trouble and it was his fault for waited so long to show up. How could he have been so focused on finding these stupid documents when his Highblood had needed him in the here and now.

“Where is Gamzee?” He asked frantically as he entered the Highbloods studies and two sets of eyes looked at him with surprise. “I was told that I would find…” He began, but then found the person lying on the couch and rushed over to his beloved Highblood.

Quickly he checked the purple-bloods vitals and thereby notice something he couldn’t quite understand. The Highblood was fine, awake even, but pretended to be asleep… why?  
Confused he looked at his father and the sheepish smile on the older Void-Players face only made his confusion grow.  
Well whatever his Highblood was fine and that was the only thing that really mattered.  
“I was so worried about you.” He confessed and pressed a soft kiss to the Highbloods forehead.  
“Please don't ever do something like this again.” He begged and kissed them again.

“Wait a minute, are you and my son back together?” The Grand-Highblood asked and it was only now that he truly noticed the older Makara's presence.  
“Yes we are.” He replied calmly and waited for Gamzee to deny his statement, but when they didn't do so he continued.  
“And I'm also the one that got him pregnant. And yes I will take full responsibility of what I have done and make certain that my Highblood has everything he needs.”

“and the two of you couldn't have decided to stay together sooner?” He heard the Grand-Highblood grumble to himself, before his father stepped into the conversation. “Well that's great news, isn't it? Gamzee is as alright as he can be from sleeping outside. Our sons are back together. And we finally don't have to talk about how you want to marry Gamzee off anymore.”

Before he could get a word in, he noticed the look his father gave him and knew that he should follow their next 'order'. “So why don’t you carry Gamzee up to his room and make sure that he is comfortable, while I talk with my moirail about these new developments?” His father said and he nodded his head.

“Yes father, I will do that.” He promised and picked Gamzee up. Once they where far enough from the Grand-Highbloods study he asked. “Will you explain to me why you pretend to be asleep?” For a moment it appeared like Gamzee wanted to keep up his act even while being figured out, but then he finally opened their eyes and pouted. “Your father tricked me into a situation were I had no other choice than to go along with his stupid plan. Void-Players can be such a pain to deal with.”  
“I figured as much, but that doesn't explain what the two of you tried to achieve with it?”  
“Well I didn't try to achieve anything but...”Gamzee’s expression turned soft and they smiled up at him as they said. “Thanks to your father I know now that he doesn't hate me.”

For a moment he didn't know what to reply, because he didn't understand who Gamzee was talking about, but then he searched the memories of this worlds Equius and connected the dots.  
“Your father?” He asked carefully and then couldn't help but smile when Gamzee gave him a happy expression.

The Highblood was always so very beautiful, when they smiled their whole body seemed to shine and he couldn't help but kiss them again. “I love you.” He whispered against their lips, but then noticed with surprise how the Highblood turned away from him. “Gamzee...?” He asked carefully, as they turned their head further away from him.

“You do know that these grubs might not be yours, right?” The purple-blood said and he finally understood. Gamzee could be so silly at times.  
Gently he lay the purple-blood down on their bed and wrapped them in warm blankets. “They are mine. And even if they weren't, I would still love them and help you raise them... That is if you allow me to do so.”

“Why?” Gamzee asked and he kissed them anew. “Because I love you.” He said matter of fact and saw the Highblood's face turn purple. 'Why do you always have to be such a fucking romantic.' Gamzee grumbled to himself and he set down beside them on the bed. “Well the real question would be, why do you feel the need to sleep outside in the cold even though you know that it's dangerous. And why Sun and Moon didn't try to stop you.” He knew that it was risky to talk about the Highbloods Familars like this, but maybe he could bring them back into this world by making Gamzee realize that they once existed.  
“Sun and Moon?” Gamzee said quietly and it was just like he had expected. When the Highblood accepted this place as his new reality, he was forced to forget many things of his former life.  
“Don't you remember them?” He asked carefully and watched the Highbloods face. “They were those two tiny animals we once found on our expeditions through the woods. A small white kitten and a little black bird, cuddling together under the roots of a dead tree, looking helpless and lost. You took them in and after a while they began following you everywhere. The tree of you looked so adorable together.”  
“My Familiars.” Gamzee finally whispered and looked at him with wide eyes. “I remember them! They are my Familiar.” Helplessly Gamzee looked around. “But where did they go?!” He asked quietly and he shook his head.  
“I don't know, but maybe you could call for them? That always worked didn't it?”

To his relief Gamzee nodded his head and said. “Yeah that's it. How could I forget.”Cold fingers took hold of his hand hand and he helped the Highblood sit up. “Thanks for helping me remembered, Equius.” Gamzee told him and his eyes shut on their own accord when they kissed him. He always liked it best when Gamzee was kissing him on their own behalf.  
“Always.” He replied softly once Gamzee had pulled back and couldn't help but fall a little more in love with them when they smiled back at him.

“Sun and Moon I need your help, please hear my voice and come to me.” The Highblood said and both of them waited in anticipation for the Familiars arrival.  
A few seconds passed by but nothing happened, then a few minutes and still there was nothing.  
“Sun and Moon I really need your help,” The Highblood called again and it was only now that Equius realize what a foolish mistakes he had made. Of course he couldn't rewrite the rules of this world and so the only thing he had done was giving the Highblood false hopes. Sun and Moon would never return.

“Sun and Moon I really really need you.” Gamzee called over and over again and felt a little more sick with each time he heard them call out. Just what had he done. How could he be so foolish as to assume that he could change anything. That a Void-Player like him would be able to create anything, while their aspect only knew how to erase everything.  
“Gamzee…,” He whispered as another minute passed by and nothing changed. “Gamzee please...stop...”

“Why aren’t they coming?”  
Gamzee looked so very sad and rejected and it was all his fault “Why would they all but abandon me?”They asked and it was just to much. Carefully he pulled the Highblood into a hug and blamed himself for his own foolishness. Why had he ever believe that this was a good idea? Just how stupid could he be. “I’m so so very sorry. I should have known better.” He replied sadly and gently rubbed over the Highbloods back in an attempt to make them stop crying, while berating himself for his own foolishness.

“meow” The noise was so small that he nearly missed it.  
“meooooow!” There it was again.  
“Gamzee...”  
The Highblood's eyes were filled with purple tears when they looked up at him.  
“Do you hear that?” He asked and knew that the Highblood was just about to ask him what he meant, when it sounded again. “meow.”

“Is that?!” Gamzee asked surprised and nearly scrapped his horns on the floor as he looked under the bed.  
“Hissssss.”Came from under there and he kneeled down on the floor to get a better look at it.

Bright green eyes stared back at him and a fluffy white paw with tiny little claws were held out in his direction.  
“meow...meow… meow…” It cried in fear and anger, as he pulled it out from it's hiding spot and placed it on the bed. It was a fluffy white little kitten, that looked a lot like a tiny version of Sun.  
“Is that?” Gamzee asked and he nodded his head in agreement. “I think this is Sun, though I don't know why he is so little.”

“meow… meow… meow…” It called out in distress when Gamzee picked it up and started to pet it. “Welcome home Sun.” Gamzee said with a teary smile and the kitten became quiet as it took in the Highbloods presence. For a moment it just stared at him, then it started to purr and cuddled closer to Gamzee, leaving no doubt that this really was Sun. They were really adorable together, but I just left one important question.

Where was Moon?

As soon as he had thought it, he could hear the fluttering of wings from under the bed and the sound of distressed little croaks. Finding the black bird in the darkness that lay beneath the bed wasn't all that easy, but once he gotten hold of it he could feel it's panicked little heartbeat and quickly he handed it over to Gamzee. In an instant it's heartbeat seemed to calm down and it started to chirp a lovely little melody.  
Seemed like Sun and Moon needed Gamzee just as much as the Highblood needed them. The were just so adorable together.

With a loving smile he watched Gamzee holding his Familiars close and watched them cuddled back up to the Highblood.

And he would have been fine just watching this lovely reunion, but when Gamzee pulled him back on the bed and soft black feathers and fluffy white fur tickled his face he realized that this was even nicer.  
It was almost like they were back to being kids again.


	27. Chapter 27

His mind was spinning and his head was felling so very hot.  
Could it be that he had gotten a fever from sleeping outside?  
It was possible.

A cold towel was placed on his forehead and he sighed in relieve, as the cold texture took the burning heat away.   
“Why do you always have to make me worry about you?” A low voice questioned and when he opened his eyes he found someone sitting on the side of his bed. 

“Dad?” He asked quietly and tried to sit up, but his father pushed him back down.   
“You shouldn’t overexert yourself, your body needs rest.” His father told him and he couldn’t understand why they were here. His father never had been the caring type and so it always had been Darkleer that took care of him when he was sick. Seeing his father by his side now was very weird, yet so very nice. Maybe his father cared about him after all. 

“Equius and Darkleer had to take care of things in regards to the blue-bloods, so they made me promised to take care of you until they returned.” His father told him and his good mood fell. Of course they weren't here on their own account. How foolish of him to even expect something like this. Why was he always such an idiot.

Silence settled over the room and he closed his eyes, trying to block out the pain of being rejected yet again.   
For a few minutes everything was silent, then his father spoke again. “Darkleer told me about the deceiving act the two of you played on me and at first I was really angry about it, but now I am wondering… do you really think that I hate you? Do you really think that I hold you responsible for my wife’s death?”

Slowly he reopened his eyes and founded pained purple ones looking back at him and this was so unexpected. Was his father really worried about his opinion.   
No that couldn't be. It had to be an act, just like it always had been.

When a cold hand was place on his shoulder he wanted to brush it way, yet he couldn't find the strength to do so. He had always longed to be close to his father, yet they always left him behind.   
“I always loved you.” He suddenly blurted out and then couldn't stop himself from saying all these words that he had kept hidden for so long. “I always wanted to make you proud, but no matter what I did you were never satisfied with my results. And I understand that Kurloz was always better than me. That he always understood things faster than me and that he is better at fighting than me, but I always tried my best so why couldn’t that be enough one single time? Why couldn’t I be enough just once.” He asked and his father recoiled from his outburst, taking their hand away from him and he wanted to cry. Why did his father always have to be so cruel?   
First laughing and having fun with Kurloz and then being cold and distant whenever they looked at him. Always inquiring about his brothers day, but never doing the same for him. It just wasn't fair and he felt so left out. Why didn't he deserve the same love and affection his brother got?

“Just leave.” He finally screamed and when his father stood up and walked to the door, he wanted to scream and cry and finally be able to hate them for real with no more strings attached. Having a good relationship with his dad had always been a hopeless dream and he was to old to cling on to a fools hope. He needed to let go.

“You know, a father should never pick a favorite when he has more than one kid, but somehow it's in our nature to be more attached to one person than another and for me the person I love most is you.” His father said and he felt sick. “You are the last gift my wife has left me with and I loved you ever since I first lay eyes on you.” They whispered and Gamzee's heart broke as he heard those sugary sweet words that could be nothing but lies. 

“Liar!” He screamed and hot tears run down his face, as his father walked back to him and took his face in hand.   
“I would never lie to you. And there is one more thing I need you to know.” They told him as they gently brushed his tears away. “Your mother didn’t die giving birth to you. I was force to make this the official statement, for I couldn’t let the public know that she was murdered by some low-bloods that wanted to hurt me.”

“Liar.” He said again, as he remembered all these people telling him that he had killed their queen and lead this land to ruin.  
“I know that I should have told you sooner and I'm sorry Gamzee. The hierarchy of this world is really unstable and so I couldn't let others know that I couldn’t even protect my own family from some lowly creatures that wanted to start a civil war no matter the cost. I couldn't let them succeed, especially not when you and Kurloz were so young and such easy targets. I couldn't lose another member of my family, especially not you.” 

“Liar.” He whispered, as cold arms closed around him and pulled him into a hug.   
“You were always so special to me and you always remind me so much of her.” His father told him and their arms tightened around him. “When we were younger she was always the one that dragged me and Darkleer into all sorts of trouble. She was such a fucking tomb boy, yet so very caring and compassionate when it came down to it. Always making sure that we were alright and healing all your wounds even before noticing all the cuts that were on her own body.” 

He heard his father take a deep breath, before admitting in a broken voice. “I miss her so much my beloved Muse of Hope and I can't stand the thought of losing you too. That's why I was always so strict with you and tried to keep you at a distance, especially because...” Another shuddering breath was taken and his father continued in a different direction. “As you know me and Kurloz can only use destructive magic that will destroy everything in our surrounding if we let it. This Rage power we possess are more of a curse then a blessing, but yours are different. Yours are a combination of her and my powers and so you can not only destroy but also create. You can heal and ruin everything, but such powers come with a price...”

“What's the price.” He asked carefully, as his father didn't continue.   
“Please, I need to know.” He tried again, when his father still didn't answer.   
Slowly his father let go of him and mustered him with tired purple eyes. “Do you really?”   
Roughly he nodded his head, but then felt uncertainty wash over him as he said. “yes, please let me know.”

Another long moment of silence followed and then his father's gaze wandered to the ground before they admitted. “You will die long before you even reach your 21 wiggling day.” They said and Gamzee's heart set out.

“What?!”

“Apparently Rage and Hope magic doesn’t mix well together and my Prince class makes the whole combination even more disastrous. Your magic and thereby your lifespan was leaking from you ever since you were born and now that you are pregnant the process will go even faster, for a pregnancy is rather taxing on a trolls body.” A heavy head was placed on his shoulder. “And now you will die in almost the same way as my wife once did. Because even though she didn’t die giving birth to you, her magic was subdued because of your pregnancy and the last fraction of powers she held she used to protect you instead of herself and now you will do the same thing, won't you? You will give the remaining pieces of your powers in order to give this thing growing inside of you a chance to live, won't you? You will leave me behind just like my wife did and there is nothing I can say to make your change your mind, or is there?” 

A long silence followed and his father understood the unspoken decision he had made.   
“Somehow I already feared that you would say that.”


	28. Chapter 28

Cold white walls filled the place he once called home.   
Being back after so many years was truly strange. All these fights and sacrifices had to made him a different person, so it was difficult to be back in his hive.

“Why did you bring me here?” He asked, but his father gave no answer.   
A small smile pulled on his lips as his gaze wander over these cold white walls he once found so beautiful, but only held emptiness now.

“You noticed didn't you?” He asked and the older Void-Player turned to him, a sorrowful look in their eyes.   
“Yes.” The said and their gaze lowered to the ground. “I know that you aren't the Equius I raised nor is the Gamzee I carried to the Highbloods office the one I remembered. I don't know where you two came from, but I know you don't belong to this world... or maybe you don't belong to it anymore.” His father said and then added in a whisper. “I once met a strange man with a glass orb as head that told me...” 

“That we would get the chance to change the whole universe through entering a game that would test all our limits.” He finished his fathers words and looked back at the white walls. They seemed to taunt him with there emptiness and he wanted to return to the Highblood. He wanted to be by the person that could make him feel real. 

“You are right. Gamzee and I don't belong to this world. Never have and never will. We came from a different world called Alternia, but while playing the game we ended up in separate Time-Lines. In other words I'm not the Equius of his time-line and he isn't the Gamzee of my Time-line. Ever choice we made had the ability to create different sessions and while playing the game, we created so many of them.”

His eyes closed as he remembered how his Time-Line ended. “I reached god-tier in a way that hadn't been calculated. You see each of us players were granted a special Aspect and Class. My ability is just like yours, I can control the Void. But unlike you I became a Heir, which basically means that I'm naturally protected by my Aspect and in my 'highest' form become the essence of my Aspect. When I was killed and Feferi hadn't created the Dream-Bubbles yet, I became the true essence of my Class and Aspect and thereby reached god-tier in a way no one else ever had. It was an anomaly that -as far as I know- only happened in my Time-line and therefore gave me an advantage over Doc-Scratch that I used to kill him.”

His hands clenched into fists as he recalled Doc-Scratch last action. “But he tricked me. When I preformed the killing blow he did something that I hadn't expect. Instead of trying to deflect my powers or do anything else to safe himself, he used his remaining life to amplified my powers and thereby manged to make me erase the whole Time-line instead of only erasing him.” Blood dripped from his hands as he dug his nails further into his skin. “He made me destroy everything that I tried to protect and it just wasn't fair!” 

His father moved to comfort him, but he took a couple of steps back. “I never had a chance to tell this story to anyone, so please just let me tell it now. Please listen to what I have to say?!” He said and after a moment his father nodded their head. “I will listen.”  
“Thank you.” He whispered and found it hard to believe that the person standing before him was nothing more than an illusion. They acted just like his Ancestor and he truly wanted them to be real. They always knew how to deal with him and make him believe that he could tell them everything and they would have a solution for him. He truly needed one right now. 

“After I destroyed my own Time-Line I began searching for somewhere else to life, but no matter where I went there wasn't anyone that could see me. Not even Aradia, a girl that could communicate with the dead. I was all alone and no one could see me, or hear me, or even feel that I was there. I couldn't interact with anyone or anything and so I could do nothing but watch as my friends die over and over again.” Tears gathered in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. “I saw all of them die so many times. I watched my moirail die a thousand deaths. I watched my matesprite losing himself to his madness. And there was nothing I could do. I could only watch over and over again how everyone died and and no matter what I did I couldn't save them.”

Harshly he rubbed over his eyes and banned the tears from his face. He wanted to finish his story and if he would start to cry now, he knew he wouldn't be able to do so anymore. “It was after several years that I found this session which was just another doomed Time-Line, for Gamzee -much like myself- was never supposed to reach god-tier, so when he did, it was unavoidable that this session became another doomed place.” 

Blankly he stared at the white walls that seemed to look back at him. “Through his god-tier powers he managed to summonsed Lord-English sooner than ever before and of course the other players had no chance of defeating the demon of Time. So when everyone was dead Gamzee asked his Lord how they would go about creating the promised paradise now, but of course the demon had no intention of creating a paradises and therefore only laughed at Gamzee for ever believing in such a stupid promise. They taunted mercilessly and then decided to leave him and Kurloz alive, so that the both of them could truly realize how much they messed up and how all their sacrifices had only lead to the thing they so desperately tried to prevent.” 

Large cracks appeared in the walls and he closed his eyes, trying to keep himself from destroying this wonderful world Gamzee created. He couldn't give in to his anger, even though he hated this fucking game with all these cruel bastards that manipulated and twisted you up inside, till you could only see things there way anymore.

“In his despair Gamzee used his powers to create a world of his own, but because he had never used the creating aspect of his powers it was only a rather unfinished place he could create. The people he build held some resemblance with their real live counterparts, but not many. And I watched him go back to them day after day until one day he couldn't take it anymore and decided -in a last resort- to make himself believe that they truly reached the promised land 'Earth C' and all his friends were back to being alive, but they didn't want anything to do with him anymore, because of all the evil things he did. He isolated himself from his creation and pretended that everyone was back to being alive and that they just hated him and therefore made him leave. He believe in it so strongly that after a while it became his new reality that no one could prove him differently.”

He didn't know how much sens his story made to the older Void-Player, but he just needed to tell it right now. “I decided to stay with him, hoping that my presence would soothe his loneliness, but knowing that was only a foolish hope. In truth I most likely stayed because I too had no where else to go and I liked being by his side even though he couldn't see me.” 

A happy smile lit up his face, as he recalled the wonderful day that changed everything. “It was in the middle of November, when my Highblood suddenly asked me what I was doing in his hive and of course I didn’t answer because I never suspected that he could see me.” His smile grew wider as he continued. “But he did talk to me and he could see me and I was no longer captured inside the Void. I was back to being real and I don't know how he managed to do that and he didn't know either, but it didn't really matter for I was real again and I could touch things and I could feel others. And I was finally able to hug him. A thing I had wanted to do for so long. I was so happy and I didn't really care that we were essentially the only two people left alive....” 

His expression saddened as he continued. “But of course that wasn't enough for my Highblood. He desperately wanted to be reconnected with our friends, for he still believed that they were real and I couldn't bring myself to prove him differently. He thinks he can go back to them once he truly frees himself of his old Masters hold and thereby created this world in order to finding the document Doc-Scratch once used to bind us to the Lord of Time...” 

“..But in truth I will only break this world apart when I bring him the documents and what then? Can I let him go back to the beginning only to let him see that there was never anything to go back to? But what is the alternative?   
If we stay in this world he will overexert his abilities in an attempt to keep this world alive and might end up dying from it, especially now that he is pregnant.”

His father tried to say something, but he interrupted them. “And what about the kid. Is it even real or just another illusion that is draining Gamzee of his energy without having any use? Should I erase it from existence and make everyone forget that it was ever there? But how could I do that if it is really Gamzee and my child? I always loved my Highblood and I always wanted to have a family with him, but if I don't erase this child my Highblood will die from overexertion and I will be cast back into the Void.” In despair he looked at his father and asked. “What should I do?” 

“..I..” His father stammered and his expression fell. “I don't know.”  
Of course they couldn't help him with a problem like this. How foolish he had been to ever think they could.   
Slowly he walked toward his father and placed a hand on their shoulder. “Don't worry. I will deal with it like I always dealt with everything.” 

He said bitterly and erased his fathers memory about the conversation they just had.  
“That is to say that I will deal with all alone.”


	29. Chapter 29

Gamzee POV:

A few days had passed since he slept outside and he was feeling a lot better now, but his fathers words still haunted his mind.   
How could he accept that his life would be cut so short, when Highbloods were supposed to live for thousands of years.  
How was that fair?   
Gently he lay a hand over his stomach and knew he couldn't give up on this child of his.  
He had already lost so many things, he wouldn't give up on this child no matter what. 

Soft black feathers brushed against his face and Moon watched him prepare breakfast.  
“Did you sleep well?” He asked the crow and lovingly brushed over their soft feathers, before fill their bowl with apples and adding new cat-food to Suns bowl. 

With a happy croak Moon hopped on the counter and started to eat the apples he prepared for them, while Sun sniffed on his own bowl with a dissatisfied expression, before turned away from this 'commoner' food he had been served and went to get himself something better to eat.

“Hey I saw that.” He told his cat, as it stole half of the bacon he just took from the fridge and disappeared with it.   
For a few minutes he searched for his devious cat, but then gave up and hoped that Sun would at least enjoy their stolen goods and not end up get sick from them. It was okay for cats to eat bacon, right?   
He would definitely look it up later and keep Sun from eating it if he found out that it wasn't.

With a sigh he went back to preparing his own meal and was once more reminded how empty this house currently was, as silence settle over the room. Equius and Horrus still hadn't returned from their business trip and Kurloz and Meulin had decided to leave for a romantic weekend to one of their families resorts, leaving only him and his father at home. And while he didn't know if his father would appreciate an interrupted from their work, he still wanted to spend more time with them and be closer to them. And who know maybe they would appreciate a good meal. He couldn't know unless he was brave enough to try. 

After cooking the eggs and bacon he had prepared, he put them on a tray and placed backed toast next to them.   
Then he poured two cups of coffee and went on his way to his fathers office, hoping to surprised them with a nice meal.   
On his way up the stairs it was his balance that got tested more then anything else, because Sun had apparently finished eating and was now longing for attention, which he demonstrated by wandering around his feet and meowing up at him. 

Halfway up the stairs he knew this just wouldn't end well and decided to have a talk with his Familiar.   
“You have to all but stop doing this otherwise I will trip over you and we will both fall down the stairs and get hurt.” He said sternly and picked Sun up, but the white cat just looked at him with these large green eyes, before press their nose to his and starting to purr, making his annoyance instantly melt away.   
“Why do you always have to be such a troublemaker?” He asked affectionately and held the white cat close to himself. “Always making me give in to your demands, when I'm supposed to be mad at you.” He asked and placed Sun down on his lap, starting to give in to their demands and pet them lovingly. 

“Sometimes you are being such a pain, but truthfully I'm so glad to have you back...” He said and turned his gaze to Moon that had settled down beside him. “...The both of you.” He whispered and gently brushed over Moon's black feathers, not wanting them to feel excluded. He loved both his Familiar so very much and he never wanted to let go of them. They belong to him and he belonged to them. 

For a while he enjoyed the peace his Familiars brought him, but then Moon turned their head upwards and he followed their gaze.   
It was his father that stood there at the top of the stairs.   
Quickly he stood up, placing Sun back on the ground and made himself halfway presentable.   
“Father.” He said quietly and the older purple-blood mustered him with a thoughtful expression. 

“I thought I heard nose from outside my study and was worried that you hurt yourself.” His father told him and he wasn't quite certain if he should be happy that his father worried about him or disappointed that they immediately thought he ended up hurting himself. 

“I'm sorry for worrying you.” He finally stated and then added in a small voice. “I made breakfast...”  
“I see that.” His father stated flatly and he wanted to disappear. This definitely hadn't been the reaction he had been hoping for. Didn't his father like the things he made for them? Had he gotten it all wrong?

He was about to excuse himself and run away, when his father spoke up again. “What are you doing standing around like a statue? Come on in and let us eat.” They told him and he sprang into action, picking up the tray and sprinting up the remaining steps. He wouldn’t make his father regret their decisions. He definitely wouldn’t mess up this opportunity he had been granted. He refused to mess it up.

Once he was inside his fathers study he saw all these discarded paperwork lying around and wondered if he had come at a bad time.  
“Sorry. I kinda had enough of all these damn papers.” His father told him and set down with a pained groan. “It just never seems to end.” They told him and then added. “But you can already start to eat. I don't mind.”   
“No, let me help you.” He replied instinctively and immediately set down the tray and started to help his father.

With the help of Sun and Moon -who pushed the discarded papers closer to him- it only took a few minutes to get everything back together and his father even smiled a little at him as he handed the papers to them. But then their expression turned absentminded and he couldn't stop himself from asking. “What's wrong?”  
“Nothing really. It's just..., she also had a Familiar that followed her around everywhere.” His father told him and he froze in place.   
“Mom?” He asked quietly and the older purple-blood nodded their head. 

“A white Phoenix whose feathers shone golden in the sunlight.” They said and he couldn't believe it, his mother had also been a witch. “It was a magnificent beast that could heal even the most severe injury with a single teardrop.” His father told him and he wanted to know more, but then his fathers features turned grim and they added. “I never once saw it again after she passed away, making me believe that it died along-sided her.... But all of that happened a long time ago and I should learn to let it go.”

Roughly he bite his lips and said. “Dad...”  
When purple eyes turned to him, he couldn't keep the question to himself anymore. “Could you tell me more about mom? No one ever took the time to tell me much about her and I feel so disconnected from her.”   
A long moment of silence followed and his heart sank for he already knew their answer. “Maybe later, okay?”  
“Yeah of course.” He answered quietly and knew what his father truly meant. They wouldn't tell him anything else about his mother and he should stop asking.

Quietly he set there opposite his father as the moment seemed to drag on forever.   
Why was no one willing to tell him anything about her? What was so wrong with him knowing more about the person that was his mother? He just couldn't understand it. 

When a cold hand was placed on his shoulder, he looked up with teary eyes and asked. “I just wanted to know a little more about her. Is that really so wrong?”  
Tried purple eyes returned his gaze and his father shook their head. “No there is nothing wrong with that. It's just...” A deep sigh came from them and they pulled their hand away. “I still find it difficult to speak about her. It pains me to remember.” 

And though he had wished for a different answer, he knew what it was like to lose someone you loved and so he understood.  
“Will you ever be able to tell me more about her?” He finally asked and another long moment of silence followed.   
“I can’t promise anything, but I will try.” His father told him and maybe that was enough. 

“And now you should really eat something. You are still to slim and that isn't good especially now that you are pregnant.” 

+++++

Slowly he made his way downward, carrying the empty tray back to the kitchen.   
His father seemed so stressed out from all the paper-work and he wished he could help them, but knew he would only get in their way if he tried. He really hoped that Horrus and Equius would be back soon.

Lost in thoughts he wandered down the stairs and ran into someone.   
He was about to apologize when he heard the other mumble a quite 'sorry' and realized who that voice belong to.  
“Equius!” He said cheerfully, but instead of bright blue eyes looking back at him, there was an empty expression on the others face and before he could ask what was wrong, his friend had already disappeared, making him think that he just imagined their encounter. 

After roughly shacking his head to clear his mind, he continued on his way downward, but only got a few steps further before the front doors were flung open and a breathless Horrus stumbled inside.  
“Have you seen my son?” Were the first words from the blue-blood and he looked back at the place where he had thought he had seen his matesprite, but no one was there.   
“I don’t really know.” He answered truthfully and Horrus gave a deep sigh before sitting down on the bottom of the stairs.

“So I really messed up quite badly if he doesn’t even show himself to you.” The older blue blood mumbled and he moved closer to them, not really understanding what they were going on about.   
“Care to explain.” He finally asked and set down beside them.

“I think Equius and I had an argument, but I can’t really remember.” Darkleer explained and lay their face in their hands. “I think he made me forget what we were talking about, but I don’t understand how. I know that he is the Heir of Void, but I’m still older than him and I possess Void magic too. He shouldn't be able to make me forget so easily. And he definitely shouldn’t be able to use the Void to hide from me.” Darkleer stated and he understood their frustration. Equius could be quite delusive if he wanted to be and it was rather difficult to make them stop. Luckily he had already a lot of experience at dealing with his matesprites and therefore had a good idea where he would find them. 

“How about we make a deal. I will try to find Equius and talk with him, while you go and help my dad with their paper-work.” He said and at first there was no reaction from Horrus, but then they gave him a tried smile and pulled him in a hug. “Thank you Gamzee that would be a great help.” They told him and he returned the hug. 

“It’s the least I can do after everything you did for me and my father.”


	30. Chapter 30

Gamzee POV:

Absentminded he watched Darkleer stand up and leave to fullfill their part of the promise and though he was really happy that his father would finally get some help with their overdue paperwork, he just couldn't forget the way Equius had looked at him, as they passed him by. Their blue eyes had been so empty and their expression so void of emotion.

Whatever the two Blue-bloods had been fighting about, it must have been really bad.

But somehow he just couldn't understand it. Neither Darkleer nor Equius were the type to pick a fight, so what could have happened that made Equius feel the need to remove his fathers memories.  
He just couldn't wrap his mind around it.

When a soft white tail brush against his hand, he looked down and found Sun's curious green eyes look back at him. Carefully he picked the white cat up and asked. "Say Sun, what do you think has been gone on? Do you think that Darkleer told Equius the same bad news that my father gave me and that Equius didn't take them well. Do you think he is afraid that I will die do to the pregnancy and therefore needs some time alone?"

Sun gave a small meow and he had to smile. "I guess you are right. I should go and ask him instead of making any pointless assumptions. It's just..., he never seems all that willing to tell me what going on inside them head of his and somehow I can never bring myself to ask the right questions. I guess somewhere along the lines we forgot how to be honest with each other and now the only difference is that he is far better at figuring me out then I'm at understanding him."  
In a whisper he asked. "Do you think he might one day leave me for a partner that is smarter and more well mannered than I am. That I won't be enough anymore?" Worried green eyes looked at him and in a shaking voice he admitted. "I don't want to lose him. Everyone is always leaving me and I can't take it anymore. I just want him to stay and that's why I keep on lying."

With another soft meow Sun broke the dark thoughts that had captured his mind and he knew what he needed to do now. He had to speak with Equius and figure out what happened between them and Darkleer. He would be there for them like they had been there for him so many times before.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Equius POV:

Static filled his vision and he couldn't see where he was going, but then again what did it matter anyway, there was no place for him to go to. No space that was truly his. He was an intruder in a world that didn't need him, nor wanted him. Just someone that had died long ago and still somehow managed to cling on to life.

Step after step he climbed higher, passing floor after floor until he was there: The highest floor of the building.  
Warm sunlight fell through the glass doors and when he pushed them open, it was a warm spring wind that welcomed him.  
In a few quick steps he made his way to the edge of the balcony and looked down at these beautiful fields of flowers that belonged to the Makars mansion.

With a sigh he closed his eyes and remembered how this worlds Equius had met the Highblood.  
It had been on a spring day much like this, when his father had taken him the Makaras and told him to announce their arrival. He had just been about to ring the doorbell, when the doors were suddenly opened and someone called his name as if they already expecting him. “You must be Equius, right?” The young troll that had opened the door said and took his hands in their own. “I'm Gamzee and I hope we can be great friends.” They told him with a happy smile and maybe it had been right then or perhaps later on in life that he had fallen in love with their smile and swore to protect them no matter the cost.

When he opened his eyes again the morning had turned into nighttime and the sky was filled with thousand of stars.  
“Somehow I already knew I would find you up here.” A familiar voice said and when he turned around he found the person that had turned day into night.  
“You always liked watching the stars from up here, haven't you?” Gamzee asked and he understood now. Gamzee expected to find him here at nightfall and so the world he created mirrored their expectation. How fascinating.

When a cold hand was placed on top of his, he noticed the golden chain that held his sign on the Highbloods arm and had to smile a little. So the Highblood still wore the necklace he once gave them, but apparently they didn't like to wear it as a necklace.

“Do you want to tell me what is going on?” Gamzee asked softly and he looked up to the stars as though they could give him an answer. “I just don't know what I should do anymore and I don't want to lose you.” He finally confessed and when he turned his gaze to Gamzee he saw the saddened expression on the Highbloods face.  
“So you already know.” They asked and he nodded his head, for yes he knew what deadly consequences Gamzee's pregnancy could hold for them and he didn't like it one bit.

“Somehow I hoped I could keep it from you a little longer, but I guess your are just to smart for your own good some times.” Gamzee told him and he understood the hidden message behind the Highbloods words.  
“So you intend to keep the child even though you know the risks.” He asked quietly and didn't know if he should be happy about the Highbloods decision. Yes he wanted to have a child with Gamzee, but the possibility of losing them was just to scary and so he didn't know if the possibility was truly worth the risk?

“Yes I want to keep it.” Gamzee declared and then added with a smile. “And I also have figured out a name for it.”  
“And that is?” He asked carefully and watched their smile grow even wider. And wasn't it unfair how beautiful they were when they smiled?  
“Calliope if it's a girl and Caliborn if its a boy.”

Instantly his heart set out, as a flood of memories crashed on over him. Roughly he freed himself from the Highbloods hold and turned away from them. Of course Gamzee would chose these names. Of course nothing would ever change.  
“Equius?” Gamzee said and that only made all these memories of seeing Gamzee cry over the death of one or both his cherub children worse. Why did it have to be these god forsaken name. Why couldn't it be anything else.

“If you hate them names so much then we can change them.” Gamzee told him, but he knew that it didn't matter.  
Everything would just play out like it always had, for they were still part of the game even though they had already lost it.  
Nothing would ever change and it was all his fault.

If he hadn't slept with Gamzee or realized sooner...  
If the Highblood had told him sooner...  
If Gamzee had been honest for once...

“I'm a liar, but so are you.” He said bitterly and couldn't help but hate the Highblood for never telling him. For making him figure it out on his own. And of course he figured out once it had already been to late.

“Equius I don't under...” Gamzee started but he interrupted them.“Do you know what I did first once I turned god-tier?” He asked, but then answered his own question. “I used the powers I had been given to tame my own strength and make my sweat problem disappear. I did so that I could finally be close to the people I loved without having to worry that I would hurt them or disgust them with my sweat problem.”

A sharp pain ran through his heart, as he remembered all these times he had been called out on his 'defects' and it had always hurt so very much. “But now I'm thinking that god or whatever is out there, might have done the right thing by giving me these problems. Maybe they already knew that I would always only fuck up if I tried to protecting anyone and therefore gave me these defects so that I would stay away from everyone.”

“I still don't understand what you mean.” Gamzee said in a worried tone and he was so tired of all these lies.  
“I finally know now that you are asexual and that you hate having sex with anyone.” He called out and Gamzee fell silent.  
“When did you figure it out?” They finally asked and he felt sick. So he had been right after all.

“You sometimes talk in your sleep.” He confessed and then explained in detail. “On the night we slept with each, you made me promise that I would stay with you and so I did. When you feel asleep and told me all these things that I didn't know. You told me how much you hated sleeping with anyone and how you only did it, because you thought it was the only way that anyone would be willing to stay with you.” For a moment he fell silent, then he asked the question that had been on his mind ever since he found out. “All these times we slept with each other did I in truth... rape you?”

Everything became quite, then the Highblood smiled up at him. “How can it be rape if both partners agree to it? Yeah, I might be asexual, but that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy having sex. As I told you before I don't really mind the sexual preference of my partners for it can be fun to be on top and it can be fun to play the bottom. So I don't really mind.”

“liar” He whisper, but Gamzee just ignored him and continued on. “And anyway, I think its only fair that I pay with my body to have someone close to me and care about me...Even if their care only extends to the duration in which they can fuck me.” With an even wider smile they added. “But I guess that's just how the world works.”

“NO IT'S NOT!” He screamed and pull the Highblood closer to himself as he asked. “In what kind of world do you think that would be a fair exchange?! TELL ME THAT!”  
“IN THIS AND EVERY OTHER WORLD!” Gamzee shouted back and it pained so much to know that they meant every single word.

Slowly he let go of them and they took a few steps back.  
“i didn't really mind sleeping with you, so you should stop thinking about it. there is nothing to apologized for, so stop troubling yourself about it.” They told him and he felt even more guilty.

A part of him just wanted to run away and forget all about it, but he know he would never forgive himself if he were to do that and so he revealed the thoughts that had been inside him for such a long time. “I always found it so very hard to connect with you, for you were always so desperate to send me away. You never let me stay with you out of fear of hurting me again, but I just couldn't let it go. When I found out that you allowed me to stay longer after we slept with each other I started to used that as a way to get closer to you, but I should have known... I should have known there was a catch to it.” His gaze fell to the ground as he confessed. “I guess I knew there was a negative side to it, but I just didn't wish to see it and so I ignored it. I ignored it and I hurt you... And for that I am truly sorry. Can you please forgive me.”

“I already told you that there ain't nothing to apologized for.” The Highblood told him, but then asked in a whisper. “But would you really continue to love me, even if I would never sleep with you again?”  
“Of course I would!” He answered instantly and a small smile appeared on the Highbloods face.

“You are really one of the strangers people I ever met.” They told him and moved closer to him. “Yes, a truly strange being.” They hummed and then pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “But if these words are coming from you, I might be willing to believe them.”

“Thank you Gamzee. And I swear that I won't break my promise to you.”

Another soft kiss was placed to his lips and he was just about to close his eyes and enjoy the sweet gesture, when Gamzee took a step back and asked him in a serious tone. "Is there anything else that you want to talk about? I might not be the smartest or the best at figuring out any solutions, but I'm trying to be there for you. And I hope... that from now on you will have enough faith in me to tell me if there is something troubling you. Okay?"

"Yes I will." He said with a smile, while his mind showed him all these things he still couldn't tell the Highblood. Like how they essentially destroyed everything by releaseing Lord English. Like how there was no place for them to return too if this imaginary world was to break apart. Like how he wasn't even the Equius from this universe.

"I'm fine now. So thank you for listening to me." He said and tired to forget just how much of a liar he was.

 


	31. Chapter 31

 

Horuss POV: 

As he entered the Highblood's office, he found them sound asleep in their seat, their head resting against the hard wooden table and lose papers all around them.  
On silent steps he made his way closer to them and looked at the papers they had been working on.  
It was a complete mess.

“What have you been trying to do here?” He asked in a whisper and took a sideways-glance at his Highblood. Something about the way they held themselves wasn't quite right and then he realized it. They were pretending to be asleep so that they wouldn't have to working through all this mess they created, how very selfish of them.

But okay, two could play that game.

Carefully leaned closer to the 'sleeping' Highblood and watched their face gain colour, as he first kissed their nose and then pressed a short kiss to their lips. ‘Just how stubborn can you be?' He wondered and moved closer to the Highblood's ear. 'Trying to keep up an act that has already been figured out.' Softly he nibbled at his moirail's ear and then bite down on it, making them jump up.

“What the fuck was that for?” They screamed at him, but he couldn't help but snicker at how purple their face had gotten.  
“Well it's what you deserved for leaving me with all this mess.” He replied between chuckles and he the Highblood's face became even more flustered.  
“I didn't leave a mess. I just have a different approach to working through these documents than you have.” They tried to justify, but he only had to raise an eyebrow to make them relent. “Okay fine I'm really bad at paperwork but... I tried my best.” They said and the saddest part about that confession was that it was probably true.

With a sigh he picked up a few of the documents and scanned over them. It was a disaster, there was no other word for it.  
“Know what? I will try to get some structure into this chaos, but in exchange you will make me some coffee, okay?”  
“Yeah I can do that.” Was the immediate reply from the Highblood and their eagerness was rather suspicious. “Will make you the best fucking coffee you had in a long time.” They told him and quickly made their way to the door.

Just as they were about to open the door and disappear out of sight, he told them. “But don’t take too long, otherwise I will have to hunt you down and drag you back here, understood?”  
“How did you...” They began, but he cut them off. “It’s obvious that you try to find an opportunity to get away, but I’m not having it today. So if you try to ditch me, I will come for you and make you regret your decision.”

“Yeah right as if you could catch me.” He heard them mumble and that was one hell of a challenge if he ever heard one.  
“What did you just say my beloved moirail?” He asked in a sweet tone. “That I shouldn't even let you leave the room, but instead keep you here and make you do all the work on your own? That would be alright with me!”  
“No that's not necessary. In fact I really want to make that coffee for you now, so that you know how thankful I am for helping.”  
They replied in a hast and then were out of the door before he could even formulate an reply.

With a smile he watched them go and then returned to the papers.  
This would be a long day.

He was just done with the 5 document, when he heard footsteps from outside the office and then say his moirail re-entered the room.  
“I made you a coffee with a strong aroma, but then wasn't certain how much milk you would want in it, so I thought it best to just take it milk bottle with me.” They told him and placed the cup of coffee and milk next to him.

“Thank you.” He replied with a smile, but when he glanced down at the dark substance in the cup, he couldn't help but wonder... “Don't you think that it's quite unfair how the colour of our blood dictates what we can be and what isn't ours to have.”

“Where's that coming from? I always thought that you were fine or even proud of being a blue-blood?”His moirail asked and they were right with their assumption. But this wasn't about his blood-colour but the colour of the person he once slept with.  
“Am I a good father?” He asked next and the confusion on his moirails face grew.

“What's that about?! You have been a father to my children as well as your own. So yeah, I think you are a great father. Far better than I will ever be and I’m grateful that you looked after my kids… when I couldn’t.”  
“It was not a big deal. I like both your sons very much, so I didn’t mind at all.” He replied and the Highblood stared him down with their purple eyes.

“Well it was a big deal for me. And now tell me what's going on. Did you have a fight with Equius, or something?”  
“Yes I did. But that's not the only thing that is on my mind.” He replied and the Highblood gestured for him to go on. “I tried to talk with my former kismesis and mother of my second child. She still isn’t willing to even let me see our daughter and there is nothing that I can do about it for here blood is higher than mine.”

“Her blood is higher than everyone's.” His moirail dead-panned and then all but started to lecture him. “Seriously how fucking insane are you. Not even I would dare to hate-fuck with the Her Imperious Condescension aka. the fucking Empress of this whole world. That’s another level of stupid and insane and I still can’t believe how the two of you went from trying to kill each other too hey let’s hate-fuck each other instead. But seriously what where you even thinking?”

“She was treating to kill you and I didn't like it.” He replied and the Highblood gave him a stern look. “Yeah she threatened to kill me! ME not YOU! It had nothing to do with you, until you went and made it your own problem. And truthfully you can be glad that she allowed you to live after this traitorous act you preformed. You tried to kill her for fucks sake.”

Ashamed he looked to the side for he knew that his Highblood was right, but he just couldn't let it go.  
He wanted to meet his daughter at least once.

When his moirail suddenly pulling on his hair, he followed the direction without complaints and in the next moment he felt them lay their forehead against his. “Sometime you are just as much of a fool as I am.” They told him with a sigh and then continuing. “My ‘friendship’ with Meenah never has been the best, but I will try and talk with her, maybe I can do something for you. So don’t give up just yet, okay?”

Slowly he nodded his head and was about to hug his moirail, when a knock sounded through the room and made his Highblood pull away. Couldn't whoever this was, have waited just a few more minutes?  
“It's open, you can come in.” He told the intruder in an annoyed tone, but then instantly felt his mood lift up when the door opened and relieved Equius and Gamzee. Curiously he watched them exchange glances and then saw Equius being push into the room by the young Highblood.

“Equius?” He asked softly and for a moment it were his son’s blue eyes that locked with his own, but then they averted their gaze told him in a small voice. “I wanted to apologize for running of like I did. It was childish of me and I shouldn’t have done it.”  
Instantly he moved closer to them and pulled them in a hug. “There is no need to apologize for something like that. And I'm sorry too. I really don't remember much of what happened, but I know that you asked me something important and I failed to give you an answer. Can you forgive me for that.”

“Yeah I forgive you, for it's alright now.” Equius told him, but something about their tone of voice said that they were lying.  
“Are you sure?” He asked, but knew that they weren't willing to talk about it when they nodded their head instead of telling him the truth.  
“Yes, everything is fine.” They said and he felt like a failure of a father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to write a small chapter on GBH and Horrus moiralligance and I hope you like it :)  
> As for why I made Equius and Feferi siblings, it's becaus I kinda like it if when there is a family dynamic between the trolls and the sign of sagittarius and pisces are ruled by the same planet (Jupiter)
> 
> Saggitarius: ruling planet = Jupiter  
> Pisces: ruling planet = Jupiter + Neptune


	32. Chapter 32

What had begun as a minor inconvenience, quickly turned into something rather terrifying.  
A few seconds of a blacked out vision had turned into a few minutes without sight and then became hours in complete darkness. He was losing his sight, due to ‘overuse’ of magic and there was nothing he could do about it. Or truthfully there was, but it wasn’t an option he wanted to consider.

“Good morning, Gamzee. Have you slept well?” Came the words of his beloved and he turned his head to the side to see them, but of course there was only darkness to be found.  
“Yeah it was okay.” He replied and reached a hand for them, needing the physical contact to ground himself.

It was only when his hand were taken in the blue-bloods warmer ones that he felt able to relax.  
“I’m here for you Gamzee, you don’t need to worry.” Equius told him and it was this sentence along with everything else that let him know that they already know about his condition, even though he had been too much of a coward to tell them.

Slowly he closed his eyes again and wondered how Equius always knew everything that was going on with him, while he couldn’t figure them out at all.  
What exactly were they getting out of this relationship anyway? They were always there for him, but he was bad at doing the same. They always helped him through everything, while he was probably only causing them more problems. And now they wouldn’t even allow him to satisfy them sexually anymore, because they just had to find out that he hated having sex. So what was there left for him to give?

When warm fingers trace over his face, he opened his eyes again, but only found darkness.  
“What are you thinking about?” Equius asked him and of course they already realized that something was troubling him again.

For a moment he thought about telling the truth, but then was too afraid to go through with it.  
“It’s nothing so important.” He finally replied and then added in a small voice. “I’m just really happy that I have you. That's all. I really wouldn’t want to miss you in my life.”

“And you won’t have too. As long as you want me to stay I will remain by your side, for that’s what I promised to do.” He was being told and he knew that they meant it. But for how long would they mean it? When would be the moment that they realized that he had nothing to give them in return?

A soft kiss was placed to his lips and they told him again. “If you allow me to do so, I will stay with you forever and always, my beloved Highblood.”  
And he wanted to believe them, he really did, but... “You know. I always hated it when you called me Highblood.” He said and instantly felt Equius freeze up.

A sad smile formed on him lips as he confessed. “For such a long time you used this title to remind me of all that I wasn’t and all that you wanted me to be.”  
Carefully he freed his hand from the others hold and tried to read their expression by letting his fingers wander over their face. “But now you speak that title in a completely different way and I wonder why that is? I'm still not the Highblood you always wanted me to be, now am I?”

A long moment of silence followed and he wondered if he went too far with his question.  
He was about to tell them that they should just forget about it, when they started to speak up. “It was wrong of me and I’m sorry.”

Softly he chuckled to himself, as he replied. “How so? I deserved it. I never was all that great back then and most likely I still ain’t.” Slowly he let his hands sink and thought about what an idiot he had been for all these years. Always following the paths that others lead and bringing everyone down with him. He had been such a selfish, stupid, idiot and he had…

A blinding pain filled his mind and so many different images appeared before him.  
A puppet with soulless eyes that told him that he could be useful.  
A boy with blue eyes that that meant everything to him.  
His Familiars blood running down his arms, as he walked through the destroyed town that had become his home.  
Blue eyes filling with tears as he lay there in the snow, bleeding out on the ground.

Green spore slime drowning out everything, till it ran out and he killed all his friends.  
Walls covered in the colors of the rainbow and a 3 year journey spent in complete isolation.  
The promise of his lord that they would make everything alright and the painful realization that it had all been a lie.

The decaying corpses of his friends. The blank stares that followed him everywhere. The smell of rotten flesh that lingered and just didn’t want to leave. His desperate attempts to bring everyone back to live.

Someone was touching his shoulder and it reminded him of how he held the bow in hand and wrapped the string around their neck. He had killed them?!  
“Did I kill you?!” He asked and in truth already knew the answer.

“Gamzee I don’t unders…” Equius started, but he didn’t want to hear it. “STOP LYING!” He screamed and lay his hands around the others neck.  
He nearly flinched back when he felt the scars on the others neck and knew he was to blame for it. “So it really is true…”

“Gamzee, please let me explain.” They told him and tried to take his hands, but he refused their touch and instead laying his arms around his own body, trying to comfort himself.  
How could he have done such a horrible thing?

“You didn’t even fight me?” He realized and started to shake. “Why?”  
'Why didn't you fight back' 'Why don't you hate me for what I did?' 'Why aren't you scared of me?' 'Why did I forget' 'Why are you still willing to be close to me after all that I have done?'

“Why didn’t you stop me from doing something so horrible?!”  
He had killed so many people and then forgot all about them so that he could create this little world for himself. He ran away from all that he had done, just like he always did.

Warm hands were placed on his shoulders and he wanted to shake them off, but this time Equius didn’t allow him to do so and it was a perfect reminding that they could have won in a fight against him.  
“why didn't you stop me?” He asked quietly and began to hate the blue-blood as much as he hated himself. “you could have stopped me from killing all my friends, but you didn't. why?”

“Because I couldn’t.” Equius told him and he hated how cryptic they always had to be. Never give him a straight answer. Always keeping everything to themselves.  
“I WANT TO KNOW WHY!” He screamed and push against the others chest, but it held no effect and it wasn’t fair.  
Why were they only showing their strength now, when it didn’t matter anymore?

“why?” He whispered and lay his head on the others shoulder, allowing them to lay their arms around him.  
“Because I was to afraid that I would kill you if I fought back and I just couldn’t go through that again. I have already lost you once and couldn’t do it again.” Warm fingers brushed through his hair and he allowed it. “The memories of seeing you fall to the ground. Of realizing what I did. Of seeing you bleed out on the ground. I still have nightmares about it and I couldn’t do it again.”

“Even if you knew how much suffering you would have saved me from, by doing it?” He asked and the fingers that brushed through his hair stopped mid motion.  
“If you really would have wanted me to be your executioner than you shouldn't have made me fall in love with you. It wasn't fair of you to make me promise and it wasn't fair of me to break my promise. But this is what happened and we can’t change it anymore.”

A soft kiss was place to his temple, then Equius continued speaking. “And I'm sorry that I used your title in such a cruel manner. The truth is that I wanted someone else to take charge of my decisions, because I feared that I would only make the wrong ones again.” Slowly he looked up, but of course he couldn’t see the others face. “After I took the puppets offer they demanded of me to erase my own memories and so I did it, but a few bits of the past remain with me. In one of these glimpses I found out that I sacrificed everyone that I swore to protect for my own selfish desires and it scared me... It scared me so much that I wanted to have someone taking control of me so that I couldn't mess up so badly anymore. But it wasn't right of me to force this role on you and I need to learn to take full responsibility of my actions again.”

Another soft kiss was placed to his temple and that was when he noticed it. His regained memories were drifting away from him. “What have you done.” He asked fearful and Equius kissed him again.

“Some things are better forgotten and so I will carry the burden of the past on my own. There is no need for you to remember.”

+++

Darkness was all that he saw when he opened his eyes and he hated this feeling of not being able to see.  
“Good morning my High... Gamzee.” He heard Equius say and wondered why they had cut themselves of from speaking his title.

“Why did you stop yourself from calling me Highblood?”He asked sleepily and set up.  
“You told me that you didn't like being called so anymore and therefore I'm try to follow that request.” Equius told him, but he couldn’t follow.

“I did?” He asked confused, not remembering when that should have been. “That doesn't make much sense, for I actually don’t mind it when you call me by that title anymore. In a way I even like it, for it almost sounds like a loving nickname by now.” Slowly he turned his head to the direction he expected Equius to be in and added. “Yeah I disliked it when you called me that before, because you always made it sounded like an accusation, but now you speak it differently and I find myself liking it. It's hard to describe, but now you make it sound like something of value, like if you value me, while before I wasn't even certain if you just forgot my actual name.”

“You thought I forgot your name?” Equius asked in a distress tone and he sighed.  
“Well yeah, I mean you refused to say my name under any circumstances and only seemed to be interested in the color of my blood, so what was I to thinking.” He replied and then pressed a short kiss to their lips. “But now it’s different, so don't trouble yourself with the past. I’m just happy that you see more in me now, because I wouldn’t want to miss you in my life.”

“Gamzee I…” Equius began, but he cut them off with another kiss. “I said you shouldn’t worry about it anymore. And before you want to argue, that's an order. By the way do you know where my Familiars are. I can’t seem to hear them.”

“They woke up before you and wanted to get outside, so I let them.” Equius told him and he nodded his head, because his Familiars normally rose sooner than him. Then he noticed something that made him snicker. “And instead of going with them you stayed here and watched me sleep, like the creep that you are.”

“I think it’s okay if I’m doing it to the person I’m in a relationship with.” Came Equius instant reply and a wide smile grew on his face. “And what excused do you have for all the times that you watched me sleep on the meteor? We weren’t in a relationship back then.”  
‘On the meteor?’ What had he actually meant when he said that? What meteor was he talking about?

Warm hands were placed on his shoulders and the images faded away. “We were still engaged back then, so I had ever right to watch over you. But Gamzee, I told you before, there is no need for you to remember, so please just forget.”  
A feeling of dizziness came over him and for a moment he thought he would fall unconscious, but luckily the felling soon disappeared and only left a bit of confusion behind.

“Will you allow me to choose your clothing today as well?” Equius asked and he nodded his head, still uncertain of what just happened.  
When he felt Equius stand up and leave for the dresser, he instantly felt his focus shift and this maddening impulse of keeping them close take hold. He didn't wanted to be left alone in this darkness and he didn't want them to go.

Lastly it was only through his best effort that he didn't call out to the blue-blood and beg them to come back.

“I hope these clothes are suitable for you.” He heard them say, as they came back and was so relived when they entwine their fingers with his and gave him something physical he could hold on to.  
“They are perfect.” He replied with a smile and wondered what kind of fancy clothing Equius would make him wear today. At this point it was almost certain that everyone would figure out that he was blind, just because he dressed so unlike himself.

“Should I help you put them on or do you want to do it on your own.” He was being asked and somehow it was both a sweet and foolish question at the same time.  
“Hmm, how about we do it like yesterday and the day before?” He replied and chuckled to himself, as he laced his fingers tighter with Equius.

He really hoped that they wouldn't leave him.

Suddenly he felt Equius move closer and nearly fell backwards from this sudden intrusion of his personal space.  
“Could it be that you are laughing about me, instead of with me, my Highblood?”Equius asked him and that only made him laugh more. “Maybe a bit of both.”

“Then you leave me no other choice than to punish you for that.” He was being told and Equius ‘attacked’ him by planting hundreds of kisses all over his face. And because he couldn't just lay there and let Equius steal all these kisses from him, he decides to take his revenge. With a large smile he pulled on their arm and let himself fall backwards, pulling the blue-blood with him.

Once they were both lying on the bed he pull them down by the hair and kissed them as long as he could, before drawing back and whispering against their lips. “I love you. Please don’t ever leave me.”

“I won’t.” Was the instant reply he got and he wished he could believe that, but everyone he had always left him before and he just didn't want to go through this again  
“Will you make love to me?” He asked and immediately felt Equius freeze up.

In a soft tone he began to explain. “I never really understood what everyone found so enjoyable about sex and I still don’t. For me it was always just a way to make others stay close to me and take care of me. I used my body in exchange to get that and I liked it when they return, because it made me feel desired. Like I actually meant something to them.”  
Wistfully he smiled to himself, before confessing. “But I guess it was always more of a business trade than anything else to them and me too.” Carefully he let his fingers wander over the blue-bloods face and continued. “But it was different when it was with you and I want to feel it again. I want to know if there is actually more to sex then what I always thought there was.”

“No.” The answer came so unexpected that he thought he misheard it . “What?”  
“I said no! I refuse to play these games of yours anymore!” Equius snapped at him and he couldn’t understand what they meant.

Gently he took their hands in his own and was shocked when they pull away.  
“You are always going things like this to me.” They said and it made no sense to him.

“What do you...” He began, but Equius spoke right over his words. “First you made me fall in love with you, only to then demand of me to kill you! You forced me into a black relationship, when you knew that I only felt red for you! And then when our relationship turned a little too red for your liking, you drugged me up and forced your way into my head! And do you know the worst part of it?!” Roughly he was pushed down and felt his hands being trapped in Equius stronger ones.  
“I let you do it each and every time, because I thought you had a right to do so! I let you do it, because I couldn’t say no to you!” The grip on his hands tighten and it started to get painful.

“Equius I...” He tried again, but the other didn't let him finish.  
“But in truth you always wanted me to say no, didn’t you? You never wanted me to kill you, but instead you wished for me to save you, right? You didn’t wanted to be in a black relationship, but instead wanted me to make you see that red is better for us. You wanted me to fight and keep you from killing everyone, when you told me to kneel and give up my life. You wish of me to not give in to your mind-control powers, but instead prove to you that I could withstand them!” The grip on his hands tightened again and now it really started to hurt. “But what is it that you want me to prove now?”

 

“I already told you that I would be fine without getting to sleep with you. I already promise that I don't mind. So what is it that you want from me now. TELL ME THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER, BECAUSE I CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND YOU!” Roughly he shook his head, trying to make Equius see that this wasn't what he wanted, but was that really true? Had he secretly meant to push the other away, because someday soon they would leave him anyway? Just like everyone else did?

“please tell me the right answer, because i can't seem to find it.” Equius begged and lay there head against his shoulder.  
“i'm slowly losing my mind and everything starts to be to much for me. i just don't know what to do anymore and there seems to be no right answer. i will lose no matter what i do and there is no way out of it. so please don't toy with. i can't take it anymore. please don't rob me of the last bit of sanity i have. i beg you, my Highblood”

Roughly he shook his head again. For this wasn't what he had wanted.  
He had actually meant to do the blue-blood a favor, because they were always so kind to him and this was the only thing he could think about, to repay them.

When they let go of his hand's, he tried to reach for them, but he couldn't find them in this darkness that clouded his vision.

And then he heard leaving footsteps and the opening of a door made his heart fill with pain.  
“Don't leave me!” He begged and tried to find his way to the door, but fell over something that lay on the ground.  
“I'm sorry Gamzee, I need some time for myself.” He heard them say, as they closed the door and left him all alone.


	33. Chapter 33

He never liked the ocean all that much.  
The feeling of water clinging to you and dragging you down below.  
The knowledge of the beast's that where lurking in the depths and only waited for you to make a mistake.

The sun was shimmering on the water’s surface and he wanted to return to land, but he had promised Horrus to do this, so he couldn't back down now.

Watchful eyes follow him as he swam deeper into this dark pit and even though it were only some colorful fishes now, he had a feeling that they listened to the Empress commands and told her all about his arrival.  
It wasn't a though he liked to think about.

A shiver went down his spin as he passed this unseen bridge between the upper ocean and the depths.  
The water was far colder down here and the sunlight grew only a distant memory.

He would never understand who anyone would chose this place as their resident.

“Hold it right there.” Came the sharp inquiry that made his ears ring.  
Darkleer had once tried to explain how this cursed technology that let the seatrolls communicate underwater worked, but he hadn't quite listened and truthful he just didn't care.

The sharp outlines of the queen’s castle lay before him and he was once more reminded why he hated to be here. This place felt more like a grave than anything else.  
A watery prison that would entrap him forever.

“Lowblood's aren't allowed to enter.” Came the words of the guard and it made him roll his eyes.  
Their youthful expression let him know that they couldn't be older than 150 years and probably didn't know who they were talking to. Fucking teenagers.

“I’m the Grand Highblood and I demand an audience with the Empress.” He told them and tried not to flinch, when the water vibrated all around him.  
“I know who you are, but you are still not allowed in here dirt-blood.”  
His hands wandered to his weapon at this blatant disrespect and he really wanted to teach them a lesson, but then he let his hand's sink, for he had already killed to many peopl .

“Then how about you announce my arrival and let her decide for herself.” He declared, but before the guard could answer, it was a second voice that spoke up. “That won’t be necessary.”  
A man with two deep marks across his face stepped out of the castle and it had been such a long time since he had last seen them.

“Long time no seen,old friend.” Came Dualscars sarcastic words as they passed the threshold of the castle and stared him down with violet eyes. “Why don’t you come inside and we have a little chat.”  
“Sir I'm not allowed…” The guard tried, but the older solider spoke right over them. “I can’t remember that I asked for your input. And you should really remember your place. Understood”

In an instant the guard fell silent and Dualscars attention returned to him.  
“So what will it be, Kurloz? Will you come with me or are you to scared to even do that?” He was being asked and with a sigh he moved forward and let the force field of the castle take hold of him.  
Slowly he was being pulling to the ground and finally able to stand and move around like a normal person again. Technology could be such a wonderful miracle at times.

“Come with me the Empress is already waiting.” Dualscar told him and then turned to leave.

The castle walls were decorated with portraits of the former Queens and it made him grimace. None of them looked partially nice, but the one he hated the most was Helia the mother of the current Queen and the former Empress.  
In his younger years he had to serve under her and let's just say she thought him many things about torture.  
He still didn't like to remember that time.

‘Find my daughter and bring her back to me.’ That had been the first of many orders she had given him and he carried it out. The girl he had found had only been 7 years old. Her tiny body littered in cuts and bruises and she had begged him not to send her back, but his heart had been to cold and broken from the ‘training’ he underwent and so he had made her believe that he would protect her, only to then betray her later on.

To this day he still remembered the desperate cries she gave as the guards dragged her away and maybe that had been the moment that awoke his longing for change, but ultimatly only set him on this pointless mission that took everything from him.

“It should have been you and not her that was burned alive.” Came Dualscars words and he couldn't deny them. He should have been the one that burnt, but she had taken that place from him.

But it was strange, he knew that his wife had been killed on the streets of the town he lived in, so why could he also remember how she was burnt alive for being a witch? Why could he remember this sickening smell of her burnt flesh and hair? Why did he remember how Darkleer held him back as he tried to save her and the tears on Dualscars face, as they told him that it was already too late and there was nothing they could do anymore.

“It was your stupid revolution that got my sister killed.”  
His gaze fell to the ground upon hearing these words, for he knew them to be true. He had been so desperate to make a change that he had thrown all caution to the wind and in the end it had been everyone else that had to pay the price for his mistakes.

“But do you know what really makes me mad?”  
He didn't even get a chance to answer before Dualscar told him. “It didn’t even take you 3 months, to do the same fucked up thing again. Truly, was it really that important to free these mage's and witches from their imprisonment that you all but threw away the second chance my sister gave you? Did her giving her life for you mean nothing to you?!”

“It wasn't like that.” He answered and then nearly walked into Dualscar as they stopped walking.  
“Then what was it?”  
For a long moment he remain silent, then he confessed. “I wanted to be caught. It wasn't right that she took my place and I wanted to be with her again, but my father decided against it.”  
“You mean...” His old friend asked and he answered with a smile.“Yes I wanted to die, but instead of granting my wish I was sent to this icy prison what robed me of my sanity. And yes I know what you and Horrus did to get me back, but once in a while I wished you hadn't.”

“ I see...” Was Dualscar slowly reply and then they added as an after thought.“But you know. I won't apologize for doing what I did. Back then you were my friend and I tried my best to be there for you. After you returned from the prison you weren't quite the same person anymore, but I thought things would turn around for the better when we found that mutant-blooded priest and for a while you seemed happy. Maybe even pale for that priest?”

“All while you started to black-flirt with the yellow blood, like there was no tomorrow.” He replied and an almost smile appeared on Dualscars face. “Yeah, that bastard just made it so easy to be hated.”

Silence fell over them again as they continued to walk.

“But you know, it was strange. It almost felt like I knew them. Like I met them before or something.”  
“Yes I felt it too and it was strange how well we clicked with them. You with the yellow blood, I with the priest and Horrus with the cat, all while Dolorosa became like a mother to all of us.” A memory of the beautiful women in green appeared before him and he missed her so much. He missed all of them so very much.

“Yeah, I wished I could have saved her instead…” Dualscar began and he knew what they meant.  
“You had to do it. The Pirates mind control over her had been gone on for too long. She couldn’t be saved in any other way.”

Once more it was this deafening silence that fell over them and his eyes wandered to these strange fuchsia lights that illuminated their way. Technology was so fucking strange and beautiful at the same time.

“What exactly are you doing here Kurloz. You already took my sister from me, you tried to kill me and now you are going after my moirail? Is that what this is about? You know that Meenah is the only person I have left and if you hurt her I swear will kill you.”

“I’m not here to cause any problems and I’m sorry that I tried to kill you. I wasn’t quite in the right mind when I did.” He stated and closed his eyes as all these images of the people he killed resurfaced.  
He never wanted to be that person again.

“Yeah I know. I heard rumors about how you changed while I was at sea, but I wasn’t quite prepared for the person I found once I returned to land. If it hadn't been for Horrus I wouldn't be here today, so I guess I have to thank him for that.”

“Yeah I also owe him a lot.” He replied, as he thought about the blue-blood he loved so much. They had saved him so many times.  
When a hand was place on his shoulders, he opened his eyes again and was met with a genuine smile. “I'm glad that you are back to being the person I once knew and maybe we could met up again, just for old times sake.”

“That would be nice.” He said and meant it.  
He had truly missed his friend, but never gotten around to apologize for what he did. In a way it just didn't seem right to ask for forgiveness after what he had done. And even now he didn't feel like he deserved it.

Another smile was send his way, as they took their hand from his shoulder.  
“Anyway, we are here now and you shouldn't let the Empress wait. She isn't the most patient women.“ Dualscar told him and then knocked on the huge wooden doors in front of them.

It was just as the doors began to open, that he the others hand was on his shoulder again and they told him. “I wish you good luck with whatever you try to do here, but I have to leave now.” And with these words they waved him goodbye and left.

For a moment he looked after them and wondered if they could truly rebuild their friendship, but then he turned to the thorn room and stepped inside. .

 

+++++  
The throne room was decorated in this deep fuchsia color that he hated so much.  
Paintings of former wars were drawn on the wall and it made him sick.  
He just hated this place so very much.  
Why did she have to chose this castle as her residence?

A women was sitting on the thorn, her wild hair flowing behind her and it was truly unsettling how much she resemble her mother.

“Kneel!” Came the sharp order that he followed without hesitation. All these years of service far to clear in his mind in this place.

His eyes closed on their own behalf as he heard her stand up and felt the vibrations in the water around them as she stepped closer to him.  
“And who do we have here?” She asked in a mocking tone, that sounded just like Helia's.  
Sharp fingernails traced over his face and he didn't dare to open his eyes.

“It's been such a long time since we last saw each other, don't you think?”  
“My Empress, I have a request to make.”  
“Hush. I didn't allow you to speak and I don't want you to ruin this moment for me.” She told him and he fell silent.

“You have changed quite a lot since I last saw you, Highblood.” She told him and let her fingers run through his hair. “Were did the raging beast go that I adored so much? Was it that annoying blue-blood that brought you back to your senses?”

“I don't understand. Why would you want me to be that... thing.” He said and slowly looked up at her.  
He had never listened to her, while he had been unstable. So why would she want him to be this person again?

A terrifying smile stretched over her face as she sank down in front of him and lay her arms around him.  
“Because I liked seeing you suffer.” She told him and he couldn't help but ask. “Why?”  
“Because I once saw you as my savior and I feel in love with you, but then you betrayed me and now I want you to suffer the same way as I did.”

Quietly he sat there as she moved closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder.  
“And do you want to know something else?” She asked and he nodded his head without knowing if he truly wanted to know.

“I was the one that ordered for your wive to be killed and if your moirail wouldn't be protected by his Void powers, then I would have killed him too.”  
Before he knew what he was doing, he already felt the knife in his hands and pushed it deep into her back.

Fuchsia blood mixed with the water around them and he didn't know if he was ashamed of his action or not. In a way he remembered the girl he betrayed so long ago, but as she moved away for him he only saw the women that killed his wife.

“Oh my, how aggressive you are again. But you should know...” A sharp pain ran through his body and he could feel a deep wound form on his back, exactly were he had stabbed the Empress. “... I have my very own kind of magic.”

His own blood gathered in the water around him and he felt dark spots blind his vision  
Her lips brush over his as she whispered. “And my magic allows me to steal the life-force of the people around me and so I let you take the wound you tried to inflict on me.”

His underdeveloped gills weren't capable of providing him with the oxygen he needed.  
The world was spinning around him and it was all to much.  
Would this place be his grave?

“Don't worry I won't let you die here.” She told him and it was hard to see her in this purple mist that surrounded him. “After all you haven't payed enough for what you did to me.”  
Sharp fingernails cut into his arms, as she pulled him closer and lay her arms around him. “I will take everything from you, just like you took everything from me.” She whispered into his ear and let here fingers wander through his hair.

“And I think the next person on my list will be the son you adore so much.” He could feel the smile on her lips, as she kissed his cheek.  
“And as a favor to you I will let him die in the same way as his mom once did, but this time I will make certain that the baby dies too.”

And it was to these words that he lost consciousness.


	34. Chapter 34

Age 14 GHB:

The smell of despair hung in the room, but he didn’t care.  
She told him to do this and so he did it without hesitation.

Cold fingers wrapped around his chest and he felt her presence behind him.  
“You did great, Helios.” She told him and his heart fluttered in delight, for he always loved it when she addressed him by this name she had given him.

Long ago he had held a different name.  
One that his lusus gave him, but then they left without a word of goodbye and he had felt so hopeless.  
It had been the Empress that took him in and gave him new meaning in life.  
He would never be able to repay such kindness.

Yes he had been scared, when her soldiers appeared on the beach and dragged him away into the ocean.  
Yes he had been terrified when he was pulled into the depths of the sea, where his undeveloped gills couldn’t really support him anymore, but it had all been so that he could met her.  
His beloved Empress, the light of his existence.

Each time she hit him was so that he could better himself.  
Each time she tortured him, was so that he could understand how much she cared.  
Each time she chained him up in and left him for days, was so that he would learn to never disobey her again.  
Each time she made him torture someone else was so that he would learn how to survive in this cruel world.

She was the only one that ever cared for him.  
She was the only one that loved him.  
She was the only thing that mattered.

The girl chained to the table was twitching in her bindings.  
Her mouth opened to screams, but no words came out for her voice had given out for long ago.  
Teary fuchsia eyes looked up at him and it bothered him how much she resembled her mother.  
She had no right to look like his beloved Empress.

The arms around him tightened and his heart was racing.  
He had promised this girl that he would save her, but it had all been a lie from the start.  
He would never serve anyone else then his beloved Empress.

“Does it bother you?”Helia asked and he shook his head, for it wasn't supposed to bother him.  
“This girl will one day be my replacement, but she still needs to learn so many things. Will you deny her to learn them?”Once more he shook his head, because he knew how important these lessons were. But…  
…the girl’s eyes were so wide and fearful.  
Her lips quivering and an expression of disbelieve written across her face.  
How could this be the same girl that smiled at him so brightly only hours before?

“Have you forgotten what you promised me?”  
For another time he shook his head, for how could he.  
All this time she was training him was so that one day he could kill his Ancestor –the current Grand Highblood- and become the new leader of the land-trolls.  
He and his Empress would renew the bond between the land and sea trolls and stop this age old conflict between the two races. It needed to be done

And he would do whatever it took to see her goal come true.

“Then do it.” She whispered and he followed her command without question.  
His hands were steady as he began to cut the girl’s stomach open and only seconds later the horrified screams started.  
Blood gushed from the wound and the girl was trashing in her bindings, but he let didn’t let her go.  
She needed to learn the consequences of her actions. She needed to learn that she couldn't simply run from her duties like a fucking coward.

The Empress fingers wandered over his stomach and drew a line over it to mimic his actions.  
The smelled of blood was in the air and he hated it.  
But at least the girl’s blood was really pretty, so he didn’t minded as much.

She had the same beautiful color his Empress held, so he could never mind it.

+++

Age 14.5

Blankly he stared at the lake he found on the training ground.  
It was nothing like the wide ocean he gotten used to, but that was to be expected.  
She had send him here to infiltrate the Grand Highbloods layer, but he missing his true home.  
The vast space and the dark abyss of the ocean, he had learned to love.

The letter she gave him was in his hand and slightly torn from how many times he had already read it.

In his peripheral he noticed the 'shadow' that was following him for a while now and knew that it would be better if he didn't awake any suspicion.  
In the first few weeks it had been difficult for him to spot them, because he was used to the feel the presence of magic instead of the absence of it, but now he was more used to it.

Quietly he set down in grass and looked out at the lake, wondering how long they would observe him today.  
In his mind he had already come to the conclusion that his ancestor had send out this Void mage to observe him and inform them about his actions. So he definitely shouldn’t give them any reason to report him. For that wouldn't be good at all.

“I... I'm sorry, I don’t wish to bother you.” Came a timed voice to his right and he turned his head toward it.  
The Void mage that stood before him was a lot young than he had expected – probably the same age as himself- and he couldn’t understand why they would drop their magic shield around him. Was this another test?

“I… I was wondering… if we could be friends.” The kid asked shyly and even while their words seemed honest, he didn’t believe them for a second. They were probably trying to find out his secrets by first pretending to be his friend and then betraying him to his father. He wouldn’t fall for it.

“No. I don’t want any friends.” He declared and stood up. In a swift motion he turned away from them and was about to walk away, when his arm was grabbed. Surprisingly enough the others hold was rather strong and he found it difficulties to free himself, something he never experience while fighting against his peers.

“Let go!” He said, after several failed attempts of getting free and the boy instantly let go.  
“I'm sorry. I didn't intend to hurt you!” He was told and it made him roll his eyes.  
“Don't flatter yourself, you didn't hurt me.” He snapped and the others eyes widened.  
“You mean...”The other began and took his hand before he had a time to escape. “I really didn't hurt you?” The boy questioned and he really didn't understand what they meant. Yes their grip was rather tight and bordered on painful, but he was used to far worse.

“As I already said. Don't flatter yourself. You might be strong, but you aren't that strong.”  
The kid’s eyes light up and he tried to back away, but the other didn’t let him.  
“I already knew that we had a connection when I first heard your name, but this proves it even more. We are going to be such great friends. I just know it!”

“What?” He asked concerned, as the kid moved into his personal space and refused to let go of his hand.  
“I watched you and therefore I know that you also want to make friends with someone, right?”

“Speak for yourself and leave me out off it.” He stated angrily and once more tried to free his hands, but unfortunately it was no use.  
“But you miss your home too, right?! And you don’t want to be alone anymore, right?”  
And that hit a little too close to how he really felt. Yes, he hated to be alone, for it always reminded him of the day his lusus abandoned him and he never wanted to be that alone again.

“You don't even know what you’re talking about.” He snapped and hated how the others look turned soft. He didn’t want their pity. He didn’t need it. He had a mission to carry out and that was all that mattered.  
“My name is Horuss and from now on you don’t need to be alone anymore.” The other boy told him and for some reason he didn't try to escape away anymore.

+++++++++

Age 17:

The sun was shining down on him, reflecting on the water’s surface and lighting up the area.  
Summer was just around the corner and he wondered how much longer he needed to stay in this confined space that had been his prison for several years now.

Horuss was leaning against him in their sleep and he noticed the dark circles under their eyes.  
“You really need to take better care of yourself.” He whispered to his best friend and felt guilty that he was responsible for their lack of sleep.  
In truth he had never asked Horuss to help him spy on the Empress targets, but they gave their help nevertheless and he couldn’t deny that their Void magic was coming in handy, but still…. he didn’t like putting his best friend in danger. It just wasn't right.

“Have you been worried about me?” The other had asked, when he found them half-asleep against the old willow tree and he had answered truthfully. “I’m always worried about you.”  
He had returned the smile Horuss gave him at that and then set down beside them, leading him to the current situation of having to remain still or waking his best friend up.

For a while everything was silent, but then he heard it: The sound of approaching footsteps.  
A violet blood? What could they want?  
“Are you Horuss?” The stranger asked and that made him close the book he had been reading.  
“No, but what would you want from them?” He asked calmly, trying not to give away that they almost asked the right person.

A scowl appeared on the older man's face and frustration radiated of them as they sank down to eye level and said. “But you know them, right?” The  
“Who knows? How about you tell me what you want first.”

That made the violet blood sigh and sit down.  
“I heard he is really good at gathering information's and there is someone I need to find. We got separated on conscription day and ever since then I tried to find her, but without luck. I was hoping that he could help me with that.” The violet blooded said and then mustered him with suspicion. “Your horns... they remind me of someone’s.”

“Yes I am the Grand Highblood's descendant.” He replied flatly, for many people had already pointed out the resemblance he shared with the old man on the throne..  
“That actually wasn't the person I was thinking about...” The violet blood answered and that was new.  
“Then who are you referring to?” He asked, but immediately regretted his question when they answered. “A huge Seagoat that lost the person they wanted to protect.”

Pain filled his heart as he was reminded of his former lusus. They had abandoned him when he needed them most and they never even gave him an explanation for it.  
“I have no lusus, so that has nothing to do with me.” He stated flatly and tried not to let his anger and sadness show.

“Your expression says something else, but whatever. I will just give you the message he gave me for you and you can decide if it resonates with you or not.”  
“I don't want to hear it.” He replied sternly, but that didn't seemed to bother the violet blood at all.  
“Well, I don’t care. I gave a promised to them and I intend to keep it.”

For a moment he thought about shutting them up by starting a fight, but then decided against it, for he always wanted to know why his lusus left him behind and this might be the only chance he ever got at getting an answer.  
“Fine! Go on, but make it short.” He finally said and hoped he wouldn’t regret his decision.

“10 years or so ago, my sister and I found a large sea goat that was near the point of dying and I truly thought they were done for, but my sister wasn't willing to give up on them and so she forced me to take them home with us. Over several weeks she nursed them back to health, but do you know what they kept on repeating? ‘I need to go. Someone took my son from me and I need to find him’. My sister had to forcefully keep them down, because they were so desperate to find whoever they lost and wouldn’t listen to reasons.”

A cold feeling settled in his heart upon hearing these words and he couldn't understand it. He had waited so long for his lusus to return. So many days had passed by in his search for them, but he never found them. And even the Empress soldiers hadn’t been able to find them.

Or… had they even looked?  
Had his Empress lied to him, when she promised that they would do everything to find his lusus?

A cold shutter ran down his spine, as he remembered the relieved expression she wore when he had told her that he was done searching for his lusus and while he once thought that it was so that he wouldn’t hurt himself any longer, he now couldn't shake the feeling that it had been due to something else… That she was relieved that he was finally giving up on his lusus and starting to believe her.

No that couldn't be true. He refused to believe it.  
“You are lying.” He hissed and rage blossomed in his soul.  
How dare this stranger telling him all these filthy lies. But...  
“What reason would I have to lie?” The violet blood asked and thereby voicing the same question he just had.

“Look, I really don't care if you believe me or not. I just remembered the promise I gave them when I saw your horns and that is all I did. In truth I couldn't care less if you believe me or not, but just so you know he is still probably waiting for you to return home. And if you want to know why I know that? Well here is why: Because he often came to visit me and my sister when we still lived with our lusus and he told us about his search for you.” A moment of silence followed and then the other let him know. “It always made my sister sad when he couldn’t find you and maybe that is why I let you know. Or maybe it is because I finally know what it’s like to try and find the person you want to protect most, but aren’t able to find them anywhere.”

And there was only one thing he could do to repay this stranger for all these valuable information's they just gave him. “Yes, I know Horuss and I’m certain that he will help you find your sister. What’s your and your sister’s name?  
“Cronus and Selen Ampora.”

++++++++++++++

Age 18:  
It was on the first mission he was send too: A small town with rebellious low-bloods that needed to be taken care of. He had volunteered for the job, for it was close to his former home and he needed to know if the violet blood had told him the truth.

He need to know if his Empress had lied to him for all this time.

“He might not be here at the current time.” Horuss had warned him as he stood there in front of his former home and their warning had turned out to be correct, but to his surprise he found a letter that confirmed all his suspicions: His lusus had never abandoned him, but instead it had been the Empress that kidnapped him and tried to kill his lusus, so that she could form him into her perfect purple-blooded prince.  
Her kindness had always been a lie.

“Did you find anything” Horuss had asked, as he came back outside and he told them. “My lusus left me a letter with the dates were he would come back to this house and I will try to find him then. But now we need to focus on our current mission, our detour has taken long enough.”  
And in fact they arrived 4 days later in the town of Elina than they should have, but it was only once they reached the town's gates that they knew what a grand mistake they made.

~~~

The smell of burned flesh hung heavy in the air and he couldn't believe what he was seeing.  
The ground was drenched in blood and there were so many bodies.  
Young and old were thrown together on piles, like their lives held no value at all.  
And then he saw it.

A purple-blooded solider standing next to one of these piles and holding a torch to them.  
A disgusted expression one their face as if he regarded these people as nothing more than garbage and that was when the rage took hold of his mind.

There had been a second reason why he had been so eager to take on this mission.  
The town of Elina had been rumored to be a sanctuary for people like him that held magic abilities and he had been looking forward to find others that went through the same troubles as him.  
Yes, his status as a Highblood made it easier for him to hide his abilities, but that didn't mean he could escape once the wrong people realize what he truly was.  
And that was why he had been looking forward to find others like himself and help them deal with their situation, but this man took that chance from him.

With a angry growl he reached for his weapon and crossed the distance between himself and the man.  
The astonished look on the soldiers face filled him with glee and a wide grin stretched across his face, as he drew his sword back and already saw the man's head splattered on the ground.  
But then he was suddenly pulled back and he couldn't understand why Horuss would do that until he heard them say. “Look around you. You can't let them know.” And that was when he noticed the other soldiers that stood all around him and the form of a person he never wanted to see again.

“So you are finally here to join the party.”General Zentri asked and it made him sick to see them.  
“Why are you here?” He offered as a form of greeting and the General gave him a dismissive look.  
“It's simple really. Our king assigned you the duty to deal with the troublemakers of this town and he assigned me with the duty to observe your actions.” Slowly they stepped forward, till they were directly in front of him. “But do you know what I found when I arrived here.” They didn't even give him a chance to reply, before striking him hard across the face. “I found that you hadn't even arrived. And that leaves one question.” Sharp purple eyes mustered him with disdain. “Where have you been for all this time?”

Silently he contemplated what to say, but the realized that his best choice was to tell the truth. “I visited my former home to see if I could find my lusus.”  
Disdain turned into disgusted and the General growled at him. “So you want to tell me that you still cling to your lusus like a frightened child? Have they taught you nothing in the academy? I truly didn't expect much of you, but you even failed to reach these low expectations I held for you. You are truly not worthy of your position my prince.” Roughly they took hold of his hair and forced him to look up.“So here is the deal boy. I had to do your job for you, but you can do the clean-up yourself, understood?!”  
Weakly he nodded his head and they let go of him.  
“Good. And I think you should begin by fulfilling the duty of the person you so rudely interrupted.” The General stated and the solider with the torch to step forward.

Red flames danced before him, as the torch was held out to him and he knew that he had no choice.  
Red was all that he saw, as he stepped forward and took the torch.  
She told him that he was doing the right thing and he obey her without hesitation.

“Please don't... don't do it..” He heard the corpses whisper and he saw their eyes fill with tears.  
Their bodies turned to him and their cold fingers tried to reach for him, but he wasn't allowed to show any mercy.  
She didn't allow him to show any mercy.  
And then he almost felt the Empress cold arms around him, as he set them on fire and watched them burn.

 

+++

Numbly he walked through the destroyed town and looked at the crumbling houses.  
Could he have change their fate if he hadn't made the detour to his old home?  
Was he to blame for their deaths?

Horuss had tried to talk to him about what happened, but he needed to be alone and thankfully they understood.  
He was really glad that he had them.

Everything was so quiet in this town that seemed to hold no more life and that was what made him let his guard down and get caught by surprised when there was suddenly a knife pressed against his neck.  
“Are you with them?” A female voice asked and he closed his eyes, accepting whatever judgment she would give him. He had no right to object.

“Selen stop.” Came a different voice and he opened his eyes again, for he knew that voice.  
The man that appeared before him looked a lot older then when he last saw them and two deep cuts ran across their face, but there was no doubt.“It's good to see you again, Cronus. But what happened to your face?” He asked instinctively and Cronus ran his fingers over the scars.

“Well you know how it goes. I was trying to healing someone with magic and they attacked me for my trouble.”They said and shrugged their shoulders. “You know how the people in this country are. So afraid of what they don't understand that they would destroy us even while we try to help them.” Though Cronus tried to deliver the statement sounding lighthearted, it came out bitter and resentful and he understood the feeling. He shared it.

“You know him?” The female asked and Cronus nodded his head. “He is a mage like me, so I don't think he will betray us to the authorities, right?”  
“I don't plan on it, but what brings you here?”

“We live here... or rather lived here. We were in a nearby town as the attack happened and came back as soon as we heard about it, but as you can see we were far to late.” Cronus explained in a defeated tone and Selen spoke up. “But we can't give up now. We still have a promise to uphold.”

“What promise” He asked and the women looked at him. “As you might heard this town inhabited quite a few mages and in truth the mayor herself was a witch. She made all of us promise that if something happened to her or this town, we should try to rebuild it and make it so that it remains to be a sanctuary for witches and mages. Will you help us with that?”

“Yes.” He spoke the answer before his mind even had a chance to register what he just agreed too, but then he realized that he would never answer differently, so it didn't matter. He would help them fulfill their promise no matter the cost.

++++

Age 25:

“Are your sure you know what you are doing?” Goatdad asked in this softly voice they always used when they weren't fine with the decision he made, but knew there was no changing his mind.  
“Yes I am. Everyone always lied to me and tried to use me for their own plans. First the Empress with her lies and then my father that tried to form me into this perfect little soldier. It's time for me to follow my own path and fight for the things I believe in.”

…......  
…..  
…

But I didn't know what I was doing and my foolish dreams took everything from me.

First they took my heart and let her burn alive.  
Then they took my diamond and let him bleed out in front of a crowed.  
Next they took my clover that tried to mend my breaking bond with Horrus and let her hang from the rope she created for another.  
And at last I ripped apart my black mates heart, because I knew I could never save him.  
...  
And now I'm alone, because everyone left me.

 


	35. Chapter 35

GHB POV:  
His body was aching with ever step he took, but he knew the pain would be far worse if his old friend hadn't healed the worst of his injuries and so he tried to ignore the searing pain as best as he could... It didn't work that well. 

Upon reaching his office he found the door to be open and new paperwork waiting for him.  
'Why can you just do yourself?' He wondered angrily as he entered the room and set down in his chair.   
He hated all this fucking paperwork and his hatred was only intensified by the knowledge that it was mostly pointless.   
If the other houses truly wished to revolt against him, then they would do so regardless of the contracts they once signed. All these documents were ultimately just for show and didn't offer protection.   
It was all so very pointless. 

With a deep sigh he pulled the papers closer to himself and took the first of them.  
Ice ran down his spine as the words entered his brain and formed a sentence in it.   
“I will take everything from you like you took everything from me.” Was written in fuchsia blood on it and he snapped. 

The sound of shattering glass echoed through the room.   
Wood burst in his grip and even metal couldn't be saved from his rage.  
And then everything was broken and he sank to the ground, once more remained that he was still nothing more than an instinct driven beast that couldn't be controlled.   
And just like all these times before he wouldn't be able to save the person that meant most to him. 

History just had this cruel way of always repeating itself.  
And she would take his son from him. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++  
Equius POV:

Dark cracks ran over the sky and rain poured down from above.  
This world was breaking apart, yet still he found himself unable to do anything about it, for he was to afraid of leaving this dream behind and become the Void again. He didn't wish to return to the Void, but what he feared even more was becoming the person his future had shown him to be. 

He would rather die then become that thing, but unfortunately the Void had even taken that chance from him, leaving him with nothing else then desperately clinging to this illusion Gamzee created and draining them of their energy. Just like a parasite he was drained them of their life-force and he just couldn't stop himself from doing so. He knew his Void magic was leaking from him and tearing this world apart even faster, but he still couldn't bring himself to leave. 

He just wanted to stay in this dream and never wake up.   
He wanted to rest here and forget everything he knew.   
Was that so much to wish for?

“What have you done.” Came the accusing words of Gamzee's brother and he knew them to be the real thing instead of the replica he had become used to in this world.  
“I was wondering when you would find your way into this world.” He said as a form of greeting and practically felt the angry glare the other Makara gave him.   
“Not thanks to you! And anyway you promised me a paradise not a broken world that was moments from collapsing.” 

“I never promised you anything. In fact I told you how foolish it was to think Gamzee was some kind of Messiah that would lead you into a promised land or something like that. I told you that even though he inherited a part of his mothers creation magic, he is still foremost a Rage-Player and those are best at destroying everything.”

Dark clouds wandered over the horizon and he wondered if he would ever see them again.  
He wanted to go outside and feel the rain on his skin, but first he needed to end this pointless conversation. 

“Still, this world is falling apart far quicker than it should be and you will tell me why!” Kurloz demanded and when he turned to them he saw purple eyes muster him with disdain. Not that he minded. There was no love lost between them. He had never been a fan of Gamzee's brother and when they tried to enter his mind he was once more reminded why. 

When bloody tears filled the purple-bloods eyes and ran down their face, he couldn't even say that he was sorry about it. “I already told you that your chuckle-voodoo holds no power over me. So you should have known better.” He told them, but then found himself surprised when they only started to laugh. 

“You know my Horuss also reached god-tier, but his powers could never compete with yours. It is almost like...” A large grin stretched over Kurloz face. “A prince becoming a king, a page becoming a knight and a Heir becoming a ...”

His hands closed around the others neck before he even made the conscious decision to do so and it made him wonder how much he had already changed. Why did he feel no remorse for lifting the purple-blood of the ground and watching them gasp for air. Was he already turning into this monster he feared so much. 

“This conversation is over and if you know whats good for you, you will stay out of my way from here on out.” He finally spoke and let the other fall to the ground. “And you really shouldn't speak about things you have no knowledge about.” He said as a from of goodbye and left the room. 

 

++++++  
   
Gamzee POV:  
   
Soft feathers moved against his face and brushed his tears away.  
Like always it hadn't taken his Familiars long to notice his sadness and come to spend him company.    
He was so glad that he had them.  
   
Gently he petted Sun's soft fur, while laying his face against Moon's feathers.  
“I love both of you so much.” He declared and his Familiars moved closer to him.   
“I wouldn't know what to do without you.”

When Moon gave a few low crocks he knew what they wanted to tell him, but he couldn't accept such an offer. Yes his chuckle-voodoo would allowed him to take over the mind of his Familiars and see through their eyes, but he was afraid that his condition would destroy their eyesight too and so he just couldn't risk it. 

“Maybe another time,” he whispered and then stood up. “Now I have to find Equius and make things right between us.” He said with more confidence than he felt and made his way out of the room, his Familiars right behind him.

When he entered the hallway he found that the darkness had loosened up a bit and that was good.  
It meant that he was still able to detect some differences in the lightning of the rooms and that was better then nothing. 

Blindly he felt for the railing, till his fingers brushed something cold and metal.   
'Finally found you,' he thought and then instantly grabbed on to the cold metal before it could escape him again. 'And now I only have to get down these stairs.' he thought as he took his first carefully step and then repeated the process. 

For a while everything worked out fine and he gained confidence in his steps, but then he slipped on something wet and found himself falling.   
In a panic he let go of the railing -to stop his fall with his hands-, but unfortunately only ended up toppled down the stairs and landing on the floor below with a loud crash. 

Loud meowing and fluttering of wings followed him on his way down and when he reached the end of the stairs he found his Familiars right beside him. “I'm fine. I'm really fine.” He told them with soft laughter, as they moved around him and inspect him with loud meowing and croaking.  
“I'm really okay,” He said with as much confidence as he could find and stood up, only to then sink back down with a loud scream, as a sharp pain shoot through his leg. Did he fucking break his leg or something like that?! That couldn't be fucking true! 

Fast footsteps approached him and only a few seconds later he heard a concerned voice ask: “Gamzee are you alright?”   
“Equius?!”He replied and tried to stand up again, but then immediately regretted his decision.   
Fuck he really should have thought better about that.

Just as he was about to fall down again, it were two strong arms that caught him and helped him stand up. “What happened?” Equius asked concerned and a smile formed on his lips. Equius caring personality was such a nice difference to the cold indifference he had been faced with for most of his life.

He was just about to tell the other that he was fine, when his answer was interrupted by another voice. “So that's the reason.” Came his brother voice and he didn't understand why they sounded angry.

“You couldn't keep your bulge out of my brothers nook and now he is pregnant, making him use most of his magic to sustain the parasite growing inside his body!” He heard his brother scream and then felt his body freeze up when the clicking of a gun sounded through the hallway.   
What the fuck was going on?!

“And what exactly do you plan to do now? Shoot your own brother? For what? You know that this world will collapse the second he is dead.” Equius hissed and then gently moved him to the side so that he could lean against the wall. 

He still didn't understand anything.  
“Equius what...” He began, but was once more interrupted by his brother.

“I never said anything about killing him. In fact I will only help him getting rid of the virus nside his body, like a good older brother should.” Kurloz growled and he heard them take a step closer. “Sending one bullet straight through his stomach won't kill him. After all he once survived being shoot over 90 times.”

Silence fell over the room, then it was Equius that spoke up again. Their voice was so cold that it send a shiver down his spine. “I will give you one last chance, because you are Gamzee's brother. Leave and never return or face consequences of your decision.” 

Manic laughter filled the room and he wondered if his laughter sounded equally as terrifying as his brothers did. “Look around you Void Player, what exactly are you trying to protect. This world is dying, my brother is dying, everything is dying and it's all your fault. Your Void magic is draining the life-force out of everything and you try to make me feel bad? Look around you and see what a hypocrite you are!” His brother screamed and he was about to interject something to make them stop fighting, when a cold hand was pressed over his face and kept him from calling out. 

“I'm sorry Gamzee I really don't want to do this, but I'm so tried of losing everyone I love.” He heard his father say and felt something metallic being pressed against his back. “And if my older son is right then I don't have to lose you if I do this.”

The deafening sound of a gun shoot was the last thing he heard before he fell unconscious


	36. Chapter 36

Gamzee POV:

Flickering lights filled this prison he was kept in.  
Their small glow not enough to illuminating the place, but enough to make him wish that they would just stay dead.  
Time and time again he watched them die down only to see them light up again, like the stupid fucks they were.  
They were just like him.  
They were just as stupid as he was.

The coldness of the place sank into his bones and filled him up from the inside.  
He just wanted to forget.  
He just wanted to forget it all.

His stomach was burning, but he didn’t wish to remember why that was.  
He didn't wish to remember what the doctors said.  
“I'm sorry there was nothing we could do for your child.”

Warm fingers brushed through his hair, but he pushed them away.  
Wanting to be left alone with his thoughts.  
“Gamzee, please let us talk about it. Please don't shut me out.”  
Instead of answering he rolled to the side and closed his eyes, not wanting to talk about any of this.

The flickering lights were all he woke up to.  
Their illuminating shine all that kept the darkness at bay.  
Their shine was all that mattered. Their light. Their warmth.  
They were his new god.

“Gamzee, it has been weeks and you don't even allow me to see you anymore. My Void ability makes it hard from me to stay in this realm and so I need you to allow me to be here... but instead you are blocking me out and I don't know what to do about it.”His eyes closed again and the stranger disappeared from sight, almost as if they never been there in the first place.

A warm hand was placed on face and blue eyes looked at him with concern. “Please speak to me. Say something. Anything. I can’t stand this silence anymore. Cry. Yell. Curse me if you want. Just please stop ignoring me.”  
Who was this stranger that kept on showing up? And why were they crying?  
It didn’t make much sense to him and he didn’t really care.  
The lights were the only thing that mattered.  
The only gods that existed in this cruel universe.  
He knew that everything would be alright, as long as they remained by his side.

His fingers were burning.  
Blood covered the walls and he wondered if he had tried to claw his way out of this cell again, but no, there were strange symbols covering the walls and they looked to intentional to be made on accident.  
The blue eyed person was back again, but this time they seemed to be angry with him.  
“I told you not to do this again.” They said darkly, as they keeled down beside him and bandaged his bloody hands.  
“Your Lord of Time doesn't care enough to save you.” They hissed, but he just wondered who that Lord of Time was. Somehow they seemed familiar.

More and more strange symbols filled the room and his hands were burning.  
The flickering lights were gone -smashed to pieces-, but he didn't care.  
He had a new god he could pray to.

A soft kiss was placed to his forehead, but he didn’t open his eyes.  
“Losing our child was hard for me too and there wasn’t a day since then that I haven't blamed myself for failing to protect you. But please come back to me. Please don’t make me lose you too.” Something wet and hot landed on his face, but he didn't care.  
His god would save him soon enough. He just needed to wait a little longer.

Blood was ran down his fingers, but he didn’t care.  
He needed to finish these symbols.  
His Lord of Time would come back to him and make everything right.  
His Lord of Time would bring him to the paradise he had been promised.

“And you still believe that?” A different voice asked and when he turned around he found Doc Scratch watching him intently, a strange look on their face.  
“I guess it's true. Once a fool, always a fool.”

Had his gods truly left him behind?  
There was so much blood covering the walls.  
So many symbols he had drawn.  
But his Lord never came.  
They had left him behind, just like everyone always had.

“And if you were honest, you would realize that you never even believe to get saved in the first place. Isn't that right?” Doc Scratch said and maybe they were right. But how could he admit to that?  
So instead of answering their question he asked one himself. “Who are you?”  
For a moment everything went silent, then they laughed at him. “You really don't remember? I’m Doc Scratch. First guardian of Alternia and the person you hate most.”

“That wasn't what I meant.” He replied, but then realized that he wasn't entirely certain what he actually meant to ask in the first place. Yes he remembered who Doc Scratch was, but something about them didn't seem right and it wasn't just the fact that they didn't wear their Glass orb over their head.  
Something about their eyes wasn't right and than he realized it. “Green eyes really don’t suit you.”  
Unamused laughter filled the room. “Believe me I know.”

Many days passed by with no one to spend them with.  
Day and night bleed into one another without a difference.  
His eyes drifted shut with nothing else to do and he tried to remember the face of the blue eyed stranger.  
“Just when will you return to me?” He wondered as he realized that they hadn't visited him in a long time.  
Could it be that he actually missed them

“I never left.” He heard someone say and his eyes flew open, the name of the stranger almost back in his mind, but then he notice that it was just Doc Scratch and all his excitement faded away.  
“So you found your ridiculous glass orb again?” He said in a way of greeting and sank back down on his mattress.  
“Didn't realize you could be so insecure.”

Hollow laughter followed his statement and was it just him or did Doc Scratch act stranger than usual?  
“I didn't find it. I created just for this meting.” They told him and then added in a whisper. “I hoped you would allow me to see you one last time, if I looked just like them.”

“Sorry I don't seem to follow.” He stated flatly and rolled to his side, hoping the monster would take the hint and just leave him alone. “Just say what you want and leave. You already took my soul from me and so there is nothing left that I could give you and even if there was I wouldn't give it to you. Making a deal with you has been the worst thing I ever did in my life.”

A warm hand was placed on his and he pushed it away with force.  
He was just about to ask if they had completely lost their mind, when then they took off their ridiculous glass orb and blue eyes looked back at him.

“Equius?” He said before his mind could catch up to the situation and it was with this one word that he remembered all that he had forced himself to forget.  
“I'm so glad that you finally recognize me again.” They said with a smiled and took his hand. “You wouldn't even believe how happy that makes me.”

“Why are you dressed like Doc Scratch.” He couldn't help but ask and Equius smile fell.  
“I guessed that you would ask that question, but somehow I wished to have more time.” They said and took their hand away from his, almost making him wish that he hadn't asked. “You see I'm not the Equius of this time line. In my world I was killed before Feferi created the dream bubbles and so it was upon my dead that I became the essence of my Class and Aspect and therefore reached God Tier in a way that was never planed. With that advantage at hand, I managed catch Doc Scratch of guard and kill them. Or so I thought.” A distant look came over their face, as they stood up and walked down the few steps the cell had to offer. “Yes I killed them, but only because they allowed me to do so and upon their passing they forced their place on me, making me the new Lord of Void. My eyes turned green because I now get my powers from the green Sun and the only reason why you see me have blue eyes now is because I wear contacts. My natural eye-color faded away long ago.”  
A tired smile formed on Equius face as they continued. “And you can't even imagine the kind of powers the green Sun is giving me. It's a kind of power that no one should ever have and it scares me, because I can't control it. With only a wish I could erase everything from this dimension and with that I don't only mean every person, plant or planet I mean time and space itself. But even with all this power there is still so much that I can't do.”

A longing look overtook their face as their gaze fell on him. “You see my abilities are only good at erasing everything I love, but yours are different. You can destroy and create alike and that is quite the wonderful ability to have, yet I can't help but wished that you hadn't taken on so much of your mothers powers.”

“Why is that?” He asked and Equius smile turned to one of regret.  
“I tried to make you forget that our child was killed, because it was breaking your mind apart.” They said and their gaze lowered to the ground. “But I wasn't able to do so because your mother was the Muse of Hope and you inherited much of that powers even if you can't control it. Her powers cancel mine out.”

Once more they turned away from him and let their finger wander over one of the strange symbols. “You see, it was only because you called upon Doc Scratch to break the contract you once signed with them that I was able to enter your universe in a physical form. But instead of fulfilling your request and breaking the contract we once made, I couldn't help but lie and keep the truth hidden from you. I wanted more time and so I took it from you. I wanted to be real again and so I used you to make it happen.” He saw Equius shoulders shake with sorrow, as they added. “And I want to ask for your forgiveness, but I know I don't feel sorry for what I did, because I still don't want to say goodbye.” He saw blue tears roll down the others face and he wanted to hug them and hold them close, but they didn't let him do so. Always moving further away when he tried to get close.

“Please don't do this. I already don't want to leave. So I beg you not to make this any harder for me. My presence is slowly killing you from the inside, because I can't sustain this form on my own and so I draw from your energy. I'm the reason this world is break apart. I'm the reason you didn't have enough magic to save yourself and our child. It's all my fault.”

On numb feet he tried to move closer to his matesprite, but with every step he took forward they moved one back, even while the room shouldn't be wide enough for them to do so. “Equius, I don't understand. You aren't responsible for our child's death.”  
“But I am. And I can never make up for it, but there is at least something I can give you. One last parting gift if you will.”

“Equius, whatever you plan on doing. Just don't do it.” He called out, but the other just smiled at him with that sad look in their eyes and out of the nothingness appeared a white scroll that he recognized to be the contract he once signed.“I have no other choice then to do this if I want to make things at least somewhat alright again. We once signed this contract with the condition that it could only be broken when both of us are present, but we never agreed on the term that both parties needed to be okay with the removal of the bond.”  
Once more he tried to reach his matesprite, but they evaded him time and time again.

“Then how do you want to break it? I once signed the contract with the real Doc Scratch and you are just his replacement.” He said and a fearful expression appeared in Equius eyes.  
“Don't you understand. I'm not just his replacement. There was only ever one Lord of Void and there was always only one Doc Scratch. And it was always me. When I killed the old Doc Scratch I killed an older version of myself. I am Doc Scratch.”

“Equius, that doesn't make any sense. Doc Scratch was active long before you were ever born, so how could you be them?”

“Because I'm the Lord of Void. Time and Space hold no control over me. And though I can't control my powers yet, I will one day and then I will turn into that monster I hate so much. I will laugh at every ones misery and use all of you as nothing more than discardable chess pieces. This was my destiny right from the start and it only took me a eternity to understand. But...” The look of fear turned to one of determination and that scared Gamzee even more. “...I'm not that person now and so I can still do some good. I can still rewrite our history and making it so as if we never signed this contract in the first place. i can still make a change” And with these words they ripped the contract apart, before he had a chance to stop them.

With a sudden force he was thrown backwards and the world around him dissolved into nothingness.  
All the memories he made since the beginning of the game faded away from existence.  
Time was turning backward and there was nothing he could do about it.  
“Goodbye Gamzee. May we see each other again in a different life.”

The green Moon disappeared from Alternia.  
He never signed the contract with Doc Scratch.  
They never played the game.  
And he never met all his friends in person.

With a loud bang he landed on the ground and felt his head spinning.  
What the fuck just happened.  
Why the fuck was he back inside his hive, when he had just been outside waiting for his lusus to return home.

When he heard Moon move right next to him and demanding some attention, he gave it to them willingly, but then found himself wonder why they were even here. Hadn't they just been outside hunting for apples and fruits or whatever they were hunting for. Why were they back so early?

His confusion only grew when he heard Sun meow for him and then noticed the strange clothes he was wearing as he knelled down to pick them up.  
This certainly wasn't something he would pick out for himself and so it left the question who did.  
And then he noticed the silver necklace that was wrapped around his arm and all his memories returned.

Without wasting another second he logged in to his trollian account and felt his heart skip a beat when he read the others user name.

TC logged in:

TC: Could it be that you own a purple seashell that you never knew where you got it from?  
CT: D--> That is a rather strange thing to ask, but yes I possess such a seashell. Why?  
TC: Do you mind if I come over to your hive?  
CT: D--> It's rather inappropriate to basically invite yourself to someone else hive, but seeing as you are a Highblood I can't really reject.  
TC: Great then I will come over as soon as I can.  
TC: I can't wait to see you again.

TC logged off  
CT: D--> I guess so...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of the story.  
> I hope you enjoyed it. :D  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated :3


End file.
